Late Night Jokes Of The Week: McCain's Houses, Hillary's Pantsuits, Kristol's Cold Heart, & Michelle's Patriotism

This week in the best of late-night videos, Jay Leno jokes about John McCain's homes, Jimmy Kimmel looks into Hillary Clinton's pantsuit man-bitches, Stephen Colbert highlight's Bill Kristol's heart of stone, Conan O'Brien jokes about Barack Obama's musical tastes, and Jon Stewart hits the media on Michelle Obama's patriotism.

Watch:

Comments

[walk0nwalls]

Jon's was the best. Kimmel's was second place though, it was a really good joke dig for his writers, well done.

[qwr]

All the jokes except Conan's were funny as hell.

[NicoleAnon]

Someone below mentioned that this has become a mean country and I agree and you can see that in comedy and what we think is funny.

People are ripped to shreds is the most nasty, mean, vicious way and people think it's funny. It used to be that children were off-limits but now SS calls Britney Spear's children "mistakes" right in front of her. I just finished Chelsea Handler's book and was shocked at how vicious and mean she is in an attempt to be funny and people must like it because the book is popular.

I've always thought subtle humor took more talent but what do I know.

[stagebandman]

And once again, Jon Stewart NAILS it!

[BourbonDemocrat]

Hee hee, good stuff! Where do I sign up to be a man-bitch?

[zaneblue]

Can that idiotic blog about Toby Keith and Colbert please get moved off the top of the Colbert Big News page, now that Toby Keith has publicly endorsed Obama?

[RPO]

Another lie about the death (murder) of another of our solders? Oil Prices, violation of our constitutional rights, Abu Graib, Guantanamo "prison", economy in shambles, rising unemployment, chaos in the housing market, Property taxes raising while our housing market values drop. over four thousand of our young death in a senseless war, hatred for the US around the world, the arrogant "pardon" of his buddy Libby's criminal sentence, lies, lies, lies and more lies. A few days ago, Mr Bush said "we should not disregard the gains made in Iraq" What gains? Do we now count death and destruction as gains? We should be furious about these George W Bush's daily practices. We should truly be showing the world that "We the People" count in a VERY big way. However, the apathy of we the people is embarrasing, disconcerting, disheartening. We seem to care more about Kim Kardashean's injured toes than about what is affecting our daily lives.

[KarlaElisa]

Impeach, Indict, Imprison and Execute the War Criminals. Nothing less will do.

[JohnKdrew]

The Palin choice terrible... how can anyone STILL pretend that global warming is not happening? I wish that he had chosen otherwise -- or that she is prepared to learn... . We have too little money to fix EVERYTHING that climate breaks. Triage is applied in an emergency to allow the most globally beneficial use of inadequate resources. There will be severe climate disruptions, which will be left untreated because they will be recognized as able to recover autonomously. Selected climatically-induced emergencies where tax-payers" money can reduce suffering will be funded. Last, and most sadly, there may be even situations where unlimited funds cannot reverse impacts and the limited funds are deemed better deployed on other projects for more go to www.climatechangetriage.net

[SynapticDecay]

I might remind some of us, that the Rainforests were being cut down long before anyone started getting on a soap box about global warming.
And now NO ONE talks about the RAINFOREST issue. its like the Savings and Loan Scandal with McCain (Keating 5) and we have forgot he was in on that.
My point, we could try to use some BILLLONS we drop in Iraq to plant trees or buy off the people cutting down the rain forest - Maybe... or I could be worng....
PALIN IS A GASTLY CHOICE; but hopefully it will help elect Obama which is a more reasonable choice. I could not stand to hear McCains voice for another 4 years and Palins voice is just as crappy! JESUS SAVE US from the REPUGS!

[Sensationalist]

I have an idea. Let's buy you a rocket so you can go up into the sky with a sewing kit and fix the ozone layer. Then we can all live happily under Obama's foot.

[wheresthebeef]

Flat-Earther alert.

[Buddy McCue]

Some idea. Good luck with that one.

[JLopez]

Giuliani said that Palin has more executive experience that Obama and Biden "combined""
Wow, this is the same propaganda that lead us to war for oil and our children DIED!!

