Why You Need To Stop Worrying About Your Children

Salon Life:

Over the past year, syndicated columnist Lenore Skenazy, 49, has become something of a heretic. She's an American mother of two boys, now 11 and 13, who dares to suggest that today's kids aren't growing up in constant state of near peril.

Amid the cacophony of terrifying Amber Alerts and safety tips for every holiday, Skenazy is a chipper alternative, arguing that raising children in the United States now isn't more dangerous than it was when today's generation of parents were young. And back then, it was reasonably safe, too. So why does shooing the kids outside and telling them to have fun and be home by dark seem irresponsible to so many middle-class parents today?

Read the whole story: Salon Life

Comments

[kareemachan]

When our kid was 8, my husband and I took stock of where we were and where we wanted to be. I have such good memories of growing up in a small town, being a "latchkey kid" without a key, and being able to ride my bike everywhere and yes, "being back by dark". We took a chance and moved to a place where our kid could experience the same thing. And it was great: smaller classes (graduating class was 21 kids), able to hang out at the library or Fun House, and get a ride home with friends' parents if need be. And the best thing was that there is an informal "parent watch". If someone would have seen my kid doing something wrong, they'd let us know. And same with me - I would have done the same and have been known to chew out kids I know if I see them do something stupid (much to my kid's embarrassment). So I fully agree with Lenore, except I would have found it much harder to do in a city, I have to admit. But if you "protect" your kids too much, you're not helping them in the long run. And I know it's hard, but seeing them blossom as capable adults is worth all the inner anguish you might feel at the time.

[Antifascist-08]

Great article. I'm down with this.

Here in silicon valley, kids are so busy taking classes and tests and testing classes that they rarely just go out and have fun with each other. Everything is scripted for them. It is one way of baby-sitting your kids if you are "too busy" to do it yourself. Just give them so much to do that they can't "get into trouble."

I feel sorry for some of them.

[kareemachan]

Most definitely! I see so many people who have their kids doing umpteen different things every week, they don't have time to just hang out and be themselves. I think it's sad, but when I mentioned my thoughts on this to another mother, boy did I get put in my place! Evidently it was akin to child abuse if my kid wasn't taking karate, ballet, gymnastics, tap dance, soccer, softball, etc, etc, etc. Oy vey.

[ldavis24]

Am I the only young 20s ish person who was allowed to roam my town when I was 12? I walked literally a mile to my middle school every day. I also walked to elementary school with my little brother every day (that was close by but we were still young)...I was allowed to bike all over town all day on weekends and be home by evening. I nannied for a guy who wouldn't let his daughter ride the bus, ever. I had to pick her up from school every day because the bus "was dangerous"

[Antifascist-08]

I'm glad to know that there are some young people like you who grew up the way we did in the 50s and 60s.

I can still remember the day I managed to keep a kite up all day while I walked around the neighborhood, sat in front yards and hung out with other kids and curious adults.

We also rode our bikes to vacant lots and built forts and even had rafts in drainage ditches when there was enough water in them.

"Back by dark." Sounds good to me.

[TheBlackCat]

How funny! Just last night my friends and I were lamenting about this exact thing. When WE were kids, it was "Alright, bye bye now, be home before dark." Then we'd be gone tromping through the neighborhood or the woods nearby for like eight hours with no cell phones.

These helicopter parents aren't doing their kids any favors, they're just ensuring that they grow up into big children. I am friends with one such guy, he's almost thirty but he calls his parents or girlfriend with every little problem or need. He really just can't do a thing by himself, and he's afraid of everything. It's actually pretty sad. And now we have a whole generation of kids now being raised like this.

[James Redmond]

Completely refreshing, in that in proportion to the amount of media we ingest, we allow our psyches to be ingested by the remorseless content, and if we're to teach our children not to trust those who work with fear, how can we allow for our children to have the sense of freedom from fear many of us were raised with? I used to walk myself home from pre-school at 3 years old. My older sisters showed me the path, and i made the trip home with no problems.

30 years ago, our parents weren't being unduly manipulated by extremely fear provoking TV content, whether news, movies or shows, and passing that fear onto us. We felt safe, we knew not to talk to strangers, not to get into a stranger's car, etc, and that basic safety went a long way in giving us a sense of security. It is extremely difficult for people imbued with a sense of fear to understand that we, as a global people, are extraordinarily compassionate, loving and protective. It's the most important thing to be as careful as possible but without sacrificing that sense of actual compassion and nurturing that humanity has for humanity, as understood by our children and ourselves. The media simply needs to grow up, because they make it that much harder for people to understand basic truths about our lives and our world.

[Usedtobequiet]

This is a really great article - good for Lenore Skenazy for tackling this subject! She is one brave woman to go against popular opinion. One thing about excessive worrying about your kids is sometimes they can grow up to feel like they are just not capable...which can be crippling. Take it from one who knows.

Usedtobequiet

[kapalabhati]

Yeah, wish me luck with that one.