O'Reilly's War On Christmas Goes Retail

You know, as I walked up into the CVS across the street from my apartment a few days ago and saw the store festooned with Christmas decorations, I had two thoughts. First, I thought, "November 3rd! That's not so bad, actually!" And indeed, it wasn't: in previous years, area stores had their Christmas decor up before Halloween. But then I had another realization: namely, that the coming of the Christmas decorations brought an ill Yuletide wind along with it - the annual mindfrack that is Bill O'Reilly's War On Christmas.

It basically works like this. We live in a capitalist society, and consumer spending tends to increase during the Christmas season. To avoid alienating any customers during that peak period, many retailers have their cashiers say "Happy Holidays," because why not be nice? For centuries and centuries, this was totally fine with everybody because it made a lick of good sense. Then, one year, a bunch of feckless dimwits came to an extraordinary conclusion - saying "Happy Holidays" was "politically correct," and everyone who practices Christianity had the right to expect a complete stranger to recognize them as a Christmas practitioner by sight and specifically wish them "Merry Christmas," or else IT WAS WAR. Obviously, this latter position is the one you want to build an entire society around.

Bill O'Reilly has been, on a yearly basis, one of the most fervent and shrill public figures, wailing about the supposed War On Christmas, because he is precisely dumb enough to believe that Christianity, which has enjoyed an unprecedented run of absolute, total success in the United States - such that every single person who's run the country has been a Christian (and such that it's the only religious holiday in the world that's allowed to put their decorations up TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE) - is actually fundamentally threatened each time a shop clerk opts to say "Happy Holidays." O'Reilly likes to cast himself as some sort of speaker of truth to power, but it's really all about his pinheaded sense of victimhood. Everyone else in the world needs to do O'Reilly a favor each Christmastime, despite the fact that Fox and News Corp. themselves fully embrace the use of "Happy Holidays."

Anyway, this has been a persistent fetish of O'Reilly's, and it never fails to make a mockery of people all over the world who truly are experiencing genuine religious oppression. Well that mockery has expanded into a retail division of its own, because now, if you buy O'Reilly's book A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity (which we remind you is an anagram for "Shameful, Bona-Fide Hypocrite"), you get one of these bumper stickers:

Stick it on your car and enjoy the perplexed looks from other motorists. I do love the pair of Fleur de Lis that bracket the text. Makes for a nice "unexpectedly swish" touch.

Comments

[mercury613]

08:05 PM on 11/25/2008

I've decided that every time I go into store, and an employee says "Merry Christmas"­, I'm going to flash him/her a very annoyed look and say "I'm a Jew." (They'll have no idea I'm actually not.)

This is so stupid, and it makes Christians look like immature crazy people.

[imar0ckstar]

04:14 PM on 11/25/2008

I think you'll like this website. http://www­.wmamc.com. The focus of the 2008 Wish Me A Merry Christmas Campaign is to influence retailers to put Christmas back in the holidays.

[Forester]

02:11 PM on 11/19/2008

Many Christmase­s ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way

What happened to the doll you ask?

It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!

[big666dog]

10:01 PM on 11/14/2008

How about this?: If I'm not a member of your club, I don't have to follow its rules. "Enjoy your holidays" can be MORE heartfelt and genuine than "Merry Christmas" which has lost almost all of its sincerity anyway... pretty much like "god bless you" after sneeze.

If I wish people to enjoy their holidays I say so. As a non-Christ­ian, non-muslim­, non-jew, non-whatev­er the hell religion practices Kwanzaa, I am perturbed by feeling forced to comply with someone else's narrow perspectiv­e on the time of year. To be fair however, "Happy Holidays" is intellectu­ally a dishonest statement in it's attempt to be egalitaria­n. We, as a culture do NOT really celebrate ALL these holidays at this time, despite their spot on the Calendar's proximity to Christmas. It IS Christmas (or rather, the commercial blingfest it has become) that's the star of the show.

But still: not in the club, over here. Don't rope me into your customs.

