George W. Bush To Gain Son, Jenna Bush To Lose Her Virginity

05/17/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Saturday is the big day--Jenna Bush is getting married. The wedding will take place in Crawford, since even Jenna doesn't want to be associated with the current White House. The lucky man is Henry Hager, a stand-up guy who, in honor of his country and his new father-in-law's top priority, will go to fight in Iraq immediately after the wedding.

Just kidding. He's finishing his MBA. But, no doubt, he'll be supporting the troops in his own way, perhaps on the crucial investment banking front.

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