Adopted Celebrities Share Their Stories

LOS ANGELES — Jamie Foxx, Faith Hill and Keyshia Cole hope to help children find homes for the holidays.

Speaking backstage last month after filming their appearances for the CBS special "A Home for the Holidays," Foxx, Hill and Cole shared how they coped with being adopted and why they performed for the show, which offers a mix of musical entertainment and information about child adoption.

"I was lucky," said the Oscar-winning Foxx ("Ray"). "I was adopted at 7 months, but the lady who adopted me also adopted my mother, so I had a relationship with my biological parents, also."

Country superstar Hill was also adopted as an infant, but after hitting adolescence had to fight off the adoption stigma. "When kids would call one another names, they'd say, 'You act like you're adopted.' And I'd always get 'em good, because I'd say, 'Well, I am adopted. So what do you think about that?' " she said.

The special, which airs Tuesday, was the brainchild of Dave Thomas, the Wendy's restaurant founder. Thomas, who was adopted, created the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption in 1992.

Soul diva Keyshia Cole said, "My personal story was my mother was on drugs all my life and she didn't get a little bit better until I became 'Keyshia Cole the Celebrity.' Maybe it was a good way for her to see herself _ that your daughter has become so much and she's become so big."

The show will feature musical performances by Hill's husband Tim McGraw, as well as Kristin Chenoweth, Gavin Rossdale and Melissa Etheridge.

Etheridge, a mother of four, adopted two children with former partner, director Julie Cypher. It wasn't lost on Etheridge that her involvement in the special came just days after Arkansas voters approved a law banning gays from adopting children.

"Our homes are good homes," Etheridge said, who also has twins with current partner Tammy Lynn Michaels. "We're hard-working people. We love. We live. We can raise people to be members of society. It is a crime to keep children who could be in a loving home away just because those two parents are of the same sex. It's a crime. It's just a shame."

Hill, who hosts and performs on the special, said "I believe it's over 20,000 children have been adopted because of this show. So when this show was viewed in any state, in any area, it just helps get the word out. It encourages people to really look inside their heart, and pick up the phone and ask, 'Where can I adopt a child?' "

Comments

[MsIrisMG]

There are days when I'd like to entertain the thought of fostering a girl, but I'm afraid of what it might mean to fall in love with someone else's kid only to have them leave. I admire those who are able to do it, to take these young, emotionally scarred people and give them a sense of belonging.

[jeremiahos]

Personally, I don't see how anyone can naturally have kids in today's society.
With all the kids that are left in the system to age out --

It's almost selfish to ignore it.

[AtTheMoon]

evolution made me do it

[sharonb01]

Look: it's a kid - hug it, feed it, say "good job" and "quit it" in a roughly two to one ratio and if you're lucky, it will still snuggle up and watch bad movies with you when it's grown. I don't care if you bio-birth it, borrow it, adopt it or find it on a street corner - don't let those smiles and snuggles go wanting. They are worth all the 'issues' it will claim to have later.

And for goodness sake, make adoption EASY - for everyone. Our adoption laws need a serious going-over in this country.

[ShanniC]

My cousin is adopted, but I look at her as my flesh and blood. Just like my half sister.... I have never viewed her as anything less than my full blooded sister because I love her. Anyway, adoption is a truly beautiful thing because so many children deserve safe, happy homes.

[peachesmahoney]

This is a positive thing, in my opinion. Adoption has long carried this sad stigma that simply isn't true. My best friend grew up in a home filled with adopted children and her life was better for it. I've never been a Faith Hill fan but good for her for giving adoption a positive voice.

[wsblake]

There are always of course exceptions, but I have known several adoptees and some women who gave up chidlren for adoption as unwed teenagers. The mothers all expressed deep regret while adopties all a deep sense of abandonment . I never believed that adoption should be the recommended choice for an unwanted pregnancy. Abortion, painful as it is, is the lesser of two evils in this circumstamance.

