San Francisco Man In Massive "Wife Swap" Fallout (VIDEO)

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AP/YouTube   |   February 21, 2009 09:58 AM

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Stephen Fowler

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SAN FRANCISCO - It's safe to say Stephen Fowler probably wishes he never appeared on "Wife Swap."

Fowler's stint on the ABC reality show last month, in which he called a rural Missouri woman spending two weeks in his San Francisco home stupid and simple, has made him famous in the worst way.

His performance has inspired a Web site, StephenFowlerSucks.com, a Facebook group, "I Can not Stand Stephen Fowler from `Wife Swap,'" and public condemnation by his own wife, who on her blog urged him to get professional help.

What has generated such wrath is Fowler's condescending treatment of Gayla Long, a mother of four from rural Missouri whose family likes fast food and paintball. In wince-producing remarks, Fowler, who is British, wrote off middle America with such pronouncements as "Your two languages seem to be bad English and redneck."

Three weeks later, Fowler's "Wife Swap" antics are still a YouTube sensation, with at least 10 postings from the show's Jan. 30 episode displayed on the Web site, most with headings such as "ridiculous elitist" and "elitists gone wild."

Last week, Yahoo posted a clip of the show on its site under the heading "Husbands Behaving Badly." Each new posting or story generates thousands of views and hundreds of galled comments.

Fowler, an environmental entrepreneur who develops biofuels, apologized in a statement posted on his wife's blog for behaving "like a complete jerk" and said he has resigned from the boards of two nonprofit corporations for reflecting badly on the organizations.

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Some news outlets have reported that Fowler says he has received death threats. Neither Fowler nor his wife, Renee Stephens, could be reached to confirm the reports.

"Wife Swap" is a social experiment of sorts in which wives from two very different families exchange lives for two weeks.

Stephens, a self-described life coach and "destination coach" (who says her goal is "to eradicate weight struggles from the planet") joined Long's husband, Alan, the mayor of a town of 55 residents in Missouri.

Fowler, wearing T-shirts that say "Go Solar," "Tree Hugger" and "Sustainability," hosted Gayla Long with his young son and daughter. At one point, as Long read a list of rules for the Fowler family, Fowler told her, "I didn't know you could read." When Long challenged Fowler for acting like he was better than her, he responded: "I probably make more in a week than you make in a year."

At the end of the visit, he said, "God, that woman is the most stupid woman I've ever met in my life."

Friends quoted anonymously in the San Francisco Chronicle said Fowler told them he was instructed to ham it up by "Wife Swap's" producers. His performance evoked a stereotype of the San Francisco elitist liberal -- the tree-hugging do-gooder who acts morally superior while putting down others.

The Fowlers, who live in a large Victorian house in the affluent enclave of Noe Valley, work from home, but a neighbor said he had not seen them in a few days.

The backlash against Fowler appears to have hit his wife as well. On Friday, her blog, on personallifemedia.com, was defaced by a strip of bacon -- an apparent reference to her boast on "Wife Swap" that her family only eats the finest organic, healthy food money can buy.

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HIGHLIGHTS:

HIGHLIGHTS PART 2

(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEOS) SAN FRANCISCO - It's safe to say Stephen Fowler probably wishes he never appeared on "Wife Swap." Fowler's stint on the ABC reality show last month, in which he called a rur...
(SCROLL DOWN FOR VIDEOS) SAN FRANCISCO - It's safe to say Stephen Fowler probably wishes he never appeared on "Wife Swap." Fowler's stint on the ABC reality show last month, in which he called a rur...
 
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Regardless of how authentic this show is, the character of "the elitist liberal -- the tree-hugging do-gooder who acts morally superior while putting down others" is a common one and deserves much more attention and criticism. Smart is not equal to snob.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:38 PM on 02/22/2009

I saw that show and the Wife was a perfectly nice California girl. She didn't put people down. She just tried to inspire. The husband -- not California but Brit -- was snobbish, rude and mean. A total @ss.

She was probably attracted to his look and his intellect and they probably have a small circle of educated, successful friends; so she wasn't aware that he would be such an openly arrogant snob when dealing with those of a different background.

She was openly embarrassed when the Missouri wife let her know how rudely she had been treated.

