O'Reilly's War On Christmas Goes Retail

You know, as I walked up into the CVS across the street from my apartment a few days ago and saw the store festooned with Christmas decorations, I had two thoughts. First, I thought, "November 3rd! That's not so bad, actually!" And indeed, it wasn't: in previous years, area stores had their Christmas decor up before Halloween. But then I had another realization: namely, that the coming of the Christmas decorations brought an ill Yuletide wind along with it - the annual mindfrack that is Bill O'Reilly's War On Christmas.

It basically works like this. We live in a capitalist society, and consumer spending tends to increase during the Christmas season. To avoid alienating any customers during that peak period, many retailers have their cashiers say "Happy Holidays," because why not be nice? For centuries and centuries, this was totally fine with everybody because it made a lick of good sense. Then, one year, a bunch of feckless dimwits came to an extraordinary conclusion - saying "Happy Holidays" was "politically correct," and everyone who practices Christianity had the right to expect a complete stranger to recognize them as a Christmas practitioner by sight and specifically wish them "Merry Christmas," or else IT WAS WAR. Obviously, this latter position is the one you want to build an entire society around.

Bill O'Reilly has been, on a yearly basis, one of the most fervent and shrill public figures, wailing about the supposed War On Christmas, because he is precisely dumb enough to believe that Christianity, which has enjoyed an unprecedented run of absolute, total success in the United States - such that every single person who's run the country has been a Christian (and such that it's the only religious holiday in the world that's allowed to put their decorations up TWO MONTHS IN ADVANCE) - is actually fundamentally threatened each time a shop clerk opts to say "Happy Holidays." O'Reilly likes to cast himself as some sort of speaker of truth to power, but it's really all about his pinheaded sense of victimhood. Everyone else in the world needs to do O'Reilly a favor each Christmastime, despite the fact that Fox and News Corp. themselves fully embrace the use of "Happy Holidays."

Anyway, this has been a persistent fetish of O'Reilly's, and it never fails to make a mockery of people all over the world who truly are experiencing genuine religious oppression. Well that mockery has expanded into a retail division of its own, because now, if you buy O'Reilly's book A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity (which we remind you is an anagram for "Shameful, Bona-Fide Hypocrite"), you get one of these bumper stickers:

Stick it on your car and enjoy the perplexed looks from other motorists. I do love the pair of Fleur de Lis that bracket the text. Makes for a nice "unexpectedly swish" touch.

Comments

[causticgit]

Fleur de lis? Well then, Joyeux Noel!! Or are Frenchies less threatening than Commies now?

[karinova]

Tres bizarre!
I'm like, "why not crosses? or snowflakes? or... ANY OTHER DINGBAT?"

I can't understand that man.

[johnnynyc]

Is this straw man still around this year?

You'd have thought John Gibson, who wrote The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought , losing his audience and his job at Fox News earlier this year would give these people a clue.

[shubes61]

the idea behind holiday greetings like "merry christmas" and "happy holidays" is that you're wishing SOMEONE ELSE happiness on whatever holiday they celebrate... it's not supposed to be a selfish thing, all about YOUR holiday... if it's done with true goodwill, you wish someone a happy "whatever holiday YOU celebrate."

so if you're not sure what holiday someone honors, "happy holidays" is a perfectly reasonable solution.

it would be like going up to someone else on their birthday and refusing to wish them a happy birthday because it's not YOUR birthday... "happy november 6th, since MY birthday is in june."

stupid and selfish... at least billo doesn't dissapoint.

[ConcernedAmerican]

Bill who?

[Pupadup4oBama]

you are SO right - he is so irrelevant now...:) ha ha

[Powderfinger]

Happy Holidays, Bill!

[Lorifromky]

I say Merry Christmas to people I know that are Christians, and Happy Holidays to people I do not know. It seems only fair - believe it or not Billo, there are people in this country who are not Christians and there are a bunch of people who say they are Christian, yet are scared to death that they are going to have to pay more in taxes because they are blessed enough to be well-off.

I found this post at rushlimbaugh.com: Story #6: Unmarried Women Put Obama Over the Top

RUSH: Snerdley, do you remember we had a survey not long ago about unmarried women, women that are not in a relationship are stupider than women who are in a relationship? Remember that? It was not the word, but what was the word? I use the word stupid because it worked. Less informed, ignorant, whatever. Get this. "Unmarried Women Put Obama Over the Top." Seventy percent of support for Obama came from unmarried women.

Count me as a stupid, unmarried woman who voted Obama! Rush Limbaugh: another Christian idiot.

[whiteboyblues]

Funny, I hear Bill O'Reilly is going to do Christmas "LIVE" this year

[iRob08]

LOL, "this f*n thing SUCKS!!!!"

[iRob08]

Hey, Neiman Marcus ads are showing up on Huffpost. Who do you think we are, Palin elitists? :)

[Smirk]

Love that anagram, BTW.

[ErnestineBass]

I reckon it never dawned on BillO that holidays literally means "holy days"? DOH!

[Smirk]

I've heard people who believe this bunk say "Merry Christmas" with such a hostile and defiant tone that they might as well be saying "F#ck you!" In my opinion, it is much worse to make a religious greeting sound like a curse than to greet someone with "Happy Holidays."

[mscriblerus]

First of all, I had no idea he made an issue of this. But more importantly, who could take a guy who thought this was a serious issue seriously? That's just silly.

[javaz]

Bill O'Reilly was on Letterman recently pushing his book.
The one thing that stood out for me was when O'Reilly said unlike kids today, he grew up in hard times.
His family didn't have air conditioning.
I'm not sure if he was joking or serious.
Letterman even laughed and said during those days no one had air conditioners in their homes and O'Reilly shrugged.
I know people who live by the words of O'Reilly and have accused me of being ignorant for believing everything celebrities say, yet isn't O'Reilly an entertainer?
I really do not understand why anyone believes O'Reilly, Rush, Hannity, Coulter etc tell the truth when they are nothing more than overpaid celebrities.
Maybe I am ignorant.

[PT6]

Happy Holidays O'Really and the "BAND of Rambling Biased Radio Talk Show types" that "FOX 'EM" employs!

May this be a time to Reflect on how fortunate we are that "FOX 'EM" squad could NOT prevent this time to celebrate a NEW BEGINNING!

Lets all light a candle for their future hardship!

[sparkle44]

Bill can kiss my white, 44 yo, female, voted for change behind. I don't have any money to spend on Christmas this year since my utility bills have gone up 14.7%, insurance bills all went up. My grocery bill has pretty much doubled this year. I lost 11% of my retirement. I spent twice as much in gasoline costs over the past year, and I can look forward to an increase in my child's tuition costs next year.

Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas.....don't think I'll be hearing either very much from any retail outlet.