[jg82567]

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. If you make the choice to terminate a pregnancy, that's your perogative, but to suggest that it is an easier course than putting the child up for adoption is ourageous.
If you feel a deep sense of regret giving your child to someone who can take care of it, I think you would feel a deeper sense of regret getting rid of it altogether. The idea that if the child doesn't exist at all makes the life/choice of the mother easier to live with makes no sense at all. And as far as the adopted child goes, if they are placed in a loving home, I don't imagine many of them would prefer to have never been born even if they have some abandonment issues. And then, that's only if they know they were adopted.

[wsblake]

tell someone in the situation that they are being "ridiculous" - as I wrote I have spoken to several people in the situation- read and comprehend before you go off with uninformed opinions knucklehead

[cucumber]

I'm pro-adoption, but I think I might kind of agree with you anyway. I know someone who gave her baby up in an open adoption...10 years later she still has periodic visits with the adoptive family. She really hates who the girl is becoming - she'll literally kick the dog and abuse small animals (within legal limits) and be abusive to people - it's the parents' fault for not setting limits, and setting some bad examples themselves (in ways that would not have been obvious upon picking the adoptive family). My friend is honestly sad to have brought someone onto the planet who is on a path of not contributing good things, and is already doing harm to defenseless others.

[springsm]

There may be a problem with this open adoption idea. Kids grow up looking for identity. I think it is too much of a load. Some families make their adopted child so very special by telling that child all the time how special he/shs is. That too, has the kid often looking in from the out rather than out from the in. Adoption is great but generally there are problems with the child's identity somtime in high school. I often wonder if there shouldn't be some serious adoption counseling along the way. From someone other than a social worker. Parents and adopted children need positive reinforcement, not the negative stuff. And all families, bio or adoptive...run into problems along the way.

[greymom]

I was adopted at 3 because my mother died. My adopted family were not perfect, in fact I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. However, my neighbors adopted a little boy, then had 3 bio children. He is the most darling, well adjusted child and a joy to be around. It think he is far better off than if he had stayed with his struggling single mother who already had 3 children she could not adequately care for.

It is always a crapshoot, whether you are born or adopted into the family you have. It is a shame that Caley Anthony was not adopted by a loving couple.

[wsblake]

As i said there are of course exceptions. When parents die , of course adoption, is a generous, kind and loving example of the best that people can be. But when there is a choice, when the biological parents are there, and simply becuase they are unwed, they decide to give the child up, they are looking at the possibility of a lifetime of griefoth themselves and the child. I knew a girl in college who gave up a child for adoption. She has never had a day when she has not regretted that decision.On the other hand I've had several friends who were adopted- all wondered why they were given up and all somehow deep inside blamed themselves.

[EileneLepht]

While I am pro choice, I think your statement about not recommending adoption to a woman with an unwanted pregnancy is an ignorant one. The pro choice movement is about a woman having a CHOICE and being able to make the one that fits her needs. If she chooses adoption that is a noble choice and one the child should and probably will respect when grown.

I am the mother of an adopted child and we have had our share of arguments over the years like any other Mother-Daughter has and she at times has wondered about her birth mother. She has felt some sense of abandonment as well but she is a bright young woman who knows without her birth mother having giving birth to her, she wouldn't have had her pets, her friends, her family, her LIFE. She would never know the love of her own (future) babies.

If you do in fact know any adoptees, my daughter suggests you ask them if this sense of abandonment is so severe that they have no moments of happiness. Do they wish they were never born? I find it hard to believe you an authority on this matter because you have heard a few people speak specifically about regret or abandonment. A person's life should be viewed as a whole, not just creeping or nagging feelings that pop up from time to time.

Another poster said "it's a crap shoot". That is more accurate.

[macohmz]

I like to hear personal stories. Some of the most interesting, tragic lives never made it to the pages of any book.

