Sex-Starved Women: America's Best Kept Secret?

Psychology Today blogger Michelle Weiner Davis addresses what may be a growing epidemic.

As someone who is in the front lines with couples, I have grown increasingly aware that women have no corner on the low libido market. In fact, based on my clinical observations and casual conversations with colleagues, I'd say that low desire in men is America's best kept secret. After all, in a culture where virility is inextricably connected with masculinity, why would any man want to broadcast his drop in desire? Most of the data available on the incidence of low libido in men is based on self-report and estimates vary widely. Do we really know what goes on behind bedroom doors? I don't think so.

You can read more on sex-starved women and the male libido here, as well. Or, check out Michelle Weiner Davis' book on the subject of sex-starved women.

Some women are even getting in on the prostitution trend. Click here to read one woman's story on why she pays a man for sex.

So, all you female HuffPost readers, are you starved for sex? What are some of the excuses you've heard from the men in your life? And to the men out there, how are your libidos? Can't imagine turning sex down? Tell us your thoughts, we're all friends here!

Comments

[peachfuzz]

wow...someone read this article and thought of Hillary?

They should see Dr. Phil.... ewwww ...sorry.

[Wanjiru]

...hmmm...I'm horny now just from reading this article...

...where's that damn dildo when I need it!...


:)

.

[KarateKid]

This is too funny. I make one wisecrack and out come all the sexually repressed American women, ready to defend their hero(ine) Hillary. And it IS a fact that older, white women ARE among her largest bloc of supporters, many who are voting for her strictly because she's a woman who has been wronged by a philandering hubby.

I am married to a Japanese woman and they know how to be the boss without all the whining and self doubt (look at all the American women who have had breast implants, liposuction, botox and all that other stuff to make themselves more "attractive"), and still men are turning away from them. It must be tough, wanting to have both sides of your bread buttered but coming up short.

Asian, Latino and European women rule!!!

[Soulsurfer]

Yep.

[DatelessNerd]

Hillary's supporters are bitter, because voters are going to the "dance" with someone "younger and prettier."

And no, I'm not kidding.

[MizFlagPin]

I have my flag pin . . . and that's enough for me.

[dawlishgal]

LMAO. I knew I shouldn't have felt like celebrating a year or so ago, when I saw the cheapo junk jewelry on remainder at Wal*Mart. Who knew that wearing that crap would be considered absolute proof of one's patriotism (while at the same time it was considered just fine to eat a cake frosted exactly like a flag and pass it through one's ...errrr...digestive system). Nothing funnier than that flag-decorated birthday cake a bunch of soldiers gave to Bush.

When people wearing flag pins lie about reasons for a war, and they are still considered patriots because of the pins, then the symbolic value of the flag is just about kaput. But, of course, the rhinestone flag-wearing lying warmongers will still try to discredit a decent person who opts not to wear one. Nevermind that it is the flag-wearers behavior that has destroyed the flag as an emblem of a free and decent country.

[singermuse]

I'm finding all the responses to this article running the gamut from laughable and entertaining to sick, hateful, immature and disgusting. Bottom line is that no woman, "American" (we are after all a melting pot of diverse shapes sizes and cultures) or otherwise need ever be sex starved with or without a partner. That's what self pleasuring is for! And everyone, man or woman should become skilled at it!
What is needed is open mindedness, and open hearted-ness. And a healthy imagination. Notice I'm not talking about "open legged-ness"! Many of the most hateful comments seem to have come from men (I'm guessing American Men??), and I'm sorry to see that, as I would have thought that the Huff Po would attract a more mature open minded kind of guy, oh well! The Aussie's post I found "cute" and I've known some wonderful, sexy, and gracious Australian and Kiwi guys.
Personally I'm quite happy (and very satisfied!) with my partner in life who is a wonderful man and I don't hold it against him that he's American. It's not about where people come from or what they look like....check out all the comments about the article on a bad week for body image...but can two people learn how to touch one another heart, mind, and body in ways that will last instead of as one night stands? Geez! Sex is meant to be a kind of "glue", not the whole shebang!

[doctordawg]

There you have it. We are a nation of jerk-offs, and hey, I'm ok, you're ok! Ugh.

Sex is a kind of "glue" that keep the pages of the Victoria's Secret catalog from opening.

[singermuse]

And here we have a prime example of a response from an angry little boy, hmm, maybe 15 or 16 years old?
Mind you I'm all for every young man and woman utilizing tools to "self cultivate" when the need arises, even a Victoria's secret catalog! Tools (and toys) add fun and "spice" to every bedroom!

[hopefulintexas]

Do some research on pornography addiction and sexual addiction (can you say Eliot Spitzer?). It's more common than you might think. That is a definite reason for low libido that men would not "self-report" to Ms. Weiner-Davis.

[loki]

Men of middle age who take care of themselves health wise are often with low libido because most women their age are twice as wide and twice the weight of most of the men. The women who do take care of themselves are often aware that they are rare and use that fact to get exactly what they want, and you cant blame them.

[soulfulnotes]

I've noticed this to be true.

[ranshofen]

That's a secret?

[sink]

Something I don't think gets enough attention is that married women (broad generalization) seem to spend a huge amount of time in the first 5-10 years of marriage "training" their husbands to stop wanting sex.

