Is Marriage More A Matter Of Timing Than Magic?

10/31/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Tad Safran The Times

It's an unromantic theory that implies that marriage is more a matter of timing than of magic. But there's something in it. I know of many relationships -- including some of my own -- that broke down when the women pushed for commitment, but succeeded only in being pushed out of the taxi. The New York taxi driver theory implies that the clever women are the ones who quietly cling on in there, monopolising the back seat, with the doors firmly locked, until the driver is ready to turn off his meter. Did you ever play pass the parcel as a child? The kids who won were the ones who passed it particularly slowly, maximising their time with the parcel.

Men don't like to admit it, but we talk about relationships every bit as much as women. Especially as we get older. We don't discuss them like women do: with wisdom and familiarity. Men discuss relationships like monkeys trying to decipher sheet music.One of the main themes of our analysis is: how do you know if she's The One? What has emerged in my research is that "when" is every bit as important as "who". This was illuminated the other night when a friend, after a few glasses of wine, confided in me: "If I'd met my wife even a year before I did, there's no way I would have married her." It's not that he doesn't love her. It's just that, at that time, he simply wasn't ready to settle down.

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