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GOP Indulges In A Super Tuesday Slapfight

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Fissures between Republican presidential hopefuls Mitt Romney and John McCain continue to widen by the hour, mainly because Mitt Romney has totally developed a necrophilic Reagan fetish and wants to "live" in the "house" that "Reagan built," which is what? Some log cabin in Van Nuys? Who knows? But John McCain, who describes himself as a "footsoldier" in the Reagan revolution that so impressed Barack Obama with it's "transformational" nature, hates Mitt and totally plans to drink his milkshake tonight. But conservative pundits hate McCain for being such a "maverick" and have been lobbying for Mitt. One such pundit was Rush Limbaugh, who woke up from an Oxycontin haze long enough to have a Romney infused hallucination. Then Bob Dole rose from whatever crypt he's been laying in to tell Rush to stop dogging McCain.

Flash forward to this morning where Steve Doocy of Fox And Friends asked Romney what he's written in his slambook about mean old Bob Dole, and he said, "It's probably the last person I'd would have wanted write a letter for me...I think there's a lot of folks who tend to think that maybe John McCain's race is a bit like Bob Dole's race."

As always, it's hard to know, or even infer, what Romney's talking about because everyone knows that Mitt's only going to change his mind a few minutes later. And sure enough, he did, offering a "clarification" that he "thinks very highly of Dole," would "love" to have Dole's support. In true Mitt style, he added: "I believe I was a contributor to his presidential campaign...If I wasn't, I should have been." Or, maybe his dad contributed to Dole's campaign! Mitt doesn't know, I guess, but he'll probably pull over to the side of the road later today and weep about it.

In slagging Dole initially, Romney was probably referring back to his essential message: that Washington is broken, filled with decrepit old dudes, and it's going to take a guy with the experience of bringing a bunch of stoned snowboarders out to the middle of Utah to win "silver medals" to win the Iraq War and fix the economy. But McCain, who references everything through that time he got tortured and became the simmering ball of rage and warmongering he is today, shot back that Romney was dissing a veteran, because veterans never do anything wrong, and General Petraeus and the Surge sprung from McCain's skull like Pallas Athena.

Anyway, Romney's correct when he notes the similarity between Dole and McCain, because McCain, like Dole, is probably going to notch his party's nomination. The two men do have differences, though, like Dole winning his war.