MEDIA
12/15/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Joe The Plumber Launches Website, Will Ruin Websites Forever

No, my friends, it has not escaped my attention that Samuel J. Wurzelbacher - also known by his idio(t)syncratic alias "Joe the Plumber" - has launched himself a website. Who will save the people from Toledo, Ohio from drowning in their own septic backwash if Joe is not there, with the plumbing, because he's blinging out his phat site with animated .GIFs? All Ohio will pray for a New New Deal, to stem the tide of wastewater.

But what's not to like about this website? It's 1996 design aesthetic takes me right back to my days of working at the James Branch Cabell Library at Virginia Commonwealth University, where I spent my days as a reference desk librarian, frantically steering students away from websites because they were, at that time, mostly terrible, and anyway, seriously: READ A BOOK MAYBE TO LEARN ABOUT SEASHELLS. Ahh, the sweet nostalgia of a bygone time when Samuel Wurzelbacher may have actually been doing some plumbing, instead of proferring his always hastily retracted opinions about everything!

We especially love the whole business model, where a "We Are Joe" Membership is free, for the poor people, and a "FREEDOM" Membership costs you $14.95 a year. You know what they say, after all: FREEDOM ISN't FREE. (Actuaries place the cost of freedom at $18.99/year, so this is a relatively good deal.)

And what do you get for your paid membership? Among other things, you get "a monthly subscription to Joe's blog, where he can share the latest on the fight for preserving Americas freedoms." Because that's what everyone does! Charge money to read blogs! Naturally, I'm skeptical that this will work, but if Joe goes out and hires the former staff of Radar Online, I'm totally bookmarking it.

Just as an added tidbit of information, TitotheBuilder.com is, surprisingly, still available. Sheesh, some visionary that guy turned out to be.