Sex-Starved Women: America's Best Kept Secret?

Psychology Today blogger Michelle Weiner Davis addresses what may be a growing epidemic.

As someone who is in the front lines with couples, I have grown increasingly aware that women have no corner on the low libido market. In fact, based on my clinical observations and casual conversations with colleagues, I'd say that low desire in men is America's best kept secret. After all, in a culture where virility is inextricably connected with masculinity, why would any man want to broadcast his drop in desire? Most of the data available on the incidence of low libido in men is based on self-report and estimates vary widely. Do we really know what goes on behind bedroom doors? I don't think so.

You can read more on sex-starved women and the male libido here, as well. Or, check out Michelle Weiner Davis' book on the subject of sex-starved women.

Some women are even getting in on the prostitution trend. Click here to read one woman's story on why she pays a man for sex.

So, all you female HuffPost readers, are you starved for sex? What are some of the excuses you've heard from the men in your life? And to the men out there, how are your libidos? Can't imagine turning sex down? Tell us your thoughts, we're all friends here!

Comments

[KarateKid]

Sex starved women??? Why, I believe they are called Hillary supporters.

[ElkoJohn]

`
sex, money OR power ??
.

[spaceman3838]

yes kid but there is also your mom

[timeforachangenow]

woohoo....­another Hillary basher strikes again!

[fishsandwichesr2good]

Now if women managed to get their bodies looking like Katey Sagal's, this would be a non-story!

[livesimply]

I'm guessing you're Mr. Body Perfect. No?

[stargazer13]

I don,t think all this talk is fixing any thing actions are what counts some men are afraid to share that porn site with there partner maybe after living with some one for so long makes you less likely to share your thoughts dreams desires out of fear of being rejected by the one you love to be with so it goes under ground so to speak aka middle of the nite with your computer or vid we are all different have different day dreams we should all be more willing to play out each others day dreams even if its not what you want it could still be fun maybe if people would just try it a couple times I know that I have tried to coax my partner many times in to dancing for me and and he just won,t go there not for him you see but he has never even tried it could be fun for him but I think he thinks it silly soooooooo theres no dancing in motorcycle leathers for me you see it is a to way street it,s ok to have three two being women but not the other way around why I ask are men limited to what they want same goes for women too of course and there in lays our problem

[LunaNik]

Good grief! Punctuation! Say it with me!

[hardknox]

Sex is overrated. It's a lot like alcohol. It's more exciting to buy beer when you're under 21 because you're getting away with something. After 21, what's the big deal, right? Once you're married and you're supposed to have sex, what's the big deal?

Or maybe I'm just a lousy lay.

[naughtygirl]

You're probably not a lousy lay,your partner might just be a self-serving a**. And yes,I am intending a double entendre.

[nypoet22]

sex is both a physical and an emotional skill. in my limited experience, consistently good sex takes practice and the desire of both people to please each other in general, not just in bed. plus enough emotional independence that you can still surprise each other sometimes. it takes two to make a lay good or lousy.

[oxygen]

I fought Framingham and Waltham mass and the department of ed over this for years without any resolution -telling me if I didn't like the rap music on the bus I should call the department of transportation or have my daughter wear headphones - do you know one of the rap songs right now has a guy who talks about shoving a pistol in a woman’s vagina - and I am not lying investigate yourself - things so disgusting + abusive it is hard to even tell people what is being said -- on top of that all the boys given ritalin etc - are given sleeping medicine because the adhd drugs make you wound up - but thanks to the all knowing dea they "frown" on doctors who prescribe too many "abusable" drugs so instead of giving the boys a safe normal sleep aide - they give them a blood pressure medicine that has the side effect of making one drowsy - the problem with that is that boys can't have erections so they are sexually altered and developmentally delayed in what should be a normal body function - many probably feel frustrated and confused about this and is anybody even talking about it? no - no one - except bad old me, the complainer­... add sexual frustration in with really nasty rap music on the ride to school and way off sex sites on the net and you just created a bunch of boys who may become themselves

[oxygen]

I have 4 kids of my own 2 still teenagers - I think sex ed in schools should not be an anatomy and physiology course instead kids need to learn of the psychology behind it and how to treat each other - there is so much crap out there on the internet - eveybody trying to outshock each other so as to sell sensationalism as well as the rap music which is very vulgar and surprising to me it is allowed to be played --I will continue this as I am using too many words

[nypoet22]

wow, an intelligent post in this sea of complaints and generalizations. how can they do sex ed without actually going over how to make love? and for that matter, what does it mean to make love, or to love at all? certainly not the cycle of shame and materialism that sometimes precedes the insertion of tab A into slot B. in the US (as your other post shows) our problems with sex reflect our overall cultural problems with violence, isolation and mutual disrespect. when it's like the world of business, a battle to see who can get the most, give the least and look the best, a sexual act loses its soul and becomes little more than the prostitution of everyone involved.

[LordMoon]

The answer is quite obvious and simple. The reason is Alimony, Palimony and Child support.

There are just too many liabilities for American Males who sleep with American Women.

In the future you will see American women getting even more aggressive toward American men, and American men turning to imports in greater numbers.

[msfiskvletterman]

4/26/08
11am
Colchester, VT

RE: "turning to imports"

Women are women. If you treat them like objects they don't respond well.

[desthmoneses]

Tell that to the rest of the world.

[wedgie]

"Turning to imports"

Wan't Lorena Bobbit an "import"?

**

[msfiskvletterman]

4/26/08
3:31pm
Colchester, VT

Don't know if she was an "import" or not but I remember that the police had to search for her husband's penis after she cut it off. Horrible.

[livesimply]

"In the future you will see American women getting even more aggressive toward American men..." In your dreams!

