Dane Cook Slams Own Movie's Poster

Dane Cook is NOT HAPPY with the new poster for his upcoming film My Best Friend's Girl, seen in full below. He posted the following rant about the design and bad photoshopping on his MySpace page. The film is out in September.

Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

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6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.

PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait ... it looks better.

Hey ... I love my new movie. Jeez ... it IS funny what love can make you do.

Comments

[ScandalousCandice]

I am so glad there are more people who find him so unfunny. How did he sel out Madison Square garden with zero funny material. People must sheep.

[massive]

Dane Cook is a talentless, unfunny bafoon. He shold be happy that he's conned enough people to give him work.

[MiddleRoadLiberal]

Dane Cook isn't funny. He should be happy he's on any movie poster.

[situationcritical]

I saw Dane yesterday in person, as I do from time to time. His skin complexion is just darker...that's all. And he's a little more blemished. But dude, it still looks like you on that poster. Be happy man.

[NewArtz]

What a great ploy to draw attention to a movie poster I would have otherwise ignored. He's absolutely right, the poster looks like the movie's a nostalgic remake of "Yours, Mine & Ours" or something. It's smaltzy, washed-out, and as edgy as a marble. I like his bitching about it, but my heart goes out to the graphic artist who designed it. Maybe Hallmark is hiring.

[molotov]

I must say that Dane Cook is right; the poster is atrocious and it makes him look like a mutant. He's spot on about the looks on the all of their faces. This sort of composition is SO cliche now, just like all the promotional spots and intros of every single reality show on television. If I see one more person with their arms crossed or arms akimbo -- "Look at me, I've got an attitude! I'm a contender! Don't mess with me! -- I'm going to vomit. Anyway, the poster needs to go.

[JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin]

Cook should just feel lucky he's still being cast in films, considering his last 2 films have sucked and have done very bad box office.

[barbara960]

I agree- he needs a new agent. He has played the same role in every movie he ever made. I think he's enjoyable to watch, but he picks awful roles. Ditto Kate Hudson, by the way.

[lolyla]

This is the aspect of his career he's having trouble with? Oh dear. Perhaps he should try an actual joke every now and again.

[Sassafras63]

Dang! Tough crowd of commentators today! I thought his rant was hilarious. That said I probably won't see the movie...not my cup of tea. But his stand up makes me chuckle and this rant did too. Some of you guys need to loosen up just a wee bit!

[SignedSealedDelivered]

come, come now dane...we know that's you.

[JimR]

I've been a big standup comedy fan since the 80s and am always looking for a reason to laugh! But he is one of the worst comics I have ever heard.

[SignedSealedDelivered]

Ego:
Where the hell is mine? I don't see it and I want it and I want it NOW!

Overrated:
It's way too transparent in this poster. Give me a break

Mani/Pedi:
What the hell? I spend five hours in a salon and no shots of me w/jazz hands and bare feet to show off Mr. Cho's good work?

[happycat]

With the exception of Alec Baldwin, who I absolutely love, the cast totally sucks. Not only would I not pay a penny to see the movie, I won't see it for free when it is on TV.

[yngcelt]

You know with all the criticism and misplaced hatred toward Dane from this humorless group on Huffington Post, I would like to say that Dane is a funny comedian, he's successful because he is funny and I say that if there is anyone who is not funny in any way, shape or form it's Bill Maher. He is a failed comedian, failed actor and world class liberal suck up who is about as funny as a child molester running a day care center.

[rabb046]

Well, at least you managed to get the word "liberal" in your screed.
When does YOUR movie come out? I can't wait.
BTW, Dane Cook couldn't carry Maher's vomit if it landed in his lap.

[yngcelt]

Who said I needed to have a movie coming out to comment? I didn't realize YOU set the rules here. And why would Dane Cook want to carry anyone's vomit? Is that what Bill Maher has to contribute to comedy? Vomit? I can see the connection since I want to vomit every time I see Bill Maher's rat-looking face with those beady eyes and hear his nasally, whiny voice.

[nsmavrik]

I think Bill Maher is a very funny comedian, but he is VERY judgemental and we need a little less of that. No matter how hard he tries he will NEVER take over for George Carlin.

At least when Dane judges he actually says something hilariously funny. Bill just preaches. I think I'll go have a big juicy steak for Bill Maher's sake right now.

[lolyla]

Dane is a funny comedian the same way that bubonic is the most humorous of the plagues.

[JaneaneTheAcerbicGoblin]

LOL!!!

[Eric8869]

Bill Maher sold out on Broadway, sells out at concert halls, has a successful HBO show, he sells books - He's hardly a failure.

[JimR]

"he's successful because he is funny"

Yeah, yeah. And Bush is president because he's smart.

[LiberalBuzz]

Dane isn't funny and the poster makes him look better than he really is. The guy always looks like he needs a shower, needs to wash his hair AND his clothes and someone should introduce him to a razor blade.

Did I mention he ain't funny?

Well he's not.

And talk about an overinflated view of himself.....

Dude, get a clue.

[WolfLarsen]

Who keeps giving the lamest comic in America these movie parts? The only thing more pathetic then his "humor" is his tireless horn-blowing of a "look at me please" career. His act is a joke but unfortunately the material isn't.

Dane your 15 minutes are a few hours past due.....go away.....please.

[nsmavrik]

Give us your definition of Comedy. Please

[lolyla]

Yes. In five words or less please.

[JimR]

"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

—Steve Martin

[ENK727]

He's very popular with the teenage and twenty something crowd...

[Charity]

*nsmavrik* - dane's mom?

[guinness327]

I think Louis C.K. did that rant last year.