Michelle Obama Talks About "Guilt" Women Hold

First Read:

A day after the revelation of Jesse Jackson's crude criticism of Barack Obama's speeches on fatherhood and faith-based initiatives, this morning Michelle Obama was talking about fatherhood, responsibility and accountability.

...

Obama used the roundtable audience, as she did yesterday, to describe her husband's understanding of women's issues through the prism of the strong -- but sometimes struggling -- women in his life.

His own mother, she said at the beginning of her remarks, was "very young and very single when she had him." And, Obama added, he has observed his wife's attempts to reconcile motherhood with her career aspirations.

"He sees me, his wife, who struggles every day with that guilt that we all hold deep in our hearts as women," she said. "That guilt that you don't have the choice to stay home, and even if you do, you feel guilty."

"He has seen me struggle with this my entire life," she added. "Trust me, Barack understands the struggles of women."

Read the whole story: First Read

Comments

[meanguy]

oh, great...more whining from the 'angriest millionaire in America'...yo, michelle, my wife can show you how take that $600 check and get earrings, school clothes for the kids, an oil change for the car, groceries, and have enough left over to take the family out for a nice dinner...in eschage, show her how to act like she's struggling if she ever made over $300k a year? she tried imagining such a thing, but fell over in a fit of giggles

[qdog112]

Perhaps your wife should have put in the work Michelle did to be in the disposition to earn 300k. Once upon a time it was a good thing to get educated. She was not born on third base, she worked to get there.

I applaud Ms. Obama and all working women.

[nomobull]

go away rush

[nclayla]

Was Michelle Obama whining? Nah - whiing is kinda alike what you are doing now.

[nclayla]

I see you were up early today, working hard to earn those shiny 'McCain Bucks'!

[LillianB]

I would love to see Michelle running for some position some day...... That woman is just great.

[sandtats]

In case any of you ladies are interested in reading or participating, today at 1PM CST three of Barack's policy advisers will be on the HQ blog www.barackobama.com to answer your questions about woman's economic security. Domestic Policy Director Neera Tanden, Deputy National Policy Director Danielle Gray, and adviser on economic policy Brian Deese will be having discussions and answering questions in the comment section.

[nclayla]

Thank you very much!

[mergina]

No man understands the struggles of women.

[bentenrai]

And vice-versa. Don't be sexist.

[Tommygun264]

While I will grant you the philosophical view that no one person can ever truly understand know the mind of another, to say that no man understands the struggles of women is self-serving crap. You forget about the silent witnesses to the struggles of women - their children. In these days of day care, nannies and play dates it's easy to forget that there was a time when small children were with their mother 24/7, in tow everywhere and although they may seem happily oblivious, children see and hear more than we think. A lot of those children are little boys who as they grow up are able to look back and see their childhood experiences from an adult perspective. The perpetuation of the myth that the onset of puberty wipes every man's memory and turns him into a rutting, macho pig incapable of empathy is perhaps one of the last socially acceptable forms of sexism.

[nclayla]

Well said, Tommygun!

[gonavy]

Very well put, brought back a flood of memories and how they might have shaped my brother.

[kingshmoopy]

As a stay-at-home mom with two sons and one daughter, none of whom had/have a nanny, been in daycare, or are overscheduled with playdates, lessons, etc. I could not agree more with you.

We enrolled our oldest (now 7) in school when he was 5, our daughter (now 5) started school this year. But our youngest son (22 months) is my constant companion in everything I do, as were his siblings before him. Our children see how I handle everything, and they follow my lead and they gain an understanding of adults through how I behave. Of course their dad is a huge influence on them, but they see more of me since I am home with them.

I think our sons will have a deeper understanding of women since they've spent so much time with me. I feel very blessed for having had the opportunity to stay home with them. It meant a lot of economic sacrifice, especially when we had our first, and it meant putting my career on hold but I wouldn't change it for anything. I've been asked a few times if I'm not anxious enough to go back to work to consider putting our toddler in daycare, I couldn't fathom it. I love having our time together and I know how quickly they grow, I wouldn't give this time up for anything because, soon enough, he'll be off to school as well.

[pupbayer]

Speaking today to women in economically struggling MI, Michelle Obama minimized benefits of Pres. Bush's $600 rebate check, joking "it may even feel good that first month when you get that check. And then you go out, and you buy a pair of earrings."

