Sex-Starved Women: America's Best Kept Secret?

Psychology Today blogger Michelle Weiner Davis addresses what may be a growing epidemic.

As someone who is in the front lines with couples, I have grown increasingly aware that women have no corner on the low libido market. In fact, based on my clinical observations and casual conversations with colleagues, I'd say that low desire in men is America's best kept secret. After all, in a culture where virility is inextricably connected with masculinity, why would any man want to broadcast his drop in desire? Most of the data available on the incidence of low libido in men is based on self-report and estimates vary widely. Do we really know what goes on behind bedroom doors? I don't think so.

You can read more on sex-starved women and the male libido here, as well. Or, check out Michelle Weiner Davis' book on the subject of sex-starved women.

Some women are even getting in on the prostitution trend. Click here to read one woman's story on why she pays a man for sex.

So, all you female HuffPost readers, are you starved for sex? What are some of the excuses you've heard from the men in your life? And to the men out there, how are your libidos? Can't imagine turning sex down? Tell us your thoughts, we're all friends here!

Comments

[queensboro]

ya'll are killing me, but i love eating me some and it drives them crazy, done right. read this article by a "WOMAN" HOW TO EAT A PU**Y TO MAKE A WOMAN LOVE YOU FOREVER!

[Bub]

We have an epidemic in obesity in the United States. I wonder, to what extent, the lack of exercise, the exaggerated stress and the amount of obesity have on sex drives in America, accumulatively.

People in Europe have lower stress, better food, better public transport and so do more walking and as a result are healthier over all, and less obese. And of all those things, I think weight is the biggest, most important factor.

On the other hand, we've got more rich people than those nations have.

Lack of sex drive is just another symptom of the American dystopia.

[Idytme]

After a couple of weeks of being on a non grain, non processed food - hunter and gatherer diet. (if you can poke it with a stick or gather it, you can eat it), you will find energy levels going out the roof and a huge increase in sex drive.
Its part of the results of these types of diets that they don't always put in the books. ; )

[OddManOut]

My wife says that she is a "sexual camel", meaning she can go for a very long time wihtout sex..."sex­-starved" women is completely false as far as I'm concerned. I think that it's the opposite, proven by the fact that women have such distorted body images of themselves foisted on them by society.

[msfiskvletterman]

4/26/08
5:02pm
Burlington, VT

"Sex-starved women" do exist, trust me.
Just because we "can" go for a long time without sex doesn't mean that we want to.
And the worst part of it is that I gain weight because of it.

[ChartreuseMuse]

The problem with alot of the men who have passed through my life and that of my friend's is that they're attracted to divas, drama queens and barbies instead of plain attractive, smart women with commonsense and hidden talents. Instead, she's got big boobs (or he's bought them boobs) and they love that wallet!
I guess it's flattering at first to be able to buy her all sorts of bling, and in moderation, I'm all for it! But some guys are so unconfident they think that's the key to getting a chick, and then, they get one who begins to expect it instead of appreciate it. And then they wonder where the magic went. If you stay "friends" with enough ex's you get to hear alot of whining!

One big mistake has been that I'm confident in myself and offer to pay my way! I'm also considerate, compassionate and believe relationships are as much a mutual adventure as a partnership. Sex is an integral part of that adventure. So is adding spice and doing something to keep the excitement in all rooms and life in general. Somehow, that's not been enough.

Instead of Mrs. I've become "counselor­."
And it's really sad to see a man who, at 44, needs Viagra or a
guy who prefers the company of person who disgusts him just so she can get him Yankees tickets!

[RevMetheus]

So which are you: diva, drama queen, or barbie?

heh, j/k

Unfortunately women and buying them things have been tied together for a long time. You want to get into her pants, you BUY her flowers and TAKE her to dinner. Its the American way.

I love smart, commonsense women but I'm not about to sit around while they go through all the cute assholes they know, or hide away and expect the man to do all the work to get together. I will put forth a lot of energy to make a relationship work, but too many times its a one way conduit and I just get drained.

[queensboro]

dress it up some

[jerrypenguin]

"Instead of Mrs. I've become "counselor­.""

Counselor, you can be assured of one thing. That is, for most men, the male bonding right of family court is a genuine turn off.

[zendem1]

The way the Yankees are playing, opt for golf.

[H.L. Mencken]

Several questions come to mind!What is the scientific cause of this male loss of libido?My limited observational puissantly verify that perhaps this is a ubiquitous development inter alia among the American population! In addition has there ever been an empirical scientific study that revealed the extent that the more adjustable bisexual behavior human condition presently prevails and pervades the American social scene?