Being constantly told "not now dear" DOES have an impact on the guy's interest in his wife over time. If he doesn't want to cheat, yet has been trained that it's far more likely that he's not going to have sex than that he is, sure his interest is going to die off. Why wouldn't it?

[soulfulnotes]

I think that this is also true.

[DrJimmy]

I have give up as well!!
After 10 years of bedroom, lights off, under the cover sex.....I'm done.
After 10 years of working my but off with 2 jobs and hoping that just one day just one day that my wife would put something on and be a little playful,,,,I'm done
After buying a house, new car, new kitchen, family events that just once my wife would put on something sexy and show some sort of sexual interest in our marriage...I'm done
I have spoken about this with her time and time again....just asking her for a bit of effort...deaf ears....I'm done.
I told her last month...I now consider myself without a sexual partner...
It's just easier..

[BP]

I've been so well trained by my dear wife by now that I'm only interested in making love with other women. I've been permanently disabled from initiating sex, with her.

[singermuse]

No, I don't think so. Usually the first 5-10 years of marriage are spent gathering up resources, and preparing for and raising children. You can always tell the new mothers by the deep dark circles under their eyes. And no, they probably don't feel much like having a romp in the bedroom. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to decently raise children and for many, this involves having to deal with the added burden of husbands stuck in adolescence who don't pitch in, haven't a clue what being a decent husband and father means, are incredibly selfish jealous of the attention the children are needing and getting, and demanding everything including sex, and of course there are those cads who start cheating on their wives as soon as they find out they are pregnant. On the other hand, people who have some modicum of emotional maturity and good communication skills can be a TEAM and work through the demands of family and find the time for MORE pleasure than before the children were born...it takes commitment and of course real love not based on infatuation, a fat wallet or fake breasts and anorexia.

[LeBelAge]

Nice of the author to assume all the Huff Po readers are heterosexual women.

[ohmercy]

oi.
I don't think that is true, I think it is just addressed to heterosexual couples... or maybe gay male couples as well.

Actually, why would you even think that gay women can't answer this?

[Soundofthunder]

Some wizened complaints and citations:

Sex is the biggest waste of time on Earth, yet tragically, it makes the world go round. Without it men would have no motivation to work some crappy job for crappy pay and buy a fancy car to convince some gold digger to spread her legs and let's the poor overworked sap stir his yardstick (she wishes) in her honey pot for awhile. We are the only species in which the courtship ritual transcends actual courtship but is the embodiment of your life's work. Case and point, Hugh Hefner, porn magazine magnate vs. Hugh Hefner, old retired man living on a pension from 45 years as a Greyhound bus driver. Hugh the former is combing 20 year old nymphs out of his iron colored hair. Hugh the latter is lucky to get a date with an old waffle waitress who smells like burnt hotcakes and bacon grease. Both men are essentially the same but for money. Money is to women what female nudity is to a man, the ultimate goal of the relationship.

Always keep this in mind: when a man meets a woman, he figures that's the BEST she'll ever LOOK, while a woman when she meets a man figures that's the WORST he'll ever BE. Is it any wonder humans are miserable?

SOT

[sink]

Wow, someone needs to get laid....

:)

Seriously though, no the two Hef's you mention are NOT the same except for money. That's a foolishly simplistic way to look at it.

[Soundofthunder]

You mean it's impossible for a person to have the same personality as his or her alternatie universe twin. I disagree. The difference here is one Hef led a quiet life, the other went for the wild life. Besides, if you don't believe my analogy then let's try an experiment. Dress up the real Hugh Hefner as the typical 80-something and plop him somewhere he'd look unassuming, like a mall. Twenty year olds aren't throwing themselves at him because his charms are irresistable but because he's the founder of Playboy. He's a gateway to money and fame of one sort or another. Men are as sexy as what they make, what they are worth. The late Anna Nichole Smith knows what I'm talking about.

SOT

PS Been laid plenty of times. It was nice but I have other things I'd rather be doing.

[leavesofgrass]

LOL...you're sounding a little bitter...are you by chance the other Hugh- Greyhound-bus-driver?

If this is your view of women you are sorely missing out indeed. Newsflash....lots of us make our own money....and do quite well so there is no need to go "gold digging"; however good companionship from a caring mate is always needed, or just nice to have.

[PatCroft]

ah the wonders of sex and its act. I think Freud had a Christian twist to his observations in fear of upsetting the matriarchy. And it has gone down hill since. Women as girls are taught at a young age that their sex is distasteful. So no wonder there is this great vacuum.

[milo9]

Here's the truth, biologically, women are sex starved, for too short a period, once a month. The rest of the month, they find it avoidable. Men, with a biologically active libido, need it all month long. So come on baby, you got to give a little "handy" during the off period, a little skillful oral will insure ardor, and laying back and taking one for the team will insure the pump is primed for the 10 days that a woman can't think of anything else. Are you ready for the truth?

[Catharsis]

Sex-starved women, fear not. I have all you need.

[dadw5boys]

What do you expect?????

Advertizers target women and girls with sex to sell their crap- o - la.

They are trying hard to sell men but even sexy girls just get looks not the cash!