I read the news today, oh boy!: "The actress behind horror icon Elvira has revealed she needed stitches after losing her virginity to Welsh crooner Tom Jones - because he was so well-endowed." Perhaps it's my feelings of male inadequacy, a sense of age-related propriety asserting itself or just the sheer horror upon reading further details, but I think there are some things I don't need to read over my morning bagel (or ever).
If you want or need to know the rest of this penetrating story, here goes: Cassandra Peterson, who was also romantically linked to Elvis Presley during her teen years as a Vegas showgirl, remembers the deed thusly: "I ended up with a little tearing, a little bleeding and going to the hospital. I had to get stitches." (To which some physicians might say, "It's Not Unusual"). Despite the uncomfortable details, Peterson, now 55, added that she enjoyed the experience, but regrets not losing her virginity to Presley. "Elvis was constantly surrounded by his entourage ["The Memphis Mafia"], and I was only 17, and I'm sure they knew it."