$600 earrings? Yeah, Michelle really understands the plight of the rest of us. I have NEVER spent $600 on a pair of earrings. I guess we know why she "has" to work, uh?

http://www.nationaljournal.com/hotline/latest_edition.php

[margardner]

Pupbayer, your out of touch. Do you by chance work for an MSM? You seem to be a real
spin doctor.

[pupbayer]

Excuse me? Check out the link or don't you read unbiased news sources?

You can say it isn't true but it still is.

[pupbayer]

BTW, you mean "you're out of touch." "Your" shows possession.

[williamg]

Hey pup, maybe we should reminisce about the good ole days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FvyGydc8no

[LillianB]

She'd never said she'd use all the money for earrings. She said when one get something extra, one gets oneself something extra. I don't know if that goes for you, but for me, unexpected extra money gives me the opportunity to get myself something I otherwise wouldn't have bought myself. Unexpected money adds flexibility to a budget, however much or little. And that's how I read her earring remark.

[PATina]

That's how I understood the comment as well. You could take that money & buy a $20 pair of earrings and still 'treated' yourself. People jump to the weirdest conclusions.

[Tommygun264]

My mother, who worked as a legal secretary, going out and spending $600 on a pair of earrings? No way. But an attorney with a degree from Harvard Law School working in a Chicago law firm that expects their lawyers to present themselves as confident and successful investing $600 in a pair of earrings? Absolutely.

[MetryJen]

Exactly. I just got promoted and had to go buy suits. It was a nerve-wracking expenditure, but I have to make the investment to look the part, if I'm want to get the next promotion, too.

[uheardme]

A woman who can loan her campaign $11 million understands the struggles of middle and lower-income working women. Riiiiight.

I'm sure Cindy McCain can relate to shopping at Target, too.


You rightwing drama queens are amusing.

[fair1234]

I am a mother that struggles with the sadness of leaving my daughter with daycare. I took leave for a year when she was born and it is now misery leaving her in daycare. I wish I could work from home or just had a lot of money saved up so I could take care of her. The sadness and guilt in my heart for leaving my daughter in day care 8 and one half hours a day just breaks my heart as I write this. I have been struggling with this sadness but understand that I have to work to keep us from homelessness. I wish more companies offered the ability to work from home so that I would not feel this guilt ridden about leaving her......

[LarBear]

fair1234....
I do understand what you speak of... Not that it makes a difference though, but I am a male... Been there and done that... Guilt is a Fear... Startle is Natural... Fear is a learned reaction...
Challenge your Fear... Without caring, you would feel no fear/guilt... With caring you can assist your child in her growing... Do NOT overcompensate for your fear/guilt... Hold her, hug her and help to mend her "boo boo's" of which she will get in learning... Hardest sometimes is allowing them to make their learning "efforts/choices" (most call them mistakes), but they are a needed part of learning... Be there to support what's "right" for them...
I worked with people who "hated" their job, but were already much career committed... As a Shop Steward, my question was, what do you want to hate your job for? You intend on doing this for years, before you retire... Does NOT it make sense to figure out what you can Love about your work instead? Usually that had never occurred to them, that I can tell you...
What can you learn about working and Life, you can bring home to your child each day? What do you notice new about your child each day? Love her with consistent discipline... (Not sometimes ok because of guilt and sometimes not ok)
Guilt/ Fear is a burden needing set down, NOT carried... Guilt is a choice, not a duty...

[iswideopen]

I'm so glad Michelle is "in touch" with reality. I used to live with that guilt too. We are all Americans dealing with the worst economic times brought on by 8 years of George W. Bush & Co. and their policies. Now, we are told "it's mental", all in our whinning heads, according to Phil Gramm and John McBush. Think, people. This election is our last chance for renewed prosperity and peace.

[margardner]

I am impressed and proud of Michele's work so far. Can you imagine the impact she will have as our first lady! She's connected and willing to engage with us women about real issues that affect our everyday lives.
Where is Cindy? Her silence speaks volumes**

[pupbayer]

She was in Vietnam screening children for dental surgery for Operation Smile. She's back in the U.S. now traveling with her husband.