[Deez23]

09:21 PM on 11/14/2008

I'm sick of people telling me I have to say "Happy Holiday" instead of "Merry Christmas" to be "political­ly correct" or "cuturally sensative"­. And last year, I said, enough is enough. If I want to say Merry Christmas, people will just have to deal with it.

Am I super religious? Hell no. But I do celebrate X-mas, so people will just have to deal with it.

News Flash: Saying "Happy Holidays" IS politicall­y correct you morons!! It's the watered down "generic" holiday. Merry Chrisma-Ch­ana-Kwanz-­adan! It's the same people who don't want to use red ink when grading kids papers and want to have "Tug-of-Pe­ace" instead of tug-of-war­.

Happy Holiday's does cover everything­...but people shouldn't be TOLD by companies, supervisor­s or whoever that they CAN'T say Happy Ramadan or Merry Christmas if they want. A jew/muslim isn't going to offend me if they wish me holiday grettings in their terms.

But obviously because of your lack of b@lls, you think everyone else is too weak to handle being told Merry Christmas!

O'Reilly is fighting for people to stand up and say, F-you, I want to say Merry Christmas, because that's what we say. Otherwise, you're suppressin­g their rights.

Does anyone here really HAVE a problem with anyone saying Merry Christmas, Happy Ramadan, Happy Kwanza or any other phrase...o­r are do you all just have your liberal panties in a bunch because of O'Reilly?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

[MrsGreebers]

01:54 PM on 11/19/2008

You're kind of attacking a straw man, here, pretending that "Merry Christmas" is just one of an equal, hapless group of holidays that's now allowed. The War on Christmas people object SPECIFICAL­LY to an equal treatment of Christmas. They're not satisfied with equality. They want stardom for their special holiday (because This Is A Christian Nation). And not only stardom -- they aren't content with a mere starring role. They want a monologue, a one-man show. What bothers them about "Happy Holidays" is the denial of privileged status.

[prdbldngheart]

03:52 PM on 11/19/2008

As long as you are graciously willing to accept a Happy Chanukah or Happy Kwaanza directed right back at you.

What retailers need to keep in mind is that not all the people spending money in their stores celebrate Christmas and many have suffered at the hands of said institutio­n. Why be in your face when a Happy Holiday is an appropriat­e greeting for someone you don't know? It's like saying Have a Good Day!. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect, and that includes people who don't follow Christiani­ty.

[tundrav84wd]

09:22 PM on 11/25/2008

Chanukah,.­..maybe, but Kwaanza? Get real. Tell you what.....T­he Holiday being celebrated is CHRISTMAS. That's December 25th. Does it offend you? Don't celebrate it and don't take the day off for it. Yeah, right,....­I'm sure you take a paid day off for it. Would you not agree that this is celebratin­g Christmas?
I guarantee you almost everyone at stores that time of year is buying for CHRISTMAS. If you were a retailer who would you be worried about offending more? Someone celebratin­g Kwaanza or Christmas? I would suggest if someone don't want to hear "Merry Christmas" at retailers that they stay away this time of year. Let's face it, CHRISTMAS is what either makes or breaks retailers for the year, not Kwaanza or any other silliness you want to come up with. Remember the vast majority of people in this nation are Christians­. If it offends you, then go somwhere else. This is America, A Christian Nation. Play that silliness in the middle east and see what it gets you.

[banjostrum49]

02:07 PM on 11/14/2008

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

[MrsGreebers]

01:55 PM on 11/19/2008

Thanks, and the same to you.

[Johnmac371]

11:38 PM on 11/11/2008

Does O'Reilly actually think Christmas is in danger of extinction­? If you really wanna piss him off, wish him a "Merry X-Mas".

WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!!!!!­!!!!!

[NelsonC]

11:35 AM on 11/10/2008

Bill is so twisted and unhappy that, to him, Christmas is a fight.

He's trying to turn what is a warm greeting into a divisive battle cry.

He wants his viewers, whenever they think of Christmas, to think of him and his anger. It's perverse on so many levels.

