Voting For McCain Makes People Angry, Depressed According To Crazy New Study

Hey, kids! Did you know that the act of casting a vote for John McCain is enough to make you feel sad and angry and want to smash things? Deep down, you probably always knew that, but now it has been pseudo-proven by pseudo-science, the end!

This whole revelation is the work of an organization called Emotion Mining Company, a "Massachusetts public policy and market research firm." According to their study, "Voting for John McCain makes people feel 'angry' and 'depressed,'" and "The U.S. Senator from Arizona also stirs a high level of 'insecurity,' as well as deep-seated positive emotions like 'confidence' and 'interest' particularly among older and Hispanic voters." Also making people angry and depressed and insecure: having their "emotions" "mined" by marketers.

Emotional Mining's methodology - which immediately places "HuffPollstrology" firmly in the realm of foundational sciences like psychiatry and "flair" bartending - seeks to take a measure of a voter's "subconscious angst." The organization describes it, like so:

Unlike traditional polls that take the pulse of how voters feel day-to-day, Emotion Mining research reveals voters' deep-seated, subconscious emotions that do not change as much from one day to the next. Emotion Mining results confirm the suspicion that while voters tend to consciously say and report one thing, they most often are subconsciously feeling something else...

Emotion Mining's patented data-gathering method establishes a respondent's baseline emotional intensity, and then factors it out of the ordinary emotional response toward a research subject. The end result is a clarified intensity of emotion, which is the true, measured answer to "Tell us how you really feel." Accompanying free associations explain why voters feel what they feel.

Well I, personally, can't remember the last time I walked out of a voting booth and didn't want to punch somebody in the throat! So why pick on McCain?

"There is a mix of troubling emotions stimulated by Senator McCain's candidacy," said Dr. Tom Snyder, a neuroscientist/physician and founder/CEO of Emotion Mining Company. "This is something the McCain campaign needs to address as they move closer to the general election."

So there you have it. Look for the McCain campaign to announce their plan to augment the next hundred years of war with an accompanying century of powerful mood stabilizers.

Comments

[CindyKay]

I know that when I just think of McInsane 2 Words Immediately come to mind.....
DANGEROUSLY UNSTABLE!!!!

Enough Said!

[Gumby123]

I think the study is wrong, actually those not voting for John McCain get feelings of insecurity, are depressed and angry, throw around things when others vote for John McCain.

[MizJ]

Let's be honest here, the man is too old to be president of the Moose Lodge let alone president of the US. The mess that will be left to whoever is elected in November is going to be overwhelming. This guy has only one thought in mind and that is to attack Iran. He comes from a military family. His hero is Teddy Roosevelt. He supports the surge and insists that the waste we see is working. He is cozy with the Israeli lobby, the military industrial complex, his advisors are the same neocons who served Bush, and he sees himself (partially because of the media hysteria) as an experience foreign policy leader. This man is dangerous and anyone seriously thinking of voting for him needs to do some background checking on his flip flopping positions.

[Grannysue]

Yea kind of like how you feel every time Cheney and Bush are on T.V. Like throwing up, won't be any difference, he's just older.

[robeson]

Makes me want to watch Halloween VI, with Woody Allen as the axe carrying rabbi.

[Stirner]

If you vote for the other Republican candidate, Ron Paul, you will feel happy and confidant.

[tbone99]

I don't know about McCain but I'm definitely there waiting for the Dems come to a decision

[GOP4MoreTears]

I don't know anything about all that, but looking a John McCain makes me of George W. Bush at age 72.

[Mike169]

Cranial emptiness?