[LarBear]

Part 2
In Fact, Michelle is a person with black skin... We ALL differ in skin tones... She made a choice, conscious, or not, to believe she is a "Black" person...They also made a choice to birth two children... Barack got a 1.9 Million Dollar Book deal... They chose to spend the money on a Mansion for 1.65 million, rather than Michelle staying at home to devote time to the two children.. CHOICE... Not right, not wrong, but choice... Any "guilt" on her part did NOT alter the choice...Barack chose running for President, rather than time with their children... Again choice! Please don't pretend to be struggling Parents trying to survive...
It is not Michelle's "guilt" that concerns me... Rather her apparent choice of living as a "Black" Person... And also, her apparent anger/hostility about people she categorizes as "White" People, does concern me... I don't care what color their skin is, or isn't... I do care about that as a part of a core Belief... I do care about unresolved "Racial" anger in a First Lady...
I also do NOT want a "Black" President, or "Black" First lady, as if I agree with that belief choice in Self Segregation, or as a Role Model affirming that Belief in Self Segregation, by part of our Society...... Nor the able-ness to use that "Black"-ness to manipulate others ( as has been done)...

[williamg]

Lar, tell us how you really feel.

[eden4barack08]

Wooah, when did it become OK to be so OPENLY and SHAMELESSLY bigoted and racist again?

I thought they operated covertly after 1992.

Shocking!

[ApolloniaCreed]

This reverse-racism, self segregating rhetoric will not work with most people... perhaps a new strategy/talking point is advisable. You sound a lot like Rush Limbaugh, really. And Rush Limbaugh (to me), seems to be someone who is not very... hmmm... let's just say "cultured".

[LarBear]

The Michelle, people Belief project onto her, doesn't exist...
Michelle is a Self Segregating "Black" Person... Like many others, uses her "Black" Belief/Choice, to manipulate people... That goes against what MLK Jr fought for... I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. OR I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character...
MLK Jr.
Sorry Martin, but the Obama's played to Race/Color, and also successfully played the Race/Color Card against the Clinton's, when NO mention of Race, or Color, was made... Barack is an example of a Political manipulator, not the fulfillment of your Dream... How can Segregation end, when a whole group chooses to Self Segregates by skin color, and raise their children as such? Worse yet, use Self Segregation as a historic excuse for their behavior, and a blame for others behavior... Like Spike Lee telling Eastwood, we're NOT on the Plantation now... Spike was not raised as a slave, or on a Plantation... I read a disgusting to me article on a child with black skin, raised by Loving Parents with white skin, who then complained he did not know how to be "Black" till his mid 20's... You were raised as a Human, Geeesh

[williamg]

At some point, can you find a new rant to cut and paste. This one is getting so old.

[Sophorn]

I have that guilt. If possible I would choose to be with my children instead of working. Unfortunately, I am working to pay someone else to raise my children and that is sad.

[4real]

Dag. Can Michelle say anything without people picking it apart or over analyzing it or doing anything besides taking it at face value. Why do we have to latch onto a word "guilt" and try to spin it one way or another.

What she said is true. There are some women who feel guilty about having to make a choice between going to work or staying home with their children.

Sheesh what ever happened to just being a human being and talking about human emotions.

Lay off Michelle.

[Seattlelite]

4real - People who relish in finding fault in Michelle can't lay off because for them the only way to feel better about themselves, is tear down and criticize other people.. If they're lucky some day they'll realize just the opposite is true.

[LarBear]

Seattlelite... How long have you been a "POT"???
YOU are certainly calling the kettle as "BLACK" to anyone who disagrees with you , or Michelle...
QUOTE: "...... because for them the only way to feel better about themselves, is tear down and criticize other people.. "
Do you think you will ever get "Lucky" as YOU define Lucky??
Quote: "If they're lucky some day they'll realize just the opposite is true."
Guess your "some day" has not arrived yet?

[LeaveArtieAlone]

It never fails, anytime I see an article on MO; I always know there will be virile comments no matter what she say or does.

[athy]

Sorry Mrs. Obama...
You are out of touch...
The number of women who feel 'guilt' about working and being away from the home 9 to 5 (or longer in some cases) has unfortunately dwindled in the last few years.

You see, for many women the choice is easy:
work to put food on my table, insure my family, and help provide shelter for my kids or...
stay at home and -if I am married to someone who can help make ends meet-stay at home and raise our children.

Women dont feel guilt...they need quality childcare and education for their children desperately-
SOME women in our country have the freedom to choose whether to work or stay at home however for millions of us- its not a choice- we MUST work.

We need childcare and health benefits for our family Mrs. Obama...not sympathy.

For those of us who are professionals-we are teaching our daughters that yes you can have it all but you must balance your life. We are serving as role models for our daughters who want to be doctors, lawyers...and yes...president of the United States. We do not need your sympathy. Spend your energy on helping find solutions for our sisters who have no choice but to work.