[jalowe1957]

When I was young, there was a couple who wanted to adopt me, as they sensed my intelligence and deduced that I could possibly become another Einstein, but my mother immediately vetoed their request, stating that I was her flesh and blood.

Needless to say, I was sent to a state mental hospital by juvenile court order as a ward of the state, because my parents were in a tempesteous marriage and constantly in a state of "biological warfare" -- in this case, domestic violence.

There were often times I wondered how my life trajectory would have been had that couple adopted me. As a consequence of having such combative, absentee parents, I had to freely take whatever love and guidance I could get from my "il loco parentis," which is Latin for "substitute parents," as in forster parents.

When you are faced with circumstances like mine, you have no choice but to be a survivor. You have to be, given there was no alternative once you've pondered all the possible alternatives.

[lizziekw]

You're over-sharing, dear.

[justjojo]

Wow, that's the spirit of the season, lizzie...

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

That heartectomy workin for ya?

[cucumber]

Maybe for you, but I'm very interested in people's personal stories. Too bad for you if you're not interested in other people who have something to offer - even strangers on the net. It's surprising you'd be so mean about it.

[janinei]

last name Borden?

[txgal44]

Lizzie you really must be quiet. Really.

[lynnn]

Wow I really feel for you.

[PJBroughton]

I was lucky to have been adopted into a loving family as an infant. My birth mother was 18 when she gave birth to me and died of cancer 8 months later. I know nothing of my birth father save that he was 10 years her senior and absented himself immediately...

Life is a series of crossroads. Sometimes we get to choose which to take, sometimes a road is chosen for us. You're doing fine dear...your strengths and intellect are apparent. I hope your heart is intact as well.

I wish the best for you.

[freakydeak]

wow PJ, your comment caught my eye. I am a PJ as well, and also an adoptee. My birthmom was 18 when she gave birth to me as well. She was 1 of 7 kids, and her mom still had 3 younger sibs at home that she was raising, so going home for her was not an option. She died 7 years later of breast cancer. I had to hire a searcher to be able to find out that information. I also found a bio 1/2 sib. My bio sis, was raised in a totally different situation than I was raised in, but once we met, there are so many similarities, it was kind of freaky. Gives a strong argument for the "nature vs nurture".
Anyway, just wanted to give a shout out to a fellow PJ adoptee :)

[lizziekw]

I don't mind if they promote adoption as long as they don't mess with reproductive rights for women.

[PJBroughton]

Too much Eggnog tonight?

[ZimboChick]

tr cheaper homebrew

[KarateKid]

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw sure have their stories, but look how they turned out. Hope springs eternal.

[tkondaks]

"...how they coped with being adopted..."
"Cope" is a poor word choice because it suggests that adoption is something negative that must be overcome. I cannot imagine that "coping" was how any of these individuals would describe their personal history.

[lizziekw]

Adoption carries issues with it for every part of the triad, that's just reality. It's not all unicorns and butterflies.

[peskime]

Wow, Lizzie sounds like you have a story to tell since you're kind of cynical and bitter.
Guess, you've never heard the adage, "biology, does not a parent make."

[EileneLepht]

LIFE in general carries issues with it.

The woman who aborts can feel the same regret and guilt as the woman who gives her baby up. Hell, she can raise the baby herself and perhaps regret that decision.

An unwanted pregnancy isn't unicorns and butterflies either. It is a difficult choice.

[ZimboChick]

lizzie seems like YOUR adoption did not go too well. You are so bitter and scared. Look for answers or let it go. Time to heal

[strangerinthenight]

I have no problem with the word. You spun it as "negative".

[springsm]

I do have a problem with that word.l It signifies problems one is having and in this case it would be "getting along until the child grows up and leaves and causes a great relief"...so you cope until that happens. It also seems like it means "regret". Adoption can be hard for the adoptive parents too and for the adoptee. Life is hard for parents of teenagers and the teenagers, too. Quite often the adopted teen starts having idenity questions...and that can lead to problems. Then the one has to cope until he/she can come to grips with the situation.