Polyamory Means Several Sex Partners And Lots Of Talking

The New York Times:

Polyamory gained a degree of cultural vogue in the sexual revolution of the 1970s, when books like "Open Marriage" made best-seller lists and swingers capitalized on the concept to justify experimentation. But while it failed to survive the era of fern bars for the mainstream population, a small but vocal collection of adherents -- many borrowing the language of inclusion used in the gay rights movement -- argues that polyamory can be a workable, responsible way to live.

Read the whole story: The New York Times

Comments

[Kahill]

Wonderful as long as you are young (what isn’t?), or if there are no children involved!

[mredder4]

Must be fun, living in the city. Meanwhile, out in the suburbs, I can't even find one relationship, much less multiple ones.

I find polyamory to inherently be about selfishness. Relationships are about offering part of yourself to someone else, not expecting that someone else complete or fulfill you to your greatest expectation. It also seems to be a severe dilution of love itself. "So what if I don't love one person fully? I love, like, 4 people just a little bit. Isn't that the same?" No, no it's not. It's not the same at all.

It also seems like a trend, something that the well-off can do with their free time. The vast majority of the country doesn't spend time in different cities, and require a different partner for all the time spent in each one. Some of us make distance work, or in some cases have distance get in the way.

Again, if you say that you love someone, how can they believe you when you say the same thing to someone else who's not you?

[Zyzzyx]

Energetically, this isn't going to work. Bad feelings over a toothbrush is definitely a first chakra (belonging) issue. Sixth chakra is trying to intellectualize satiation of second chakra (sex) desires, but first chakra is feeling insecure. God forbid that love (forth chakra) comes into play because, whenever there is a battle between the sixth and fourth chakras, the heart always wins and someone usually gets hurt.
I feel bad for these folks. After having, myself, thoroughly enjoyed (and paid for) unprotected sex during the sexual revolution with many partners, I know that they will ultimately have both physical and energetic issues to contend with.

[truthFORauthorityNOTaft]

The problem with the polyamorous people that I have met isn't what they necessarily do themselves (all the more freedom to them) but that they advocate their lifestyle as the best there is out there. I have had quite a few trying to tell me how an exclusively monogamous relationship is harmful and unnatural. Often they claim that since most Poly people have been in monogamous relationships before turning to Polyamory, they are more qualified to pass judgment. Well, for one, I have given deep thought to the nature of my relationship because this is what fits me best.

That's like gay people, telling all the population that we are all secretly gay [while a good percentage of people are naturally gay, this is hardly every single one of us]. Definitely the wrong strategy to gain representation and mainstream acceptance.

Your lifestyle is the best choice for you, and the jury should be out on everyone else.

[mandalaina]

Actually, being poly is a very, very difficult road to travel. I've not heard one successful poly family or configuration say it was easy or should be adopted by the mainstream.

What I HAVE witnessed is for the poly community to ask for toleration of their lifestyle choice. Yes, this is a choice, unlike being GLB or T. And it's not easy--it calls for a tremendous amount of conversation, self-awareness and self-discipline.

If the parties involved are simply in it for kinky sex, it's not going to work over the long term.

Early on, when the gay community was working toward equal civic rights in marriage, they purposefully distanced themselves from the poly crowd; for one thing, their agenda had to remain clear, but for another, they knew mainstream society would accept their agenda before they'd accept polyamory.

[kreider204]

If it works for you, great. Personally, I don't have the energy. :-)

[mandalaina]

It's hard for those who don't understand, but polyamory isn't necessarily "swinging." There are as many flavors of poly as there are people involved, but for the most part, many practice something called "polyfidelity." It is being faithful to the parties involved.

I disagree with the Dr. who assumes that a person who happens to practice polyamory just "hasn't met someone special." I would recite anecdotes, but they aren't definitive proof of my opinion, so will leave it at that. I disagree with him.

Another book would be "The Ethical Slut" by Katherine Liszt and Dossie Easton.

[revko]

Roly Poly Amory

[Badbone]

The problem with starting something like this is, you may not be able to stop.

[mespace]

The main problem is the women in these relationships. They aren't always into lesbian sex. They aren't into partner swapping. If they are in it just for the sex, they complain about always getting stuck with a crotchety old guy while their husbands get a smoking hot younger gal. I can't see how any of this is good for women on any level. Unless your wife is a bisexual into older men, in which case it may just work. http://mespace.wordpress.com