P.S Mrs. Obama, with all due respect...what has your husband done for the women and families in Illinois???

[PoliJunkie]

Mrs. Obama speaks for millions of women in this country. Face you will never understand or agree with anything her or O has to say.

[athy]

PoliJunkie,

And this voter speaks for millions of men and women in this country too.
White,African American,Asian,men,women,rich, poor, middle class...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUq2VmHHrqg

[margardner]

Exactly Polijunkie...... it seems like the O-bashers are out tonight!
Doesn't matter how positive Michele's platform is, they will find something negative to say.

[pupbayer]

What has he done for women and families in the U.S.? He has only voted on 45% of the Family and Children Issues and Women's Issues votes since he's been in the U.S. Senate.

[Daly]

and cain has not seen a womens issue that he'd want to vote on.

22 times against birth control contraceptive

voted against equal pay saying women need better education

And worst, no wonder he calls his wife nice pet names

[athy]

pupbayer-
I wouldn’t be too sure about the authorship of the legislation that Sen Obama was given credit for writing . Oh gosh…we will never know since Sen Obama can’t produce his own records from his days in the Illinois state Senate. He says he hasn't got any.

Ooookkkkaaay sir…anything you say…

http://www.pantagraph.com/articles/2007/11/15/news/doc473b8492b009e593715711.txt

http://www.houstonpress.com/2008-02-28/news/barack-obama-screamed-at-me/print

[MissT]

Is it really the message that you hate or is it the messenger?

[mistlesuede]

You sound very confused. If you don't think women feel guilt for not being able to do EVERYTHING PERFECTLY, then you aren't a woman.
You aren't making any sense. Probably a Clintonista.

[unity08]

Congratulations on having it all! Thats just peachy.
Choices are difficult for most women. Children, family and work is a delicate balance that cause many of us some anxiety and yes, even guilt. Can we survive it? Yes, but to deny it, is not helpful.

With all due respect, dont speak for me.

[athy]

Unity08-
I apologize if I was unclear. My children come first-just as I did where my mother was concerned.

I dont have it all. I'm african american mother (single) raising two children. I have two advanced graduate degrees. Life started out good for me after I finished college but then circumstances changed. No NEED TO NOT CONGRATULATE ME about having it "all". BTW...what is this "ALL" everyone keeps talking about?

I am role model for my children. I love them, nurture their emotional and physical growth, put food on table, provide shelter and education. I was blessed in that my family could watch my children when they were younger- while I worked. Many colleagues were/ are not so fortunate. Everything I have, I worked hard for.

Choices are extremely difficult for most women-and some men too.

We need solutions-not sympathy. Mrs Obama is stating obvious. What is her point ? Is she enlightning us or is she using rhetoric to win over women Clinton supporters? If she 's trying to win Clinton supporters then she's missed reason why many of us will not vote for Sen Obama...Its not because we are women...its because we question his loyalty, judgement, capability to do the job.We think that based upon his record...Sen Obama is in this campaign for his career, and financial and other reasons-not for good of nation. His past actions have led us to this conclusion.

I hope I've made myself clearer now...

[realtalk]

OBAMA UNDERSTANDS 100% THAT WOMEN SHOULD BE, AND MUST BE PAID THE SAME AS MEN.

JOHN McCAIN VOTED AGAINST THIS BILL! JOHN McCAIN DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT WOMEN SHOULD BE PAID THE SAME AS A MAN.

JOHN McCAIN IS OUTRAGEOUS! ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WOMEN NOT BEING PAID THE SAME AS A MAN IS A FORM OF DISCRIMINATION. IT IS WOMEN, SINGLE MOTHERS WHO ARE THE ONLY ONES USUALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN, PROVIDE THEM WITH A ROOF OVER THEIR HEAD, AND FOOD, AND CHILDCARE, HOW ARE WOMEN SUPPOSED TO DO THIS WHEN THEY ARE BEING PAID LESS THAN WHAT A MAN MAKES.

IT IS TERRIBLE, AND OUTRAGEOUS THAT JOHN McCAIN JUST DOES NOT GET JUST HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE TO STRUGGLE TO WORK, GET PAID LESS, BUT ARE STILL EXPECTED TO TAKE ON 100% OF RESPONSIBILTY FOR THE FINANCIAL CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN.

[pupbayer]

Don't lie. John McCain did vote against the bill.

Maybe John needs to go into white churches and preach about the responsibility of fatherhood.

