George Clooney: I Have To Move Because Of Britney Spears

George Clooney recently found out he lives a few houses away from Britney Spears. It was probably the night she was taken to the hospital after the custody stand-off, and now he jokes he has to move.
The video of him telling the story is video snippet #6 of Newsweek's Oscar roundtable, and worth a watch for Clooney's story-telling capabilities. If you can't watch, here's the transcript:

I just found out about 10 days ago that I must live 300 or 400 yards from Britney Spears. And I found out cause I came home at 10 at night and there's all these helicopters over my house with these lights. I'd gone upstairs, and I came out and I'm in a robe. All of the sudden I see all this shit going on.
I have a guest house where my assistant sometimes is, and I think, someone has broken out of prison and like escaped, because it's a chase scene. It's something out of "Die Hard." I get my baseball bat, which is what you always get in every film--I actually think Clive Owen said, "Get a baseball bat"--and I called up my assistant, who I thought was in the guest house, and I said, "Are you OK?"
And she's like, "Yes."
And I said, "Look, if there's someone in the place, say the word 'Stonehenge'."
And she's like, "What the fuck are you talking about? I'm in my apartment."
I go, "You're not in the guesthouse?"
"No."
So I'm, like, "Well, then, what the fuck is going on?" And I go out and I'm running around with a baseball bat in my robe.
And it turns out it's Britney Spears' house is like, 300 yards from mine. So now I have to move.

Comments

[sarainitaly]

I know we are living in a time where we have a false war being waged, spending trillions of dollars, people are losing homes, and we have 200,000 homeless vets, but come ON people! Is there NO room for HUMOR anymore?

George Clooney is one funny mother f*&#&^#. He was being FUNNY! Remember... h-u-m-o-r?

I (heart) George.

[Dantana]

Britney is so desperate for attention, she alerts the media before leaving her house.
I owuld hate to her a neighbor that crazy.

[hopeless277]

Coincidence or conspiracy? Inquiring minds want to know.

[CitizenRob]

Wow... nothing says "suburbia" like not knowing your neighbors. Ugh. What on earth were we thinking when we created suburbs?

[pizzmoe]

Wasn't this a joke? People are sure overreacting. Clooney is a riot!

[PatA]

JC, you morons, it's humor!

Oh, wait, people here would rather attack someone they don't know, than sit back and digest what they've just read.......

[stupidforum]

One night George Clooney hears a loud thump, followed by a scream not unlike that of a cat in heat.

Throwing open his front window he sees Britney Spears sprawled on the sidewalk in obviousl pain.

"Britney!" calls out George, "Are you hurt?"

"Oh, George," wailes Britney, "I have a gash!"

"I can see that, Britney," answers Clooney. "But are you hurt?"

[tinkaboutit]

He has to move because of the INTRUSIVE MEDIA...not Brittney Spears. Of course Huffpo is complicit.

[Richterscale]

Yeah, it's not the relentless vultures in the media, hounding this woman to death that's the problem.

[PeteBogs]

funny story... his assistant shouldn't talk to him like that... he should fire her...

I think it's noble that 1) he provides a place for his assistant to stay (which is not his bedroom) and 2) he called out there to make sure she's all right... you guys are a-holes...

[booker52]

What? George is so weak he cannot handle living so close to this gal?? Please, let's get real. I cannot believe that this is the real reason.

[ignorantwillyharper]

He is so immaterial. Someone needs to sit the fucker down and explain to him, we revolve around the sun...not his ass.

[NotaBeliever]

I guess his opinion of something he admittedly knows nothing about is worth something somewhere to someone. Is his publicist working overtime?

[ElectroJones]

He's the king. Always funny when he wants to be, and stirring and interesting when the need calls.

[ljsfolly]

I guess you don't live where you know all your neighbors. I don't know any of mine as they have different schedules and so it goes. We had a helicopter fly over a few weeks ago and they were announcing something so my roomamte searched out someone who might understand what they said. She came back with "They said there is a black man in a hat with a gun and a white woman and to be careful" Weird shit like that happening I can relate to george.