That guy does owe both wives and apology -- and his children as well -- intellect without grace and class is just plain ... deficient. His children need to know that... Very bad form...

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:18 PM on 02/22/2009
- one4obama I'm a Fan of one4obama 11 fans permalink

"I saw that show and the Wife was a perfectly nice California girl."

Perhaps - but something she said disturbed me and made me question why these two chose to have children.

"If I'm too much with the kids it does not suit my personality . . ."

WTF?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:53 PM on 02/22/2009
- Fudgefase I'm a Fan of Fudgefase 16 fans permalink
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Yes, I picked that up too. Classic me,me,me. Children are expected and it would be nice to have them around but don't expect me to actually bring them up. I really felt sorry for these kids. There was an air of sadness about them that was so obvious that I just wanted to hug them and let them know that some day they'd be able to have a life. Of course, by then, who knows what state they'll be in.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:41 AM on 02/23/2009

Oh I wish I could have been on the show. Steven and his wife are a couple of charlatans. She has a master's in NLP, that is nothing but chicanery, psuedo-science. They both are a couple of liars and cheats with major attitudes.

I would have called Steven out on being a fraud.

Then I would have decked him.

Next time ABC call me. I am not from Missouri but hey Tennessee should be a fine substitute.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:42 PM on 02/22/2009
- The Ghost I'm a Fan of The Ghost 47 fans permalink
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"Then I would have decked him."

Just like Jesus would have done.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:28 PM on 02/22/2009
- SharonB I'm a Fan of SharonB 13 fans permalink

Jesus???? What in hell does Jesus have to do with this??????

If you want to slam someone's religion go elsewhere.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:32 PM on 02/22/2009

Yep. Jesus didn't say anything favorable about the rich that I remember.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:47 PM on 02/22/2009

I wish the lady from Missouri would have decked him. The pompous jerk deserved it.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:33 PM on 02/22/2009
- Sensiblebg I'm a Fan of Sensiblebg 31 fans permalink

That's funny.. Im from rural Missouri and I've decided to take my uneducated a$$ to law school and get a J.D.. How redneck of me! There's nothing like San Francisco liberals!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:33 PM on 02/22/2009

PLEASE don't think this guy is representative of the rest of us who live in SF. He is an unwelcome aberration, and personally, I'd like to see him shipped off to the poncy, elitist farm he came from. He lives only a few blocks from me. and for the first couple of days I fantasized about getting a posse together to TP his precious house.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:08 PM on 02/22/2009

Sadly, people like this are less and less an aberration and more and more the norm. Good call on TPing his house.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:39 PM on 02/22/2009
- Sensiblebg I'm a Fan of Sensiblebg 31 fans permalink

Oh I don't label all San Franciscans as elitist pigs but its a shame that those who are the loudest seem to get the most exposure.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:43 PM on 02/22/2009
- SharonB I'm a Fan of SharonB 13 fans permalink

You can find people who think that they are superior in every city, state, nation, and continent on this planet. San Francisco has there share of meanies, but they also have loads of folks you would love to just hang out with and drink a beer and laugh. I lived in Livermore a long time ago and had many good times in Frisco.
To me, the person who is really intelegent and well brought up is the one who tries to make everyone around him/her comfortable and to feel good about themselves.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:37 PM on 02/22/2009
- punkindmb I'm a Fan of punkindmb 11 fans permalink
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I agree. This isn't about San Francisco or Missouri. Its about ONE jerk who equates his high test scores with his worth as a person. If you don't measure up, you're worthless. I wonder how his kids will measure up in a few years. How will their anger manifest itself?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:13 PM on 02/22/2009
- Sparty1 I'm a Fan of Sparty1 19 fans permalink

Even if he had something worthy to say, it just wouldn't come across well because of his raggedy arse attitude.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:18 PM on 02/22/2009
- Cactusman I'm a Fan of Cactusman 6 fans permalink
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Fowler acted like a jerk, and no one deserves to be treated the way he treated Long. Contempt and shaming people is beneath basic human dignity.