Is there something contained in our diets that is the culprit that robs males of increased satyriasis? Facts must be discovered and collated for analysis of how this fact affects the present American zietgeuit!

These scientific facts regarding the physical affects upon our behavior are now morphed and twisted by ameture T.V. scientists rather than the officially recognized scientific community!

[queensboro]

eat it first then you wont need any damn viagra thats the perfect stimulation

[trailblazer]

will you marry me?

[Wilbur]

Here is what causes the loss of libido in married men: whining, complaining, crying, nagging, pouting, snippiness, selfishness, etc., on the part of the WIVES.

There's an old saying that is SO true: single men die sooner than married men do, but married men are more willing to.

Sincerely,

Voice of Experience

[Countdown09]

Wilbur -- try not giving your wife a reason to nag, pout or cry -- perhaps that might help LOL.

[livesimply]

Get a divorce. She would appreciate it no doubt.

[badnfluence]

Mencken--
Your incomprehensible prose is undoubtedly making the *real* HL Mencken roll in his grave. Maybe you should give the thesaurus a rest and brush up on basic grammar and punctuation first.

[wayoutleft]

for several years i thought i was doing well with women. it actually turned out that to some extent i had been passed along a network of bisexual nonprofit and academic administrators. i met one through a staged job interview. one i was with disguised a break-up as an eviction due to her cat. she went to a friend's ... and "found" me a complex where i was jumped at a new residents' social. looking fror attention in clubs wasn't their metier . one of them was someone i grew to love but has since passed away. only one never married. i was very very lucky to spend time with them. the refinement, of course, is to pool prospects like myself, maximizing the number of possibilities per person by sharing them.

[Blueneck]

I'm pretty sure that it was on the Huffington Post that I ran into this book. I highly recommend it to anybody interested in this subject. The book is called "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel. Rather than trying to write a synopsis, I say buy it, borrow it from the library, and read it.

[Hattie]

Me and my vibrator don't care.

[H.L. Mencken]

A truly independent ladie

[queensboro]

vibrator has no tongue and i know women want their g-spots massaged while being e*tin!

[frankky]

There's nothing like the real thing baby! I can work it in ways the vibrator will never match.

[jwsub28]

Being married will kill your sex drive period. When your kids grow up it only gets worse as far as I am concerned. Kids will suck the life out of you. Truly!

All the drama involved in raising children, the disagreements that you have between husband and wife. Men and woman don't agree when it comes to raising children. When your kids are little you think that it is so tough. When they go off to college you think: Oh, finally my kids are grown up and we can have some time together and life is good. No, that is not how it works for most of us.

[H.L. Mencken]

its interesting that science teaches us that sex drive varies with gender and age! Predicated upon science male reach their sexual zenith between 18 and 30 while females peak sexually at thirty!

What is mother nature attempting to tell us as a species?I would augur this too a jury on behalf of the poly's!

[KOisGod]

Intelligence and being interested in your partners pleasure along with a sense of humor make for great sex.

Unfortunately, just about everyone is too self absorbed to notice how their partner is doing.

Its not size that matters either, its what a man does with his hands, mouth and voice - that brings out the best in his partner.

[RevMetheus]

Dont forget the most important sex organ, the one that so many people have stopped using:

The mind and the imagination. Turn on the mind and the body will follow.

[espedor]

Yeah, but size matters a hell of a lot too. If you can't hit bottom
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hitting+bottom
then it's gonna take a lot of effort to please your woman.
Effort is the enemy of a consistent and satisfying sex life.
Imagination is good, but not when it feels like effort.

[nanoscare]

Anyone notice a correlation to the increase in the availability of erotica? You girls need to spice it up a little.

[Subway]

Sex starved Women? That sounds awful. What can I do to help?

[H.L. Mencken]

I knew it was just a matter of time until the young male mysogoist appeared

[desthmoneses]

A joke hardly indicates hatred of women.

[naughtygirl]

I think it was meant as a light-hearted joke. I chuckled,and I'm a feminist. Do I have to turn in my card now? Lighten up people! :)

[browndog2]

Fish in a barrell, boys, fish in a barrell.

[avraamjack]

.
Any woman who is not hideous can easily get all the attention she wants by just going to a bar. If she is hideous all she has to do is wait until closing time.
.

[hypnus]

I want to help. I need to help. Never have a read about such a horrible plight and felt the strong urge to swing into action. Where are these women? Send me there phone numbers, please. Switching off the lights, switching on the Barry White....O­h, can't get enough of your love, Babe.....

[WinslowLeach]

Yeah! Hey Ladies. Daddy's open for business!

boom chicka-boom chicka-boom