BeckWatch: Marriage Of Convenience

03/28/2008 02:45 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Last week, Anderson Cooper "turned the tables" on his fellow CNN colleague Glenn Beck, serving as interlocutor, putting Beck in the crosshairs. But even though Beck's shop was temporarily under new management, the vertigo-inducing weirdness was still to be had:

BECK: You know, the great plaque at the bottom of the Statue of Liberty, the last line everybody seems to forget. They always concentrate on "bring me your tired, your huddled masses." Instead, "For I stand holding the lamp beside the golden door."

A golden door implies a couple of things. A, there is a door. And b, I don`t know about you. I know you`ve been to, you know, the Congo and riding elephants in India and everything else. But have you ever seen a bathroom with a golden door? It`s not a crap house, man.

Yes! America: Not A Crap House, Man! There Is A Door! And It's Golden! And It's Not A Bathroom! Suck it, Democratic Republic of the Congo!

Still, you couldn't help but notice that it was a kinder, gentler Glenn Beck on display. His typical anti-immigrant fulminations were replaced by happy-daisy sentiments like "America`s not great because everybody`s born here. They came here." Cooper so lovingly led viewers through Beck's serpentine story of redemption that you could hear the Aaron Copland underscoring in your's mind's ear. And Beck's typical anti-global warming default setting was leavened with sentiments that largely met Al Gore at least one-third of the way, if not half.

Was it Cooper's serious newsman acumen and the radiance of his grey-maned eminence that tamed the savage breast of Beck? You'd like to think so, wouldn't you? The truth behind the suddenly-muted Beck is best evinced in this exchange:

COOPER: But most scientists -- I mean, the consensus...

BECK: Oh, don`t start.

COOPER: I have to tell you this because I just did "Planet in Peril."

BECK: That`s right.

COOPER: The consensus, though, is that...

BECK: Which surprisingly didn`t piss me off.

COOPER: Really?

BECK: It was very middle of the road.

After all, it would have been poor form to not appear sufficiently complimentary of the folks that are throwing you an infomercial. Gotta maximize your crossover potential, after all.

COOPER: I think we`re out of time.

BECK: Oh, darn it. I wish we could have gotten more of those questions. Shoot. Thanks.

COOPER: Well, maybe next book.

Yeah, Anderson! Maybe! In the meantime, enjoy the sweet smell of synergy!

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