Is Infidelity Easier For Men?

John Edwards was supposed to be a one of the good guys - he seemed like the kind of husband who'd clean up around the house and take his wife to chemo. But it turns out he was yet another married man lying about an affair (with Rielle Hunter, a woman who produced his campaign videos) and he only came clean after being cornered by the media. His wife, Elizabeth Edwards, already knew about his mistress when the news broke and she hass stuck by his side throughout the scandal. Why is it that we so often hear about high profile men cheating, but we rarely hear about women doing so? Perhaps it's because societal structure combined with differing motivations for infidelity mean it's simply easier for men to cheat.

Despite knowing that men stray, not to mention the oft-repeated statistic that most marriages end in divorce, women still put time and energy into making relationships work, especially when compared with men. There's no doubt that dudes today are more invested in their relationships than they were in cavemen times, but their commitment doesn't create mega-hits like Sex and the City, a show about four women talking about men, or reading articles like "The Secret Girlfriend Weapon," which details psychological tricks to improve your couple bond, or "How To Emerge From a Fight More in Love," actual articles from Cosmopolitan.com, whose print version is the top-seller on newsstands. By putting so much of their time and energy into the fairy-tale idea that relationships can be perfect, women set themselves up to be disappointed-or to at least look like big losers-when their man has an affair.

Luckily, the statistics show that we aren't as naïve as all that. Women are only seven percent less likely to cheat than men, according to a study released this week from the University of New Hampshire.

Read the rest at Tango.com.

Comments

[tbirdalum]

You know, I have a question. Are people saying the percentage of men cheating is higher than women? How did we come to this conclusion? Who are they cheating with. It seems to me that women play a part in this action. Should'nt it be 50/50?

[2stupid4words]

If men were baiting the trap, I could better understand the hoopla. However, if one is saying that women are not adventurous also, I must then question the those who think she is not. Human behavior does not seem to have changed in all of these eons. remember Samson and Delilah? Jezebel? What strange quirk causes a female to bait a trap knowing that men will eventually fall for it, eventually? How many females are used as foils to bring a man down to earth? Sorry, but after all of the hoopla, I believe the woman in the Edwards affair was a 'plant'.

[joebiz]

Men love "strange" va-jay-jay and women know this and exploit the weakness.

My bone of contention is the way women are surprised, shocked, and even dismayed to know that a presidential candidate has biological drives and sexual urges.

Women are taught and or learn at a young age to attract men. Women are masters at getting attention from men using visual and other cues. The clothing, make-up, jewelry, perfume, flirting, hairstyle, cutesy talk, and on and on. Most men think of sex every 7-10 SECONDS and we live in hyper-sexual society with constant bombardment of sexual imagery, innuendo, and symbols.

My problem is not the cheating, but why is a man Edwards' age getting Hunter preggers? Pills, condoms, sprays, lotions are available to cut the chances of pregnancy.

And, who's to say how long it's been since the Edwards had sex?

[hollyo]

The baby is NOT Edwards, the real father has come forward, a coworker of Rielle.
With all respect for Elizabeth Edwards , people with severe illness are NOT sexy.
I don't blame Edwards at all but the should have quietly withdrawn his candidacy.
Reille is extrememly flirtatious and seductive in all the photos I've seen.
She's obviously very ambitious and saw a short cut for her new career.

[joebiz]

My bad. I thought with all the hoopla and the Edwards' mea culpa on TV, he admitted that he was "baby's daddy." Huh? That's a first for a politician, admit doing something ancillary (cheating) but not the end result of the sexual menage (preganancy and baby).

[S1m0n]

How many 'real fathers' is that, so far?

[sonny088]

I just can't help laughing at all these people who insist on trying to fit a square peg into a round hole..avoid infidelity altogether and be happy, stay single! I go to bed calm and peaceful every night, although sometimes I can't help but shake my head at some of these people.

[PatA]

Actually, it is our business to know about the affair itself...he ran for President of the United States and scores of supporters gave him their hard earned money.
What if he had been nominated? Would it then cause you a problem?

[MBryant]

I guess your challenging question was for me.

Firstly I did give money to John Edwards - it wasn't his haircut that I liked but his liberal populist position on issues. I suppose I should feel bitter that my money was squandered on her travel and eventual relocation - but Edwards is rich he could have afforded it anyway - she did have some role in the campaign - and my money has been wasted by government and psuedo goverment on worse things.

Secondly, would have, could have, maybe ifs are difficult - I think it is possible that the affair may have had something to do with Edwards lack of success. So maybe this lack of promise was self-fulfilling. In hindsight - as good as he looks on the surface, the guy has never really been a good vote-getter.

If Edwards had won the nomination it would mean that both parties had nominees that had affairs while their wife was ill. The difference: McCain was the pursuer and dumped his wife for the twenty year younger pretty heiress. Edwards was the pursued, has admitted his mistake and is trying to reconcile.

[Jasel]

Uhh no Edwards admitted his "decision" after he got caught (and from what I've heard Elizabeth had to drag that out of him) and she stayed with him for the sake of the kids. And it also sounds like he's been lying to her since his "admission" anyway.

[gymbunnybee]

I honestly think women are just better at hiding it and coming back to their own lives once the affair has fizzled out.
Also by nature, women are just more suspicious of men and will check phones/pockets/receipts till they find something to implicate men.
I'm a woman and I'm guilty of the same thing - I also engage in serious flirtation across the board which he will never find out about.

[NoSillyName]

So you actively go looking for things to get upset about or to end a relationship. Sounds counterproductive.

[hollyo]

Yes, we hide it better...and we're never suspected so it's easier.

[MBryant]

I'm not sure how generally relevant the Edwards case is - it is very anecdotal. Even though we think we become "intimate" with celebrities like the Edwards we cannot really know what is going on in their marriage or in their individual psychies. This is celebrity projection and just not valid.

There are things we know:
John Edwards is a very attractive celebrity who was targeted by a self-admitted "Free thinker" who thought it constructive to "Free men from bad marriages by having affairs with them". His wife was having serious on and off health problems which often result in exhaustion and he was separated from her and his family for sometimes long periods of time and under a lot of stress to raise money and get publicity. Ms. Hunter came into his life in a seemingly innocent way - as a documentary film maker. He says he made a mistake and we have no reason not to believe him on that point. The fact that the affair lasted for several months should not be surprising, once you are in a situation like that and have made the mistake (and are getting the rewards?), you've already crossed the line and it can be hard to stop. His current situation with his wife - who it appears he intends to return to and try to make amends with - is their business and again the emotional state of that is unkownable and in fact - none of our business.