03/28/2008 02:45 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

BeckWatch: Get Your Waterboard On!

Hey, everyone. When we last saw CNN's Glenn Beck, he was taking a break from his show, selling books, calling President Bush a dangerous liar, and bringing his Christmas message to the masses. And then, in what was basically the season finale cliffhanger to the Glenn Beck Show, the durably conservative host had himself some butt surgery! And it went terribly, terribly wrong, no doubt from the complications that arise when medical professionals are confronted with a patient who spews crap from both ends of his alimentary canal. The whole matter culminated with Beck taking to the YouTubes with his own special sequel to the Blair Witch Project that described the surgery and the drugged-up aftermath where Beck had crazy, suicidal visions soundtracked by The Doors' L.A. Woman album.

The whole experience, Beck claims, was eye-opening. But when he returned to the air to talk about it, it was clear that the only eye that had been opened was the one that saw the hospital's below-the-line employees not treating him with the care and kindness to which he thought he was entitled. The bottom line for Glenn? People do not evince enough compassion for other people, and that has to change. "Somewhere along the way we've lost that," Beck elaborated on CNN, days later. Sort of made you wonder how long Beck was going to keep up his compassion crusader schtick.

Don't worry! Not long! From his email blast today:

During a conversation about John McCain in which Glenn was pointing out all of the issues McCain is wrong on, Glenn brought up waterboarding. McCain says it's torture. Glenn doesn't think so.

Awesome. John McCain was tortured as a prisoner of war while serving this country, but what does he know? That's just downright compassionate, no? Well, at least now it's possible to do something about it. Glenn's so certain that waterboarding is such a harmless lark that he's going to take up the matter in practical terms, and allow people to vote online to determine which of three Glenn Beck show staffers - the host included - gets to experience waterboarding firsthand. Glenn, himself, is currently leading in the vote, but you should click here, cast your own ballot, and show some compassion, Glenn Beck-style. It's going to be one of the most satisfying votes you cast all year.