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Scritti Politti: March 31, 2009

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The Poetry of Glenn Beck:

Somebody said let's make Swedish meatballs at the furniture store

And somebody else said, that's a stupid idea; nobody's going to want meatballs at the furniture store.

And the first guy on that first day, his ass was on the line.

And so one customer came for lunch, he knew he had to get rid of the meatballs

And he was like, yeah, you want meatballs from the furniture store?

And they're like, yeah, I guess; my wife has been dragging them around forever.

Anything. Just whatever. I was thinking about eating an ottoman

A little while ago but then meatballs has actual meat in it

And then the guy behind the counter said, well, I'm not really sure

But ya, ya, sure. So then he takes the meatballs

And he has to put them on a huge plate

Because he has to get rid of them.

Otherwise, you know, the big Swede is going to say

That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

And so now that one fat guy who had the big bowl of meatballs

Now buys all of his furniture there and has told all of his fat friends,

Buy your furniture there because your wife will walk around

And you'll have an hour worth of eating meatballs

And that's what happened.

--"Meatballs At The Furniture Store"

Salon collects the seminal works of America's Greatest Crackpot Slam Poet, Glenn Beck.

Cover Band: You have to admire the innovative way that Esquire is producing every single take on the magazine cover imaginable, except for the one that will save print media.

A Good Point About the MN Senate Race: Eric Boehlert has a good point: if the 2000 Presidential election is any guide, we should have seen the media depict Norm Coleman as a "sore loser" a long, long time ago. Maybe it's just redundant?

The Unbearable Unbearableness Of Being Richard Cohen: Ugh, Richard Cohen, unfunny and unloved, talks auto industry:

We may not understand what AIG did -- what's a credit-default swap, anyway? -- but we sure as hell know what GM did: It made a lot of lousy cars. So did Ford and Chrysler. They made cars with utter contempt for the customer. The industry at one time even opposed seat belts and air bags, and it designed cars that were not safe. I know things have changed, but I remember. I remember.

I remember my first car more positively. It was cherry-red 1988 Chrysler Fuck Richard Cohen LX. That thing glided down the streets of Northern Virginia like a cloud full of silver linings and the engine purred like a hummingbird. A sublimely contemptuous hummingbird.

If You Had The Sensation That A Million Bloggers Sighed In Ecstacy At Once...: ...it's because Friday Night Lights has been renewed.

Daily Dose of Delight: Oh, Lord. From the good people at 30 Rock, here's the uncut version of the 1-900-OK FACE.

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