Colbert Will Hunt Down AIG Bonus Babies With Pitchforks (VIDEO)

ON last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took on the KING DICKS OF THE UNIVERSE, also known as the executives at AIG, who intend to dole out $165 million in bonuses to the people who destroyed all the money. Or, at least, you know...some of them: the ones who use our bailout monies, as Colbert describes, "in ways we never see, to prop up businesses we don't understand." But the folks at AIG will not have to do as Chuck Grassley instructs - resign or commit suicide - that's because Colbert is sending his mob, with Pitchforks, after AIG's toxic asses! But who's to say the nominal head of a pitchfork wielding mob can't learn a thing or two from his opponents? Pulling out the Angry Mob Leading contract governing the mob's activities, Colbert assures, "Should the mob succeed, I get $165 million. But if we fail, I get nothing. Except my bonus, $165 million dollars."

"Nation," Colbert urged, "follow me, and I will make us a mob so big, it cannot fail." We'll all remember having this good laugh as the world collapses around us!

[WATCH.]

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Stephen's Angry Mob Will Crush AIG

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Rap Battle
NASA Name Contest

[Would you like to follow me on Twitter? Because why not? Also, please send tips to [e-mail] -- learn more about our media monitoring project here.]

Comments

[proshot22]

I can completely understand now why revolutions are necessary. Every couple of generations blood needs to be spilled by those in power so new blood can lead. Leaders and the haves become so corrupt and out of touch with the real world, they just don't get it. By making an example out of some of them publicly, it'll help to remind the rest of them for a while to act within the bounds of public decency.

By the way, since we taxpayers are technically the ones paying the bonuses, they should PUBLICLY PUBLISH the names and addresses of the 73 individuals receives the bonuses. See how many of them have the guts then to cash the bonuses.

Viva la Revolution­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!

[lisakaz2]

Exactly. This is why Jefferson said what he said about revolution. Those CEOs should all have published addresses and such too. I'd like to show up at the corporate office with effigy, tar and feathers.

[mitsu63]

So would I - and that's probably exactly why we will not see their names and addresses!

[dragonlady620]

"God forbid that we should be twenty years without a revolution­." (Thomas Jefferson)
I have also posted that names of these thieves should be made very public-but I also surmised that they would no doubt insist they now need the money for bodyguards. I have also stated that community service in the country's worst slums would be a good punishment (including having to live there)-alt­ernatively they could go to prison, which is also funded by taxpayers.

[Oxonian2001]

Lisa and Dragonlady, thanks for bringing up Jefferson!

I think the Founding Fathers would be aghast at all of this. Time for us to remember a little COMMON SENSE and declare our independence from the madness on Wall Street and the White House!

[RobinSeattle]

Colbert offering to create a mob too big to fail is pretty funny.

[jsgaetano]

This must be what AIG is all worried about- Colbert with a pitchfork.

[dragonlady620]

From the sound of these posts AIG is going to have to worry about a whole lot of people with pitchforks-and the Pitchfork Brigade idea is sounding better to me with every passing moment. After all, Obama very correctly reminded us that we are all part of the process. This would be Democracy in Action.

[jsgaetano]

AIG doesn't care. Their customers aren't the general public anyway.

[Havnagudtim]

Surround their office buildings. There are enough unemployed in ANY city to scare the h e l l out of them. Don't even need weapons, just make them look you in the eye, and say out loud, "I earned that bonus."

[Yaaawn]

Let's get em!!!!!!

[wolf58]

Just one question.
How many disabled veterans would have 165 billion have helped?

Answer :
All of them with change back

Even though his rant was a joke you can bet that this is not to far from what just might happen.

[apoyo]

Too big to fail should be too big to exist.

Why did the govt break up the telephone company back in the 80's if they were then going to allow banks to consolidate into giant behemoths that can take the world economy down with it?

[zendome]

Good question to ask a Republican

[helmboy]

another good one: how come the unions of the car companies have to break their contracts to save their companies but we can't end this practice IN A COMPANY WE OWN 80% OF because of some holy contract thing?!?

[qdog112]

"and should I fail - I get nothing - except $165 million".

What a bargain.

[rabiddog6708]

We live in an upside down world where greedy corporate suits destroy the company they work for and get million dollar bonuses in the process. The inmates now run the asylum.

[Archontruth]

And where comedians are the only ones who speak truth to power anymore.

It's a sad day when entertainers who have never claimed to be journalists are the only honest brokers left in the media.

[RJII]

where people voted a guy for President because he was the person they most wanted to have a beer with They also didn't mind the fact he said he didn't read.

