'I Bet Michele Bachmann Would Believe This If We Put It On The Internet'
Michele Bachmann. Is she a heroic, witch-hunting American, or a glassy-eyed pod person from an especially nimrod planet, sent to destroy us all, with bemusement? Obviously, her constituents have come to believe the former. I sort of believe the latter. Keith Olbermann and some dude from The Nation think she might have delivered the craziest interview in politics. But if there's anything that you, the HuffPost readership can agree on, it's that you'd bet Michele Bachmann would believe anything if we put it on the internet.
And, so, you all sent emails and left comments. First things first, there are few pleasures in life as sweet as watching your inbox fill up with messages titled "I Bet Michele Bachmann Would Believe This If We Put It On The Internet." That was the best. Second, it's very clear that you all believe that Bachmann would, indeed, believe an amazingly wide range of things, if they were only on the internet. So, let's put some rumors on the internet, shall we?
Things that the Huffington Post readership bets Michele Bachmann will believe, if they are put on the internet.
In the impoverished counties of the deep South, blacks, emboldened by the election of President Obama, are kidnapping whites and forcibly converting them to "black". The terrible logic behind this is to make large swaths of the deep South majority "African American" areas. This will then break the Republican hold on these areas since African Americans normally do not vote for the GOP. Devilishly clever scheme to make America a one-party state.
From Reginald H.:
Nadya Suleman's birthing of octuplets is an Obama Administration plot to reinstitute Planned Parenthood legislation and teach sex education to elementary school kids.
From Karl P.:
It was recently disclosed that during the presidential campaign, Obama's people sent to ACORN microfiche including information guiding ACORN to key voter precincts around the country which the Obama campaign wanted targeted for registration. The microfiche was sent from Illinois campaign headquarters inside acorns which were then stuffed into the cheeks of Illinois squirrels for delivery to ACORN. Obama also enclosed a crinkled up 100-dollar bill in each acorn.
Dems vote to impeach all Congressional Repubs and send them to Gitmo to learn astronomy and cross-stitching.
From Dean S.:
That Obama said he doesn't support The Fairness Doctrine because it doesn't go far enough. He will propose a new Truth Doctrine where every statement made over public airwaves has to be pre-approved by the Department of Truth.
Also, That the new census will count unborn children (fetuses) as 3/5 of a person, just like slaves under the 3/5ths Compromise enshrined in the Constitution.
From Deb Q.:
Obama crafted the stimulus to benefit blacks in all areas: preferred schooling, housing, employment, healthcare etc. It will not be long before we will have to have Affirmitive Action for WHITES!!! YIKES!!
From Jeff B.:
President Obama hired the psychotic chimp as well as the cartoonist so that crying liberals could distract us all with racial outrage while he secretly socialized every industry, stole from the rich to create a class war, and traveled back in time to change the true historical fact that FDR caused the Great Depression. He also punched an old woman, made a girl scout cry, and lit the Declaration of Independence on fire in the Oval Office.
Arctic ice not disappearing, Russians are stealing it for cooling their nukes. Spy photo shows ice floe lassoing party latest excuse for Putin to take his shirt off.
The stimulus bill includes language that classifies pot smokers as disabled so they can collect social security. The stimulus bill also makes it mandatory that at least 30% of all federal government jobs be held by illegal aliens. oh oh wait...the stimulus bill also sets aside $42 million to study the nocturnal habits of Canadian Lynx!
And finally, from "HonorJusticeTruth":
Michele Bachmann is a Democratic mole. She is there to make all Republicans look foolish.
Actually, now that I see that last one on the internet, I'm sort of inclined to believe it!