10/23/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

BuyMyShitpile.com: Sell Your Bad Assets To Paulson

The bailout legislation proposed by Henry Paulson and the Bush Administration is straight-up terrifying nonsense, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that the administration could have stepped up and acknowledged this economic death spiral at numerous points in the past, but instead waited to even think about the matter until everything was going down the drain. Now, the people who continually got the economy wrong want carte blanche and blind trust to spend an ungodly amount of your money to preserve and protect and defend other people's wealth.

Well, America, it's not too late. Thanks to an innovative web site, Buy My Shitpile, Henry!, there's now a way for everyone to get their distressed assets into the game. As the site's purveyors note, "With our economy in crisis, the US Government is scrambling to rescue our banks by purchasing their "distressed assets", i.e., assets that no one else wants to buy from them. We figured that instead of protesting this plan, we'd give regular Americans the same opportunity to sell their bad assets to the government."

The beauty of it, of course, is that since Paulson has neither any plans to subject the bailout to any oversight nor offered any clue as to how any of these distressed assets will be priced, you can basically take your crap and assign it any pricetag you want. Like "Buy My Shitpile, Henry!" says, "It's not what you can sell these items for that matters, it's what you think they are worth. The fact that you think they are worth more than anyone will buy them for is what makes them bad assets."

The current value of our collective shit is $5,894,949.31 and growing, but act fast! America has only got a few days to become "too big to fail."