POLITICS

Chuck Norris Volunteers To Lead Texas Into Bizarre New Future

04/09/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

When Republicans become president, or threaten to, you often hear some of your fellow countrymen vow to move to Canada. And why not? They have really good health care, and curling, and poutine, and indie rock. Some people, in fact, do -- and they write excellent blogs about their experiences. Most, however, don't because it's cold and the Quebecois can be too much for some people.

As it turns out, there's an equal and opposite analogue to moving to Canada during the Obama administration, and it is apparently going to Texas with guns and forming a new country called the Breakaway Republic of Texastan. Or something like that. It's not totally clear, but, anyway, World Net Daily -- my trusted source for Texas Secessionism news -- has a piece up from Chuck Norris, who apparently was visited by powerful hallucinations of our founding fathers and now wants to be the "President of Texas," and lead it into a bold new future of martial arts, and Wild West rope shows, and the like.

Here is an excerpt of this fantasia, which for all the world sounds like the sort of thing that starts on the Glen Beck radio show:

When I appeared on Glenn Beck's radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, "Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?" And he answered, "If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won't stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up." Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, "And where's that going to come from?" He answered his own question, "Texas, it's going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?" I replied, "Oh yeah!" Definitely.

It was these types of thoughts that led me to utter the tongue-n-cheek frustration on Glenn Beck's radio show, "I may run for president of Texas!"

I'm not saying that other states won't muster the gumption to stand and secede, but Texas has the history to prove it.

So there you have it! Soon, Texas will secede, declare war on Ron Paul's Paulville, and eventually get retroceded to Mexico and become the largest maquiladora zone in North America. In the meanwhile, Norris would like anyone who's going to be in the Houston area this weekend for the "national martial arts event, 'Showdown in H-Town.'"

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