I am a liberal gay environmentalist voluntarily living in a rural conservative area, and despite irritation with Republican ideology and the mindsets of some who STILL believe in BushCo, fake warfare, and American Greatness cheerleading, I'd NEVER stoop to treating my neighbors, many of whom resemble Gayla Long, in this contemptible fashion.

Which brings up the biggest point: TV is generally trash not worth watching. Leaving aside debates over political stances and worldviews, what's really clear is that TV's designed to manipulate you for various purposes, frequently antithetical to your health.

I gave up TV 15 years ago, and before today hadn't heard of this "reality show". My emotions and thoughts were manipulated simply watching these short clips above. I'm not complaining, just pointing out that mindfulness of the motives of media producers is needed. Their agenda is to sell you crap you don't need and cannot afford, both material and ideological, and hook you into brainless conflicts between two strangers to keep you "entertained".

Afterwards, tons of energy gets spent debating the merits of being a liberal elite versus a conservative redneck, and much more heat than light is produced. Division reigns, fear rules....

Unless you think about the effects this manipulation had upon YOUR mind and heart, then you're being played for a fool by the producers of trash like this.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:16 PM on 02/22/2009
- SharonB I'm a Fan of SharonB 13 fans permalink

Thank you! After I read tha article, I do believe I was more angry about him not just admitting he made a stupid choice. No, not this fool... he has to blame someone else.

He laid down in a dung heap... now he wants to whine about the smell.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 07:23 PM on 02/22/2009
- Roxanna I'm a Fan of Roxanna 31 fans permalink

I don't watch programs like this?
What positive accomplishment or understanding came from this?
What kind of people sign up to do this?

What a waste of human time, when life is so short....T­his stuff is for "The Birds"!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:43 PM on 02/22/2009

Agreed. I have never watched it and never will. Shows like this are like fast food. This Fowler guy is a hypocrite for appearing on it. If he thinks he has such great ideas, why not write a book instead?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:05 PM on 02/22/2009

These shows are very interesting character studies and can actually be learning devices for viewers that confront similar issues. It's all about how skewed some people allow their lives to become without even realizing it. The episode in question wasn't really about conservative redneck versus liberal elite. It was about cosmopolitan intellectual snob versus undereducated countryfolk. Healthfood devotee versus fast-food junkie. What if anything can one teach the other?

Lesson learned -- they can both learn from one another. EVERYONE has something to offer. But when people close their minds, nothing changes. What keeps people's minds closed better than anything else? Believing that one is superior and being spoken to rudely or condescendingly.

All of these people will continue to grow from this experience -- and so will many of their viewers...

It makes me happy to watch people grow...it'­s just as compelling as good fiction and more socially productive that sports...

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:55 PM on 02/22/2009
- tds1273 I'm a Fan of tds1273 8 fans permalink

Exactly. Just like Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days, or Discovery's survival shows to an extent. It's about putting someone in to a situation completely contrary to what they consider "normal"; how a person copes with a new environment, and often, how that enviornment copes with them.

Guilty pleasure sure, but very interesting.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 01:19 AM on 02/23/2009
- LyneRae I'm a Fan of LyneRae 4 fans permalink

All four of these people are morons.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:27 PM on 02/22/2009

I like him. Well, not really. He's a jerk, but Gayla and her husband are perfect caricatures of exactly what is wrong in our country. Blind nationalism, fast food junkies, hee haw/yee haw mentality and no aspirations for themselves.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 03:07 PM on 02/22/2009

This is just another media incarnation of all star wrestling. Two caricatures are created to stir reactions at a visceral level and sustain an audience. There is spectacle and drama. On a subtler level, it's the same formula that is applied to the packaging of mainstream news. Unfortunately, some people will take these programs seriously and even if they don't, the stereotypes will have an influence on their thinking. "Oh yeah, those over the top San Francisco liberals with their tree hugging, sustainability and solar energy." Not only does this kind of programming further polarize people, but it trivializes some very serious problems facing our planet. I'm not opposed to entertainment but when a medium thrives on perpetuating partisan conflict, ignorance and prejudice and the lines between news reporting, news commentary, and entertainment are so blurred, I don't think it is just benign entertainment.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:20 PM on 02/22/2009

Very well put.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 04:58 PM on 02/22/2009
- Cactusman I'm a Fan of Cactusman 6 fans permalink
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Bingo! See my post above.