[LegalCat]

Well, it's true, technically. As both mayor of Wasilla and governor of a state with a population smaller than Indianapolis, she was an executive-branch official, which neither Obama nor Biden has ever been; their careers have both been entirely in the legislative branch.

Let's see, is that true of anyone else? Hey, yeah -- she also has more executive experience than McCain and McCain and McCain. You can multiply his zero years of executive experience by whatever number you want, and you'll still come out with a lower figure than Sarah Palin's. Maybe SHE should be the presidential candidate and McCain should be the VP, because of all that very important executive experience.

Giuliani's remarks underscore the point that every aspect of Palin torpedos another of McCain's sales points. Experience counts? Palin doesn't have any. Judgment counts? Really poor judgment picking her. Ethics count? One (neologistic) word: Troopergate.

[DebbieinPhx]

Guilliani went from America's Mayor to just another GOP joke.

[wheresthebeef]

"Guilliani went from just another GOP joke to America's Mayor to just another GOP joke." There. Fixed it for you. Invoice to follow.

[Mij13]

Those poor "pantsuit guys"! Will they ever live this down? Guess who won't be running for podus in 2012

[Wilburrr]

President Of Da United States?

[joceeco]

I was just thinking the same thing about PODUS (POTUS)

[JLopez]

Giuliani said on CBS' "Face the Nation." That Palin has more executive experience that Obama and Biden "combined""

WOW WEEEE........ this is the same propaganda that lead us to war for oil and our children DIED!!

[era996]

Well,
she said America is a downright mean country,, she became proud of her country when Barack was doing well, and got the marching orders from rev Wright.

[PingMama]

She made one gaffe, and immediately clarified what she meant to say.

We're up to 72 gaffes for McCain.

And do you really think McCain is putting his Country First by choosing an unqualified VP pick a heartbeat away from the Presidency?

McCain - putting election first before country.

[DebbieinPhx]

Hear!Hear! And let us review a few of McCain's most sterling moments:

Bomb, bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran
There are going to me more wars, My Friends, mor wars.
We need to bring back the draft? I don't disagree with ya there!
We're concerned about that border between Pakistan and Iraq
It's the Shites, no, the insurgents, no wait, it's Al Qaeda, no? What was the question?
Houses? I'll have my staff to get back you...
Cindy, show em' your t*ts
Hey you dang kids, get off my lawn!!!

[brooklyncitizen]

Eyes rolling.

Are your proud of Jim Crow and Slavery and the fact that most of the men on death row are black and 50% of black men are incarcerated?

Or are you proud that America invaded a sovereign nation that didn't attack us, but we have dismantled and destroyed Iraqui's cities and homes and lives...is this what makes you proud?

[researcher]

new souls old souls on this planet

the repubs confuse patroitism with compassion for others

47 million without health care says it all about american compassion

and of course 700 military bases around the world says the rest

or how about one per cent of americans having more wealth than 150 million other americans

it is a class stuggle and until americans figure that out nothing will change demo or repub

peace

[Mij13]

Stewart got it right: you rep thugs are great at talking about how much you love this country, you just hate half the people living in it! Not to mention our constitution. Oh, I just did.

[estevancarlos]

Ask an older black man or black woman if they think this country is mean. Then ask them why they feel that way.

My grandfather had to live under the spectre of lynchings. His mother was a slave for a period of time of her life.

Ask them if they think this country is "mean".

[dadw5boys]

Standing orders in my business if Bill Kristol ever come in he is to be denied service !

I don't serve snakes !

[Wilburrr]

Snakes are angelic compared to Bill Krystol. Why demean snakes?

[JLopez]

Ok, after sleeping on this pick for several days if elected this is how it will play out.

Beverly Leslie (John McCain) and Karen Walker (Sarah Palin) will have a Martini Party during Inauguration. Benge, Beverly Leslie business associate will move into the White House as a domestic partner and Karen Walker will recommend that Jack Daniels and Jonny Walker Red be appointed to the Supreme Court.

Former Governor of NJ Jim McGreevy will be appointed as Head of State and Senator Stevens as Head of Transportation. The White House will be painted Hot Pink and the USA property value will soar. Thus, the economy will be back on tract. Awesome plan.

NOTE: As a register Democrat in NJ who has never votes Republican, if these talking points are stress to the media I will have to reconsider my Party affiliations.