POLITICS
04/05/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Scritti Politti: March 5, 2009

Burning up my inbox today is news of this story from the Charlotte News and Observer, about an anti-gay marriage rally in Raleigh.

It contains these paragraphs:

David Gibbs III, a lawyer who in 2005 fought to keep brain-damaged Terri Schiavo on life support, told rally participants gay marriage would "open the door to unusual marriage in North Carolina."

"Why not polygamy, or three or four spouses?" Gibbs asked. "Maybe people will want to marry their pets or robots."

Yes, indeed, I have noted the irony of a man who basically wanted to transform a woman in a persistent vegetative state into a cyborg inveighing against coupling with robots. But my amusement ends there! For while I am in favor of gay marriage, I cannot approve of marriage with robots under any circumstances. And I believe that the reasons why were made perfectly clear by the Space Pope, who I present to you now, via Hulu:

DON'T DATE ROBOTS!

Ari Fleischer, Epitome of Class: Awesome. Ari Fleischer, who bankrolled some of the most numbingly juvenile ads as a member of Freedom's Watch, thinks the White House is "childish" for "engaging in the Limbaugh Strategy." And along the way, he tacks on a childish Limbaughian slur. Gah.

Time To Start Throwing Live Tigers At Evan Bayh: Matt Yglesias catches Evan Bayh, comforting the comfortable:

Meanwhile, the median household income in Indiana is $42,000 a year. Families making that much would not see tax increases under Obama's plan. Families making double the Indiana median household income would not see tax increases under Obama's plan. Families making double that would not see tax increases under Obama's plan. Only families making almost six times the median household income of Indiana would see increases; increases that would essentially take us back to the rates that prevailed during the more prosperous 1990s. But never fear, if you're dramatically richer than most Indianans and sociopathically unconcerned with the well-being of your fellow citizens, then Evan Bayh is fighting for you.

Surely this is within someone's Verantwortungszustandigkeiten!: Jack Shafer writes a great essay in praise of New York Times East Africa bureau chief Jeff Gettleman. A sample of the testimony:

"As a reporter, Gettleman can't editorialize or finger the worry beads, which makes him the paper's anti-Kristof. Instead of reducing Africa's conflicts to hellzapoppin' horror show or composing uplifting chords that put smileys on the faces of the suffering, Gettleman dons the big pants of the reliable narrator and puts the dead into deadpan."

Of course, my favorite part is the program note he includes at the end: "Is there a German word for unintentionally insulting Person A by praising Person B? I'm sure there is, and I'm sure I'm going to hear all about it. Send German vocabulary builders to [slate [dot] pressbox at the Gmails.]

Stick To The Kristin Wiig-Style "Affectionate Homage": Jeff Bercovici points out that you should think carefully before you cross Suze Orman.

Daily Dose Of Dow Debunking: You know, after Jon Stewart beat the snot out of CNBC, he spit hot fire all over the emerging "Obama is killing the Dow" meme, as well.