[Oxonian2001]

We have returned to the Dark Ages when only court jesters were allowed to criticize the kings.

I say it's quite ironic that in the recent past past--oh, say the last 8 years--we've had a president who was barely fit to be a court jester, aka FOOL.

[LREKing]

The irony is pretty strong.

We have corporations who don't care whether they destroy countries, as long as their shareholders benefit, run by people who don't care whether they destroy those companies, as long as their bonus checks arrive.

[Oxonian2001]

Unfortunately, this is what they learn at their overrated universities. Get a B for attending one week of class. Get an A for submitting substandard work. Get Latin honors when you graduate in the top 85% of your class. (In other words, only the serious dummies get nothing.)

After all, how else would someone who can't pronounce basic words and put a sentence graduate from Yale and Harvard?

[Gabblog]

It was Senator Chris Dodd who added an executive compensation restriction to the bill that provided the “exception for contractually obligated bonuses agreed on before Feb. 11, 2009”. BO signed into law .
Is it time to unleash Stewart to eviscerate Dodd? If he does, you know Dodd will not stand a chance for re-electio­n...maybe the people with their pitchforks will recall him now. Just imagine what Dodd, Frank, Rivers er Pelosi, Reid and all those who voted for the bill and signed it into law have done to the American people. Have they no shame??

[notAMoron]

Joseph Cassano, the president of AIG financial services division which created this mess, has donated money to Chris Dodd every political cycle. He also donated ot Barack Obama.

http://www.campaignmoney.com/political/contributions/joseph-cassano.asp?cycle=08

Heres an article from today detailing his roll in this scheme
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=7045889&page=1

If anyone would like to give Mr. Cassano a ring and let him know how you feel this is the entry from the phone book:
Joseph Cassano [phone] 32 Minute Man Hl, Westport, CT 06880

[zendome]

Nothing will change for the better until campaign finance reform is taken on for real - zero special interest funding is the only fix to this nightmare of never getting the People's business taken care of.

[pthesmith]

I was going to suggest passive resistance, but "pitchfork" has a nice ring to it.

[Tyler-Durden]

we really are getting to the point where the only thing to do is revolt.

i just did some quick math, and figured out that if we gave every adult $10000 it would be under 3 trillion dollars. that's less than the total cost of the bailout, which is about 5 trillion.

i'd speculate that $10k would alleviate many people's financial problems. bills would be paid, purchasing would occur, basically that is the way to prime the pump and get our economy going again.

giving money to banks is like pouring water back into the top of a well with no bucket on the end of the rope.

[AnneOlivia]

General strike/work stoppage.

The only power the working class have is their work. If we don't work, "they" don't get the trickle-up profits.

General work stoppage. Best solution.
somebody pick a day and a place where we can all meet (post office? town halls? has to be someplace where there's a location in every town . . . I GOT IT!!! McDonald's!)

And about pitchforks: I don't have one, but I do have a Civil War/Union sword in my closet I could use.

[flyingmonkey]

I say tax stoppage. Don't give the government a cent of money until they account for the money they've already received. That's just good business.

[sarabono]

Yep. And while were at it lets stop those on the public tit from using their welfare bucks for cell phones!

[mitsu63]

Yes because cutting off their communications will really help them become productive members of society. It's not like there isn't a payphone on every other corner, right?

[dragonlady620]

I don't know about your part of the country but around here payphones are disappearing. The phone company has apparently decided that everyone has a cell phone. so public pay phones are pretty scarce now.

[tattery202]

Yes, let's change the subject from rich millionaires getting more millions to people who make $20k/yr enjoing a small life luxury.

[Zofomofo]

Not the time for scapegoating.

[qdog112]

Go find the $9 billion your boy lost in Iraq.

Why would poor people need phones?

[spinns17]

republican spin.who started the bailout?

[SgtLazarus]

Grassley of Iowa has the perfect solution

[mitsu63]

You know what, I read that this morning and I kind of agree. I just wish these corporate greedmeisters would show a little more responsibility for their actions. If they at least publicly apologized, that would help take some of the sting out of it. But they would never go as far as seppuku because they feel no remorse, no sense of culpability.

[Zofomofo]

Apologies are meaningless ffrom people with no conscience.

We need tougher regulations.

[Invox]

You can tell Colbert is a city boy. He had a hay fork, not a pitch fork. But a hay fork will work too.

[Havnagudtim]

Hay, a fork's a fork!

[qdog112]

Colbert is no city boy, as there are really no "cities" in SC.