Hillary Lays Claim To American Samoamentum

03/28/2008 02:45 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Most Americans know precious little about the proud, unincorporated territory of American Samoa. Most know that their girl scout cookies taste the most delicious and are eaten the quickest, leaving your cupboard filled with crap like Thin Mints and Tagalongs. Some recall the character of Tony Rocky Horror in Pulp Fiction, whose obesity is defended by Samuel L. Jackson on the grounds that he can't help himself because he is Samoan. But now, we all know that these delicious, morbidly obese people from some island somewhere in some ocean also detest Hope and despise Change, because they voted to give their pretend primary to Hillary Clinton. Clinton won 163 votes to Obama's 121. And Mike Gravel won one vote, making American Samoa the closest thing he had to a victory as well.

MSNBC reported tonight that the Clinton campaign went all out to win the territory, even doing some eleventh hour GOTV phone banking to win a majority of their delegates, so tomorrow, when their campaign attributes their losses in Missouri and Kansas to the fact that they really weren't even trying to win, remember American Samoa. Anyway, we can all probably agree that the real winners of Super Tuesday were these American Samoans, who were spared any visits from these rampaging candidates and who weren't asked to host any of the media's infernal debates.

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