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Scritti Politti: March 31, 2009

First Posted: 05/01/09 06:12 AM ET Updated: 05/25/11 02:10 PM ET

Beck Meatballs

The Poetry of Glenn Beck:

Somebody said let's make Swedish meatballs at the furniture store
And somebody else said, that's a stupid idea; nobody's going to want meatballs at the furniture store.
And the first guy on that first day, his ass was on the line.
And so one customer came for lunch, he knew he had to get rid of the meatballs
And he was like, yeah, you want meatballs from the furniture store?
And they're like, yeah, I guess; my wife has been dragging them around forever.
Anything. Just whatever. I was thinking about eating an ottoman
A little while ago but then meatballs has actual meat in it
And then the guy behind the counter said, well, I'm not really sure
But ya, ya, sure. So then he takes the meatballs
And he has to put them on a huge plate
Because he has to get rid of them.
Otherwise, you know, the big Swede is going to say
That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
And so now that one fat guy who had the big bowl of meatballs
Now buys all of his furniture there and has told all of his fat friends,
Buy your furniture there because your wife will walk around
And you'll have an hour worth of eating meatballs
And that's what happened.
--"Meatballs At The Furniture Store"

Salon collects the seminal works of America's Greatest Crackpot Slam Poet, Glenn Beck.

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We may not understand what AIG did -- what's a credit-default swap, anyway? -- but we sure as hell know what GM did: It made a lot of lousy cars. So did Ford and Chrysler. They made cars with utter contempt for the customer. The industry at one time even opposed seat belts and air bags, and it designed cars that were not safe. I know things have changed, but I remember. I remember.

I remember my first car more positively. It was cherry-red 1988 Chrysler Fuck Richard Cohen LX. That thing glided down the streets of Northern Virginia like a cloud full of silver linings and the engine purred like a hummingbird. A sublimely contemptuous hummingbird.

If You Had The Sensation That A Million Bloggers Sighed In Ecstacy At Once...: ...it's because Friday Night Lights has been renewed.

Daily Dose of Delight: Oh, Lord. From the good people at 30 Rock, here's the uncut version of the 1-900-OK FACE.

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