[timeforachangenow]

viva la imports...­..8)

[zridling]

You're all missing the point. Women need to EARN a man's arousal. They've spent their lives taking "it" and him for granted, that he'll just drop trou and jump between her legs. But even in their 20s, women become extremely unattractive physically with their tattoos, keg-bellies, droopy tits, weird smells, superhighway of stretch marks, and bad attitudes. Al Bundy said it best: "I hate women, but love girls." Meaning, we want someone sexually attractive, someone we can talk to and listen to — that girl we dated, not the one who gained 100-lbs. twelve months after marriage.
As others have pointed out, men want sex, but not with the slags that compose American women. Heck, look at the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos and even college girls are fat, drunk, and pretty much ugly all around. So if you want sex, get in shape, change your attitude, and treat a man right for a change rather than a piece of meat or a goddamn male prostitute.

[livesimply]

You sound like a fat slob.

[JiminNC]

Hell with all this talking, lets screw.

[ipitombi]

Sheesh!!! Another round of LOAD of RUBBISH from HuffPo.
- - - Huffpo never disappoints when it comes to trading in National Enquirer rubbish

And, by the way, if women are starved for sexxx, whose fault is that?
Perhaps, if they don't act so haughty sometimes, -- as if their vaginas is carved in gold, maybe, just maybe, they won't be so starved for sex. Which man (if you don't count Eliot Spitzer of course) in his right mind, has the time and the wherewithal to be chasing around some high-maintenance bitchy pain-in-the ass whose only worth in life is her vagina?

[desthmoneses]

You all are part of the problem, even here on this forum. Sex is a bodily function just like urination, defacation, and menstration. Don't take it so seriously, if you don't want it don't have it, if you do then do it. Sex is just something to take care of, don't add romance until your romantic with a person and don't be romantic unless that's what you want. We live in an age of control, if your a 40 year old woman picking up guys at bars and flourishing your sex life guess what, no one cares, no ones going to put a scarlet letter on your chest or tell you your a bad person and ostricise you. If your a 30 year old guy who doesn't want sex, that's o.k. our desires are our right and responsibility. If your with some one who's not giving you what you need respect them and yourself and move on, end of story.

[knixphan]

sounds like common sense to me -

[LongTom]

Yeah. Sex is like defecation. I bet that line gets you a lot of action. That and your spelling.

[jesuswazasocialist]

ROFL.

[lhsouthern1988]

the excuses range from "i have to get up at 5:30", you were on the computer doing your nursing homework, or usually its the side effects of the side effects of my lithium and prozac.

[jesuswazasocialist]

I am buying a plane ticket here in Australia right now.
Which State should I head for?

[ipitombi]

Try the State of Denial. You won't be getting any. Unless you pay for it like any sensible Governor of New York

[jesuswazasocialist]

How do I get to the State of Denial? is that like the 52nd State or something? R there many horny women there?

[KMan1]

Oh Behave!! LOL

[calliope]

Mine, darlin' (sunny California, not too much different from Oz) - and I'll leave the light on for you! ;-)

Seriously, law school makes me edgy. I'd much rather end the evening with a roll in the hay than a cup of tea, or hot milk, or whatever else you're supposed to drink to make yourself sleepy (brandy? scotch?). Exercise helps with the exam stress, but it just doesn't give me the same....jo­y.

I think that we (women) put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be sexy/perfect all of the time. Personally, I've never mastered the art of airbrushed flawlessness - nor do I aspire to it - but I *like men* and find most of them attractive. The guys I go to law school with, on the other hand, are real pieces of work. Egos on parade 24-7...not a ringing endorsement for the opposite sex, IMHO.

[frankky]

Do this apply to Latinos? Because we Latinos are hot blooded, at least I am. I'm always horny. Were are this sex starved women because I can't find them?

[waynesmyer]

"I would like to become a male prostitute, but I am not sure I can live on $2.00 a month! Rush Limpbag, Great Radio Warrior and Head GOPer . Up the GOP (Grand Old Pedophiles)

[Acebass]

Problem? Who's got a problem? :)

Well listen here girls, I'm telling you now.
They call me lovin' Dan.
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.
And if you don't believe I'm all I say,
Come up and take my hand.
As soon as I leave you go you'll cry
"Oh Yeah, he's a sixty Minute Man!"
* There'll be 15 minutes of kissin',
And then you holler "Oh please don't stop!"
There'll be 15 minutes of teasin'
And 15 minutes of pleasin'
And 15 minutes of blowin' my top! MOP MOP MOP!
Well if your man ain't treatin' you right
Come up and see your Dan.
I'll rock 'em, roll 'em all night long
I'm a 60 minute man.

[naughtygirl]

60 minutes? That's only good for the first stage of fore-play. Try a couple of hours. Unless it's meant to be a fun quicky,us girls need a whole lot of engagement to get our motors revved to full power. That's why alot of women prefer an older man.They know how to go slow and sensuous.

[TOOO]

Either that, or an older man is more likely to drop dead and leave her all his money.

[FlyingLow]

60 minutes?? Why such a short time? You should be able to keep going as long as necessary.­...

[DrJimmy]

One of the most famous jokes is how sex stops after you get married...­.but is it really a joke?
Most women give up on being a mate, a lover. They don't care about trying to keep the spark alive.
They don't find it important. Most married women behave during sex with their husbands like they are taking one for the team.. Every guy who I know who has strayed from his marriage does it for one reason....­not power, not cause he wants to get caught, not because he is a addict....­..They all feel that their wives have give up on them as being male, a mate a lover. Don't ask what another woman offers ask why aren't wives offering..­..

[BillLumbergh]

I wish I could disagree, but I can't. Marriage kills sex.
Once I got married, the only thing in my pants that my wife was interested in was my wallet.
:(

[desthmoneses]

I love your screen name.