Ted Haggard's Wife, Gayle, Discusses Husband's Same-Sex Attraction

CHICAGO — Former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard's wife says she knew about his struggles with same-sex attraction for years and felt he was "winning the battle" before a scandal involving a male prostitute triggered his downfall in late 2006.

Gayle Haggard makes the remarks in an appearance with her husband on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" to air Wednesday. She said she was shocked when Haggard first told her the truth about the allegations against him.

"The first words out of my mouth were, 'Who are you?'" she said, according to a publicity release issued Tuesday by Harpo Productions.

However, Gayle Haggard also said her husband told her early in their 30-year marriage that he "struggled with some thoughts."

"I felt it was the thing that could destroy Ted if he gave in to it," she said. "So I prayed for him and I felt as though he was winning the battle."

Haggard, 52, resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colo., after the male prostitute went public. Haggard confessed to "sexual immorality."

The scandal widened in recent days with disclosures that Haggard also admitted to an "inappropriate" relationship with a church volunteer, Grant Haas, who was 22 at the time.

Haas told KRDO in Colorado Springs that Haggard performed a sex act in front of him and sent him illicit text messages. He informed New Life Church shortly after the scandal broke, and the two parties reached a settlement in 2007 that included a confidentiality agreement. Haas went public as Haggard is heavily promoting an HBO documentary about his time in exile.

Comments

[gifu]

Maybe Mr. Hand could start giving interviews, instead of Ted. Can someone give him Mr. Garrisons's phone number? I don't have my South Park, CO phone book handy, at present.

[Clavis]

Just think how much more awesome the world would be if gay men and gay women could fully come out and develop their own public personae, including fashion, music, etc. I mean, I know these subcultures exist already of course... but think about what it would be like if women had to pretend to be men in public? Because women can explore their woman-ness in a public way, we have much more diversity and perspective in our culture. The same would be true if people accepted homosexuality as another way that people are, instead of some disease or affliction. There could be Gay Men and Gay Women sections of clothing stores! Four bathrooms per bar! It'd be so cool!

[Motorinstructor]

Christ says we must pick up our cross daily if we are to follow him. Being gay is a cross that some people are born with. We all have our crosses and they are all difficult to overcome. God loves the homosexual and will give them special grace to overcome if they look to Him daily. It is a struggle but the rewards for the overcomer will be great. Giving into the temptations or saying that sin is ok is not the answer.

[HWBII]

And should people with blue eyes ask God to turn them brown?

[Unhinged101]

You are ignorant..­.

The rewards being? What? A long life of denying who you really are.

[markinaz]

Really. What rewards? Societal or religious approval? No thanks. My partner and I have been perfectly happy these 18 years (as of tomorrow). I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[shrimpdip]

I am loathe to getting into a theological discussion with you, but I do have to chime in to say that your post clearly reflects an inner conflict and struggles within you about how you view gay people.

"Being gay is a cross that some people are born with." Do you honestly believe that people are born gay? If so, then why characterize being gay as "a cross" to pick up and "overcome" and a sinful temptation? How is it different than the "sinister" birth trait of left-handedness? or the gifts of creativity or mathematical ability? These are all inborn individual traits given to us by God; none make us all of what we are, but they are integral parts of who we are. Should we then not also "give in to the temptations" of writing with one's left hand instead of one's right hand, creating art or buildings or technology, or becoming an accountant?

And should those of us with these gifts from God "overcome" them and refrain from accepting and embracing these gifts from God simply because YOUR personal religious beliefs declare that we should?

[HaloGuy]

HuffPost's Pick

I was born gay, and I'll be damned - no damn pun intended - if I'm going to allow you to claim that the sex and love that I engage in with a member of the same sex is a "cross" I must bear.

Its not a temptation or a sin - its among the strongest emotions I feel, the deepest pleasure I can feel. To tell me that I have to deny myself the pleasure of embracing my emotions every day is like me telling you that you have to fight being a Christian every day in order to be a better person.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Stop telling people what to do in the bedroom.

[TheBlackCat]

I knew a gay Christian kid in college whose parents and friends gave him the same advice. You can just PRAY the gay away. It's not just who you are and there's nothing wrong about it- it's WRONG, the Bible says so, and if you can't overcome your feelings, its because you're not praying hard enough!

He ultimately committed suicide. As far as I'm concerned, anyone with your mentality is complicit in his death.

[ilovevegas]

Hes gay for heavens sake! He does not have a disease! Come out of the closet and stop believing your fooling anyone. Haggard should be honest and stop hiding behind a religion that condems homosexuality. Your gay Mr. Haggard you know it and so do we now deal with it!

[dezzertguy]

It is sad that he has damaged his life and the lifes of others to deny who he is. The church is not important but an honest relationship with God is. He followed man's rules instead of God's. I hope he can find some peace.

[TheBlackCat]

great post

[MelKnee]

Wouldn't it be lovely if Rev. Ted could accept himself and usher in a new era of tolerance in the Christian Right? I can only dream.

[DrJimmy]

No money in that..

[pigsatthetrough]

Poor Ted. His problem is that he can handle being gay, along with his continuing disingenuousness, but he just can't get over that he thinks he is certainly going to Hell. I wonder which he will give up.

[marginallysane]

As someone who grew up in a repressed christian home, I know how denial works .
But the first time I kissed my date on a lovely spring day on campus, I knew.
If this is 'wrong', so be it!

[TheBlackCat]

If MOST the things Christians tell us are wrong actually ARE wrong, then I sure as hell don't want to be right!