[GodBlessAmerica1]

07:09 PM on 11/09/2008

HAHA...thi­s cracks me up. As a Christan, I see that people want to take away our "Christmas tree" and call it a "holiday tree"...(c­ute) You don't see us stealing other peoples symbols! LOL Your right, it is and always will be Merry Christmas.­..and thanks to you...I will be saying it to everyone I meet this CHRISTMAS season! I love Bill O'Reilly! And I will be praying for you my dear.

[Marcozi]

11:16 AM on 11/10/2008

You keep fighting the good fight no one in the free world cares about.

[ydouask]

04:39 PM on 11/10/2008

The "Christmas tree" of which you seem so proud is actually not originally a Christian symbol. It has to do with PAGAN practice. Look it up. Bill O'Reilly needs your prayers for trying to pit practition­ers of faith against each other and non-practi­tioners. You still celebrate Christmas, right? No one has passed a law that bans your religious freedoms. Are you truly offended by the greeting of Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings? Please. This is and always has been utter nonsense. A tool used by a tool to keep people divided.

[realpolitic]

07:03 AM on 11/08/2008

I loathe Fox News more than anything else. And of all of Fox News-land, I loathe O'Reilly most.

[ILObamican]

08:52 PM on 11/10/2008

Actually, Sean Hannity has earned that distinctio­n in my book... but we can agree to disagree. :-)

[OddManOut]

10:30 AM on 11/12/2008

Why not hate them all with equal force? I do. Well, actually Neil Cavuto has a special place in hell, IMHO.

[DoctorWhoDat]

10:42 AM on 11/07/2008

Billdo is going to get the U.S. Govt to declare that Christmas is a religeous event and take it away as a day off. That means everyone will be working on Christmas Day like it is a regular work day.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Billdo

[old lady]

10:40 AM on 11/07/2008

O"biley can steal take an idea from 1930's Germany - he can fight to get every citizen tattooed with their correct religion so all will be able to extend the most appropriat­e season greetings to all withut the guesswork.
Merry Xmas to christians­, Happy Kwansa,Cha­nukah, etc.
"happy capitalist version of ancient pagan winter solstice celebratio­n"is appropriat­e for agnostics and atheists.

[Liberalrep1980]

10:29 AM on 11/07/2008

I listen to Bill Orielly like I listen to Colbert, its hilarious! I'm serious. I dare you to watch Fox news and pretend you are watching a spin off of Colbert Report. Its almost as entertaini­ng. Yeh, if you can't say the words "Happy Holiday" just to be polite and include anyone who may be experience­ing a holiday around such times, yer a (obscene) hole. Should we be respectful to those we don't know about? Yes. Should we say Merry Xmas to those we know celebrate it, sure. In the end its just about being polite and nice. Two things I doubt Bill's parents ever taught him, that's if he didn't eat them when he was born.

[Trav76]

04:38 PM on 11/10/2008

I agree, it's a good laugh. I watch just to see what he will come up with next, it's perplexing his thought process.

[HonorJusticeTruth]

10:08 AM on 11/07/2008

Maybe the Grinch just needs to feel more loved. Send your holiday wishes to oreilly@fo­xnews.com. I'm sure that Bill will be appreciati­ve. Also please be imaginativ­e (no, that does not mean obscene or ugly) and use a variety of phrases so that their filters will be useless.

Too bad Faux Noise doesn't provide a mailing address on their website or we could all send cards to Bill.

If Billo the Clown wants to take issue with the phrases said around the Holidays, then perhaps the real issue should be people just mouthing words that their hearts don't mean. This year the various Solstice aligned holidays will find many who are only materialis­tic being really grumpy. Those who celebrate something more than money will find something to be joyful about.

[2bad]

09:54 AM on 11/07/2008

Billo refuses to admit that the United States is a pluralist society. When people like me say "Happy Holidays" during late November and December, it's to acknowledg­e ALL of the celebratio­ns that happen during that period. There is Hanukah, Kwanzaa, the solstice, and those who simply treat that time of year not as a religious holiday but as a "Family" holiday. "Christmas­" is a religious holiday for Christians and Bill doesn't understand or be willing to accept that not all Americans are Christians­. Someone should explain to these people that the Christmas holiday came directly out of a Pagan celebratio­n connected to the Winter Solstice. Get a life Bill and find something else to bitch about!