Colbert Will Hunt Down AIG Bonus Babies With Pitchforks (VIDEO)

ON last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took on the KING DICKS OF THE UNIVERSE, also known as the executives at AIG, who intend to dole out $165 million in bonuses to the people who destroyed all the money. Or, at least, you know...some of them: the ones who use our bailout monies, as Colbert describes, "in ways we never see, to prop up businesses we don't understand." But the folks at AIG will not have to do as Chuck Grassley instructs - resign or commit suicide - that's because Colbert is sending his mob, with Pitchforks, after AIG's toxic asses! But who's to say the nominal head of a pitchfork wielding mob can't learn a thing or two from his opponents? Pulling out the Angry Mob Leading contract governing the mob's activities, Colbert assures, "Should the mob succeed, I get $165 million. But if we fail, I get nothing. Except my bonus, $165 million dollars."

"Nation," Colbert urged, "follow me, and I will make us a mob so big, it cannot fail." We'll all remember having this good laugh as the world collapses around us!

[WATCH.]

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Comments

[layman]

That Paulson guy was and is very very deceptive !!!!!!! He initially said about the bailout money that no question asked about how the money is to be used and just give it to the banks hm hm hmmmm,,,,,,

[llnwonderland]

You guys are all pansies. Screw the guillotine's and pitchforks. I'm bringing my crocodile shears, heretic's fork, Iron Maiden, and I may just have to rent The Rack. I'll let someone borrow my tongue tearer, and we all get a turn with The Pear.

[AN2009]

Feed that rage!

[ICanHasDemocracy]

but not until we tax those bonuses 90%...

[Doug Flight]

ok I'm warped.... How about a power drill to the kneecaps? That would be the shiznit.

[stephanemot]

Colbert's Rush hour indeed.

[eigram]

Can Congress rush through a TAX of say 90% of gross on these AIG bonus'? Hit them in the wallet, just as 90% plus of American workers have been hit. Let's do the pitchfork thing, bring back the stocks (arms and head locked ) and pelt them with rotten veggies and worthless mortgages.

[quantumspin]

But that Colbert had actual power.

Our Congress and President lack the guts to take control of this crisis, and are letting the banks loot the country.

We voted for the wrong guy folks. McCain would have had the guts to stand up to the banks, and Palin would have too. Obama is a weak leader.

[hess]

Uh...
the Money that AIG has spent, is spending, and will Immediately spend in the near Future...
is all "Guts W. Bush" BailOut Money.
(all these Bonus monies and other AIG thievery are Bush funded handouts, right ?)

John McCain, the GOP Sycophant who was suckling on the jacketless teat of GW Bush has "Guts" ?

And Palin's got Guts ?
(the same Palin who did not have the Guts to stand up to John "Guts" McCain in order to deliver "her message" to America)

Better luck with your future Magically Delirious trolling efforts.

Happy St. Patrick's Day !

[fight4truth]

Agreed.

A very poorly crafted attempt to disparage our current president, or we've got rumplestiltskin on the boards here. It boggles the mind to see just how uninformed some people are.

[LDS50]

Yah , the same McCain who gave it away during the S&L scandal of the 80s . He'd go postal on them! Good one.

[SILVANUS]

I had this little 'Chamber of Horrors' plastic guillotine as a kid. Actually, I had TWO. I wore one out.

Maybe I was practicing.

[Oxonian2001]

Potential for growth...homemade weapons of destruction. New tar and feather kits. Make-your-own guillotines. So easy even W can put one together!

[jinjinpinti]

Don't forget the voodoo dolls and pin set. In the image of all the crooks and greedmongers we've been screwed by. Just insert pin and grin.

[dragonlady620]

This just in-the "top-level talent" that AIG needed the bonuses to retain? 11 of them took their bonuses, approximately $1 million each and left the company-some are believed to have left the country.

[Oxonian2001]

Time to track em down and confiscate.

[AsUWish]

Who gets a bonus in March???

What do they get monthly and quarterly bonuses?

Since when does a company that is failing, that is not producing a profit give out bonuses anyway? Oh yeah, that right - when the company is paying their executives bonuses with loan money they received with taxpayers dollars. I say don't give them another damn dime! Correction: DON”T GIVE AIG ANOTHER DAMN PENNY!

And change the date that they start repaying the loan to April 1, 2009!

[Oxonian2001]

The reason why it's March is so that their wives can start shopping for summer and fall since the fashion shows are over. They know just what to buy! Daughters need to buy debutante gowns too.

And say, since the housing market is doing poorly, now's the time to pick up a mansion or two.

[Oxonian2001]

AIG's ancien-regime ways deserve to go the way of the French Revolution.

Let them eat cake...shove as many stale Hostess twinkies and cupcakes down their throats as possible and sew up all their orifices. Then when they're on the point of exploding, guillotine them.

[ADNOHR]

I agree that heads should roll - but only symbolically. While it doesn't hurt to put a little fear of a pitchfork-wielding mob into the hearts (if they have any) of the Masters of the Universe, actual bloodshed would be horrific and unacceptable. And remember how the Russian and French Revolutions turned out - it wasn't good. And I can't help but think that the National Guard would be called out to suppress the rebellion - not a pretty picture.

Better to put pressure on Obama to turf the bastards and take them over, no ands, ifs, or buts. Pressure him to do the right things. Sit-down strikes, peaceful demonstrations, phone calls and emails to Congress, anything short of violence. At least give it a try.

[Oxonian2001]

Actually, the Reign of Terror started when the conservatives--the counterrevolutionaries--started plotting. Robespierre, Danton, and co. became paranoid. Of course it's hard to say whether the Reign would have started without the stupid conservative meddling, but the latter certainly did not help things.

Of course, I would prefer that Obama do the right thing. But if nothing happens, we all know what to do. As Thomas Jefferson once said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

[llnwonderland]

No, they should definitely roll for real-bolically. You have fun over there on the grass making phone calls and Blackberry-ing. I'm bringing my ax.

[ADNOHR]

That attitude is pretty similar, methinks, to the one following the 9/11 attacks and the runup to the Iraq invasion: "They're the bad guys!! Let's go kill 'em!!!"!

How did that turn out?

[spinns17]

charge them with treason.

[1201SLD]

Pitchforks, yes, and pikes too. Pikes make heads visible to all, very effective.

[dragonlady620]

I just put in an earlier post my own idea for the pitchforks: Present them with a new contract with the taxpayers, devised by the taxpayers. Point the pitchforks at their heads, and assure them that either their brains or their signatures will be on the contracts before they leave.
Nothing else seems to be working.

[spinns17]

mr colbert please ,we need you to keep the presure on wall street crooks.im sure if you looked deep into it.you will find we were screwed by wall street with oil .and wheat .and all the other things they have done.maybe you can take over the sec for us.you could`nt do a worse job than there doing now.

[dragonlady620]

Is there a copy of the much-discussed contract anywhere available? The one that AIG says is written in stone? As the major shareholders it seems to me that we have the right to examine this contract in full. Has the full contract been published online? If not, why not?

[ChristianEcon.com]

Glad at least someone's asking.

[lisakaz2]

Love Stephen. But I want tar & feathers.