[BJMS]

Yeah, he can tell them how to be a better father by leaving their crippled wives for a young beer heiress!!!

[suzukimom]

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/04/23/mccain-dismisses-equal-pay-legislation-says-women-need-more-training-and-education/

You are Right! He didn't vote for the Ledbetter Fair Pay Act on April 23, 2008. He skipped it there is proof at this link from Think Progress. But he also said that instead of legislating the right for women to fight for equal pay they should get "training and education". I think the point is that women are paid less for the same jobs. He must think that is okay because he doesn't want to give women relief through legislation. I think your guy loses on this one, but sadly so do all women and the families that depend on them.

[GravitonX]

Barack Obama's childhood was probably more complicated than most of us can comprehend, including the reasons why his parents didn't stay together. This entire subject should probably be relegated to the status of off-limits unless you hold several Ph.D.s in psychology, contemporary sociology, and social work and have been Obama's personal therapist for the last 20 years or so.

[pacats]

Nice try, but way off track. Try your talking points on one of the "We love to smear O sites" They will embrace your views.This article is about the guilt experienced by mothers. Try to focus.

[jdmccl]

The guilt women have about not being able to stay home? Our fastrack society is partly to blame. The true nuclear family is mostly found in flyover country where they actually do stay home and raise families. Did Barack have a deadbeat dad? Pardon my ignorance but the drone of "Change" seems to be the one true message I am hearing. I haven't seen any pics or heard much about him. McCains father was a decorated Admiral and his mom still has fire, both should be admired( I am sure they are just lesser demons in the GOp hell dominating the discussions on the hate sites. How about the guilt of fathers working 2 jobs to support families?

[ebethgay]

Maybe it's because I'm an elitist, but I have quite a few very smart friends who have made the choice to continue with their lucrative careers that feed their intellect and and challenge them, even after they've chosen to become mothers. And they all have a sense of guilt over that choice, even though their children receive the finest daycare available. It also appears that Michelle Obama was the primary wage-earner in their household until Senator Obama became a reknowned author. Sometimes I feel guilt that I earn more and am more educated than my husband.

There is nothing wrong with successful women feeling guilty about choosing to work over staying home - that is a very natural and human emotion. There are so many mothers who don't have a choice. But isn't it wonderful that women have so many more opportunities than ever before? I think it makes women better mothers when they can find fruitful outlets for their intellectual gifts while also being caring and nurturing parents.

[pacats]

Nice post.

democrats 08.

[nclayla]

Thanks for the post - if you have kids, they are quite lucky to have you.

[LarBear]

ebethgay.... QUOTE: "Maybe it's because I'm an elitist, but I have quite a few very smart friends who have made the choice to continue with their lucrative careers that feed their intellect and challenge them, even after they've chosen to become mothers."
Main Entry: elit·ism = 1: leadership or rule by an elite 2: the selectivity of the elite; especially : snobbery - elitism in choosing new members 3: consciousness of being or belonging to an elite
Yeah, those common women who stay home and raise children... Dull... Un stimulated... Low intellect...
Get a JOB Women, and pay someone to give your children Loving, Nourishing, stimulation...
QUOTE: " I think it makes women better mothers when they can find fruitful outlets for their intellectual gifts, while also being caring and nurturing parents."
Fear is guilt...
AhhhHH, Grasshopper: Your Fear reveals you... You Fear, you NOT being bright enough to stimulate your mind and educate you, while raising a child... Me thinks you are not alone in the Elite-ness of your Fear...
Do you soothe your consciousness, by believing you are so far above those lower caste dedicated Mothers??? Obviously your Guilt/Fear brings you to project it is a choice, of one, or the other... Career for the "Brightees," and Mommy for the "Dullees"... Please don't tell me you believe you are a Feminist???

[pupbayer]

If Hillary had said this, you would be jumping all over her saying she was playing the victim.

[biglith]

Hillary who?

[GravitonX]

ROTFLMAO

[Georgiapundit]

Hillary could not have articulated quite this well.

[uheardme]

She said as much in "It takes a Village".

(sigh)

Vote for McCain already.

[nclayla]

Well put!

[ropadopa]

I have finally figured out how to get comments posted, emulate all of the above. All our lives we prayed for a forum on the left where we could exchange constructive ideas and look what we have turned it into, a high school gossip board. I will continue to read but good this is good bye to posting comments.

[LarBear]

ropadopa

Maybe Ropa Dopa (essentially a boxing term about limiting the damage) may not be the first impression you want to make? Obviously, Your choice though...