POLITICS
09/13/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Masterful Math Of Tucker Bounds

I'm really enjoying McCain spokesperson Tucker Bounds' response to this Obama ad today:

"In the Senate, Barack Obama has voted in lockstep with President George W. Bush nearly half the time, including the Bush-Cheney Energy bill which gave close to 3 billion dollars in new giveaways to Big Oil - a terrible policy that John McCain opposed. The truth is Barack Obama's plan is a job killing machine that ignores the struggling economy and raises taxes on family savings, social security and small businesses," said Tucker Bounds, a spokesman for McCain.

Wow! So, this is "Straight Talk." Where "lockstep" voting means "half the time." Oh, I'm sorry! "NEARLY" half the time! Since the McCain camp started in with their "Celebrity" ads, I had worried that none of them had been to the movies since Titanic and Wayne's World were in the theaters. But this memo is clear evidence that Bounds, at least, has seen Anchorman.

Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.


[opens cologne cabinet]

Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.

Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.

Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

Brian Fantana: Yep.

Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.

[cheesy grin]

Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.

Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.

Of course, Bounds is losing his bearings. Not too long ago, he was quick to point out how out of lockstep Obama was with the President!

JULY 18, 2008:

This afternoon, McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds hit back, "The truth is National Journal, a non-partisan publication, ranked Barack Obama as the most liberal Senator in the U.S. Senate. John McCain simply said that he didn't know whether or not Barack Obama is a socialist, and noted that national rankings have rated him as more liberal than the only self-proclaimed socialist in the Senate. It's up to Barack Obama to explain his extreme record."

So, where does this leave President Bush? Is it up to Bush to explain 40% of his extreme record? Is he nearly half of the most liberal Senator? Is he almost in lockstep with socialism?

No, silly! He's Brick Tamland.