I'm glad to see that many people are grasping what the "media", particularly visually-oriented ones like TV and movies, does to our minds. Reading about things is vastly different from watching them in images. Totally different regions of the brain are activated between the two forms of media.

Whenever there is a conflict between what is being said on TV versus what we are seeing, the visual aspect wins out over the auditory. The imagery of Fowler berating Long and making her cry trumps whatever Long might have done that was silly or questionable of her own. I didn't watch the series, just the clips above, so I am making assumptions about Long.

Most importantly, the conclusion that the vast majority of middle-Americans watching trash TV like this will reach is that liberals are nasty-disp­ositioned, elitist, fey, snobbish, coast-dwelling blowhards who despise and ridicule hardworking Midwesterners. Real people with strengths and frailties on both sides are reduced to caricatures, and important issues that liberals tend to take up on first (such as the dire state of the ecosphere) are trivialized. It makes it easy for biotic damage to worsen, since milliions of middle-Americans see ecological health and safety as the domain of jerks like Fowler rather than as tied to their own lives.

And the media moguls earn money selling consumerist crap and divisive ideologies to you, while they retain their greedy grasp on the levers of power. Scammery.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:39 PM on 02/22/2009
- wendy31 I'm a Fan of wendy31 4 fans permalink

Fowler went on a show called "Wife Swap". How high class is that?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:51 PM on 02/22/2009

It was probably the wife's idea. She's a teacher and probably looked forward to an impactful teaching moment. She accomplished that on her end. Her husband bombed.

And "her husband" was only one of the issues that "teacher" needed to address...

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:33 PM on 02/22/2009
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People wonder what sort of work this environmental entrepreneur does. It's obvious if you watch both video clips. He silk screens t-shirts. Black ones with cliches in white.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:43 PM on 02/22/2009

These people are ridiculous! At first read I was curious to see if indeeed he could be as bad as described. He is, and then some.
The wife is as well.
I feel sorry for the children being raised in such circumstances.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:14 PM on 02/22/2009
- DGoldman I'm a Fan of DGoldman 4 fans permalink
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This woman deserved that mess. She knew what she was getting into.

No, the man's behavior wasn't good by any means, but think about it. Everyone has said these things or thought these thoughts. There's only so much one can put up with.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:12 PM on 02/22/2009

But being an adult with human decency means you don't say everything you think. I'm sorry, but this guy heaped on an unacceptable amount of verbal abuse. I feel so sorry for those poor kids - they will grow up wondering why no one can stand them, because they were never taught to be considerate of others.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 06:11 PM on 02/22/2009
- Quintspect I'm a Fan of Quintspect 2 fans permalink

Yes. And the habit of saying something of importance in a persuasive, inoffensive, possibly even obliging, manner, is the mark of a dignified, well-reared and well-educated person. This episode is an instance in which a brutal and destructive person poses as the paragon of moral and societal leadership, while in fact he uses the "rules" to unethically bludgeon others.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:06 AM on 02/23/2009
- moutonnoir I'm a Fan of moutonnoir 46 fans permalink
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funny aside - at the international architecture firm i was recently laid off from, my coworkers often complained that british coworkers got more face time and were interrupted less because of their 'captivating' accent. i can see their idea in this man - he is used to his nonsense being taken seriously.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:10 PM on 02/22/2009
- moutonnoir I'm a Fan of moutonnoir 46 fans permalink
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this guy seems like a phony. but then, it is reality tv - it isnt real. i hadn't heard of this show before. that is one of the advantages of not watching or even owning a tv - you get the occasional 'treat' of some such tripe passing over into general interest. the female folwer is seriously my worst nightmare - certifications in what exactly? the man - 158 iq? it is hard to imagine - ive met people with 158 iqs.. it is something like .05% of the population or something.­. i doubt this phony breaks 125 - which also isnt bad... smash your TV!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 02:08 PM on 02/22/2009
- Quintspect I'm a Fan of Quintspect 2 fans permalink

In an intelligence test of only one or two kinds of intelligence, he could score 158. For example, intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence are likely not the forms of intelligence tested. (Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. )

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 05:12 AM on 02/23/2009
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