10 Terrible Parenting Tips

Every new parent gets a few copies of Goodnight Moon, gobs of bibs and blankets, and loads of advice: You have to nurse ... breast is best. Don't bother nursing ... formula is a godsend. Don't go to your child when he cries at night ... let him cry it out. Only parents who hate their kids let them cry at night. And on and on.

Some gems have the staying power of the Rolling Stones even though they seem a bit, well, dangerous. And horrifying. And just plain silly. Call me an uptight mommy, but I'm filing these under Worst Parenting Tips Ever:

1. "If your baby bites another child, bite him back to show him how much it hurts." A cousin to this is the oldie-but-crazy wisdom about spanking your kid every time he hits another kid. Somehow teaching a kid not to hit by hitting him fails the common-sense test.

Keep reading...

Comments

[KatherineC]

Sooo true. I can't believe people would ever give their kids whiskey. Come on how long does that last on your own gums if you really want to try and defend it? On the biting one we have twins and they started biting each other as soon as they could walk. Our pediatrician told us to put pepper in their mouth. Made me think of training our Labrador. Well it worked. BTW - we use black pepper from the table not cayenne or anything.

[Swerinjer]

Abuse without feeling or passion.

[r bee]

I consider anything that comes from Dr. James Dobosn and Focus on the Family to be bad parenting advice as well.

[deeppeace]

When my son was

[fleaba]

Natural consequences for negative actions. If you don't enforce it as a parent, believe me, it will happen to your kids at some point in their life. We all know the kids from families who act like spoiled monsters and unless there is some sort of mental or behavior issue, the problem is that parents don't hold kids accountable. I can't tell you how many of my daughter's friends (teenage) act like complete morons when adults speak with them. NO "Hello" or Thank you" . What is up with that?

[JayInDallas]

We experienced a great deal of success with a tip from Maria Montessori. Offer alternatives to unwanted behavior. Using "No, you can't have that, but you can have this or this" we actually avoided the "Terrible Twos" through 4 kids. Now they don't have meltdowns when they hear "no", they actually look to see what other alternatives there are. It's simply great. We're on to "of the alternatives available, which is better? Why?"

[dhertzfe]

The MAIN rule of parenting, which is a mistake parents now a days make by not following, NO means NO and there are consequences for not listening. This rule MUST be adhered to until your child leaves the nest.

So many parents cave after saying NO so the child never understands the meaning. A child raised with limits is a happy child and grows into a responsible adult.

Also, the thinking, "We want to give our child everything we couldn't have while growing up." is SO wrong. This causes the child to have the entitlement issue that so many of our young people have today. They must learn that the good things in life are EARNED not just given for no reason.

Adhering to these two philosophies instills self-confidence in your child and your child will give you respect. Don't follow these two simple principles and you will wonder why your child does not respect you, does not listen to you and even may hate you.

[miladyfair]

Newsflash - suck_ing the thumb CAN cause buckteeth - I really screwed up my teeth and mouth. However, my daughter does it, and I can't bring myself to be hard on her about it.

[cinemaven]

I agree with all of them except the first... but I only disagree with it if you're talking about a chronic biter. When a child bites, they don't feel a thing and they get a gigantic payoff, the whole world stops as the poor kid they've bitten screams in pain. Usually, the child who bit doesn't like the payoff but the occasional child LOVES it and continues to bite other kids with no remorse. My nephew was one of those kids who bit until no one would let their kids play with him. My sis tried everything.. she explained, she took toys away, she explained some more but he was 4 and really didn't care. One day in a fit of exasperation, she bit him gently (no teeth marks, no discoloration or broken skin like he left on other kids) and he screamed and cried. She sadly told him that every time he bit another child, she would have to ask them to bite him back just like she did.... last time he ever bit anyone. I think he honestly didn't understand how much it hurt until he felt it for himself.

[shaaronie]

LOL! Uh Yeah! Children are little scientists and they do things to judge reaction. The little biter enjoyed the reaction and did it over and over again! It did'nt hurt him! So instead of allowing the kid to enjoy this behavior, you advanced his theory and now he knows it hurts. Voila, psycopathic behavior modification! It's severe, but effective!

[fleaba]

I agree. When I was 2, we lived next door to a biter. My mom finally had it with the biter and bit him back. He never did it again.

[jerkzilla]

"Treating your kid as a little adult" Sure, but how about treating your kid like a human being? Cesar Milan? Really? Um... children aren't dogs, you know. There's actually a good argument for letting your children have choices (not "what do you want to do?" but "Do you want to have an apple or do you want a slice of cheese?" those kind of choices), instead of bossing them around. See, choices give children a sense of freedom and independence, and children can then see the outcome of the choice they made, which in turn teaches them about cause and effect which is an important common sense skill that a lot of people don't seem to have these days. Whereas just being pushed around by an "alpha parent" and being told what to do all of their lives will probably breed resent and rebellion when the kids reach their teenage years. But what do I know, I think of children as human beings, and not animals. Dogs? really?

[jwross]

I agree with the person who suggested boarding school. Because this person's kids are going to be both uptight and spoiled.

[OnTheCusp]

Yep! You ARE an uptight mommy.
BTW, wouldn't your children prefer a uptight mother to an uptight mommy? Mommies are gross!

[MountainTime]

Best Advice: Boarding School.

[wolfgangmo]

You are bundle of uninformed opinion. This is unsolicited advice.

[wm1066]

Here is another; Treating your kid as a little adult.
Some parents are always asking thier kids what THEY want to do, never just making an adult decision and moving on. This makes the kid insecure, Its good when the parents are in charge and the kid is aware of this, they can count on them being alpha parent. When the parent is always asking the kid what to do the kid starts to wonder if the parent doesn't know things and this can frighten the kid.
I worked with a number of families in the early eighties and I saw this time and again. Parents were not being alpha adults and the kids became freaked out and uncontrollable. Take a que from Cesar Milan and BE the pack leader if your the parent. Your kids will feel safer.

[2grainsofsalt]

Basically good points, but then you mention "alpha parent" and "if your the parent": too bad.

You're right about not treating children as little adults. Unfortunately this surefire recipe for spoiled, self-centered kids, dysfunctional families, and hapless, annoyed bystanders is popular in many "advanced" countries throughout the world.

Kids aren't "frightened" by moronic adults always asking *them* what the best way is, they just have no idea because they are kids. They respond selfishly and impulsively (childishly, naturally), and there are no real adults around to help them. Not "alpha parents", just parents. People who are willing to put in the effort, make decisions, and discipline their kids when they need to, rather than acting like respectful colleagues, or understanding therapists: "I see. Interesting. Why do you think that's so? What do you think would be best here? Yes, yes. When I was your age, I had an aversion to greens as well, perfectly natutral."