Not sure what Paris' "unspecified medical condition" is, but perhaps Scooter can approximate it by undertaking some of the sexual activities he wrote about in his book. Paris has a head start, but still.

Related, thus anchoring this post with media content:
Scooter's Sex Shocker* [New Yorker]
Don't ever give Lloyd Grove an inscribed book about bear sex and then get indicted for perjury [FishbowlNY]

*We will use any excuse possible to revive this hilarious piece by Lauren Collins, not only because it's awesome but also becuase she must be rewarded for the meticulous and obviously painful research that went into it.

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