[TotoToo]

Haggard needs to embrace being Gay. He is not sick. He does not need to be cured.

He needs to be a part of bringing progressive elements within the Church to an understanding that being Gay is not a disease and that it is not Christian to be intolerant of one's fellow man.

Where intolerance exists and Gays are not free to worship, form new churches.

[Motorinstructor]

As a Christian, I am compelled to take issue with your statement. You said that Haggard is not sick but the truth from scripture is that we are all sick. Everyone of us is born in sin and in need of God's grace and forgiveness. Accepting the sin as normative is a cop out and cheapens God's message. God loves the sinner but is not going to keep him wallowing in it. That is why Christ said that if you wish to follow me you must pick up your cross daily. It is not easy to pick up our cross everyday and deny ourselves, but great reward comes with the action.
My cross was drug addiction. It was not easy to give up because my body was screaming for chemicals everyday, but with God's help I was able to overcome it one day at a time. Of course it is not easy for a homosexual to give up the practice, but did God mean for it to be easy? One thing is for sure and that is that He is with us in our struggle to overcome any temptation and will not give us more than we can bear.

[trappedinaredstate]

And yet as a recovering addict you cannot see that you have simply traded one addiction for another. Your Christianity is a crutch that you depend on to get you through yet another day while not going back to the habits that you found so destructive to your life.

I applaud you for your being able to give up your drug habit but like a smoker who relies on nicotine patches to wean themselves off of cigarettes you have simply traded one type of drug for another.

I take no issue with this choice - we all have choices to make in life and religion is far less destructive to the body than drugs. For the psyche it is a different story however and what I do take issue with is you trying to force your particular flavor of religious beliefs onto the lives of others.

For me God is Santa Claus for adults. Stop for a moment and think about that statement - really think about it. I do not have the addictive or co-dependent personality of those who must rely on their beliefs to justify their existance, nor do the demons in my closet force me to make myself feel better at the expense of condemming others for the lives they lead.

I wish you luck in all that you do but you are wrong to try and force your perspective of the way the world is onto other people's lives.

[PegeOne]

What a tolerant group you HP's are! Anytime an artical comes out about Christians, an avalance of Christian/­evangelica­l/catholic haters and bigots parade their ignorance. Instead of spouting off your anti-religious prejudice, try talking to one of us and not and see the good that we do in the name of Christ. Of course to do this, you must drop some of your preconcived notions about who we are. NO hate or anger directed at any of you, but I honestly do not expect the same courtesy in return.

[markinaz]

Stop discriminating us in the name of your God and then you can sit at the table with us.

[HaloGuy]

Your religious beliefs state that what we do with our lives is wrong and should be corrected.

You are telling us that how we feel about ourselves - that what we feel is right - is wrong.

That is called hate hidden under the guise of compassion. You'll never get a polite response from us because we can see your motives.

[Merckx]

Having been a Christian for 38 years, I feel I can talk with PegeOne. As I get older I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find the good "Christians" do.

[TheBlackCat]

I agree that on HuffPo, anytime religion comes up, even in a positive story, many people need to bash on them, claim that there are no positive aspects of religion, and that anyone who has any religious beliefs is either stupid or brainwashed. That to me is absolutely intolerance, and it really bothers me when I see it.

However, it is NOT hateful to call our Churches like Mr Haggard's for being intolerant of gays. Religions tend to think they get a free pass- they can be as hateful and as bigoted as they want and they get to get away with it JUST because it is a religious belief. Nope. Just because a religion backs it up doesn't make it right. Just because a religion believes something, doesn't mean that belief deserves respect. I respect the right of Islam to exist. I do not respect its right to perform female genital mutilation. I respect the right of Hinduism to exist. I do not respect its right to marginalize "untouchables" from mainstream society because they believe they deserve their caste due to karmic debt. I respect Christianity's right to exist. I do not respect its practice of trying to impose religious law in a non theocratic nation like America.

I am not so tolerant that I will tolerate intolerance.

[thegeniesez]

You defy logic. Now, here's some home work for you, why don't you go and read your "holy books" very carefully and then come back tomorrow and talk to me about bigotry and ignorance.

[Hehlol]

I don't understand you people - you are angry at the Huffington Post for printing what his wife said? You're angry that the website ran a quote? Jesus christ, it isn't the HuffPo's opinion about homosexuality, it is this woman's based on her beliefs and her experiences.

I feel so bad for some of you, going though life being so stupid, but I guess you don't know any better.

[Amennyc]

"Same sex attraction" is that all it is??? i thought it was being gay. if its just an attraction, then it's just puppy love.

[LivNPees]

It would be great if, at some point, Haggard could say, "I was born homosexual and I am now homosexual and no amount of prayer or wishing will change that I will always be homosexual­." It could go a long way in helping literal Christians understand that what they continually call a "lifestyle choice" is not. Mel White was not as high profile as Haggard, but once he understood that it is who he is and he changed his expectations for himself and understood God's expectations for him, he has been a wonderful bridge as he speaks about homosexuality as well as theology.

[Abraham Schenck]

I can relate to to the Haggard's. Though I am not gay, I am a survivor of Evangelicalism. I wish Mr. and Mrs. Haggard would reach out to accepting, loving folks who wouldn't beat them into a pulp of something that us out of their control.

[ceeenbee2]

I,m sure that Ted, along with the other fundamentalists, fought against gay rights and marriage with the argument that homosexuality is a "choice". If that is so, why is he now "struggling? Why does he not just "choose" to be straight? Wouldn't that be easier?