David Feherty, CBS Golf Analyst, Unleashes Insane Nancy Pelosi Death Fantasy

Sweet sassy molassey! A column in the recent issue of D Magazine is freaking everybody out today, and with good reason! It contains the line:

From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.

Here's the amazing part! The column was written by David Feherty, who is best known as CBS' golf analyst. Yes. You read that correctly. CBS' GOLF ANALYST. Talk about a good walk spoiled!

"Mr. Feherty's violent comments about Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid are disgusting," said Media Matters president Eric Burns. "Suggesting that our troops would attack the leaders of the very democracy they've sworn to sacrifice their lives for is an insult to their integrity, honor, and professionalism. CBS Sports should demand its golf analyst apologize to our soldiers."

OK, so: context! The line comes in a larger article about President George W. Bush and wife Laura moving to the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow, and if I could sum up the theme of Feherty's piece in a sentence, it would be: "I, David Feherty, have an intense loathing of everyone who lives in this community and very soon, President Bush shall know of my pain and despair."

And now, a mea culpa! This article by Feherty is part of a larger collection of ruminations on Bush 43's return to Texas that have been available online for a long time, and which I mentioned back in the beginning of April. Somehow, and I don't remember how, Feherty's contribution to this effort escaped my attention. I sort of feel bad about this now, I can tell you!

Anyway, among the great works of Feherty that I haven't read is a book called An Idiot For All Seasons, so maybe he was encouraged to go for broke, throw every last stitch of intense, crazyfaced emotion he had in him at the page, and managed to strike gold with his insane Nancy Pelosi death fantasy. Here's a Brief and Lamentable Collection of Wackery that didn't quite rise to that level:

...I mean, what a nightmare of a time that was to be president of the United States! His two terms must have felt like the rest of the world had inserted the Washington Monument into him and it was his job to heave it out....

...I hate my neighbors because of their very proximity, or at least I hate the ones that want to talk to me who aren't doctors or gun dealers or who don't have their own airplanes....

...If I have to visit someone, he had better either be in jail or the hospital, and to be honest I'd prefer jail. I do golf commentary on CBS and sometimes star in television commercials wherein I jump on a trampoline while wearing a skirt....

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...No, when I make it home, I slam the door behind me and peek out the letterbox to see if I've been spotted by any of the bastards who live nearby....

...Even with their Secret Service entourage, the Bushes are going to be besieged by herds of North Dallas McMansion-dwellers, more brown-nosed and full of BS than any longhorn. Nouveaux riche and face-lifted old-monied fossils alike will descend upon them like ants to the honeypot every time they set foot outside their door....

Feherty also offers us a brief glimpse into his political views:

I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage, and for stupid dancing in the end zone. I believe in the abolition of estate taxes and the Pickens Plan. I'd lower the legal drinking age and raise the driving age to 18 nationwide, make Kinky Friedman governor of Texas, and make all schools, public and private, start earlier with one hour of physical exercise.

So there you have it. Now you know what Crash Davis' "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days" monologue would have sounded like if it had been spoken by a thoroughly insane golf analyst, and not Kevin Costner.

UPDATE: CBS' Sports has responded, calling Feherty's column an "unacceptable attempt at humor."

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Comments

[LizM]

Y'all need to take care of a couple or three things, at least...get your facts straight, number one...and, number two...grow a sense of humor. And, while you're at it, you might want to check this out - for starters - that is, if you are the least bit interested in the truth of the matter.

...David Feherty on the US troops...
http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2009/apr/12/feherty_bike_ride_aid_u_s_soldiers78378/

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Feherty can hold all the charity bike rides on the planet; he can cycle into outer space with all the flat-earthers behind him; we can all go to comedy school for a master's degree, and none of it will change the violent words he wrote against the democratically elected official who is in line for the presidency behind Biden.

The worst part is, he cowardly wrote all his alleged heroes into his hilarious little elevator tale. Why not be a man and put yourself out there as the main character? But no, he had to hide behind the symbol of a soldier instead.

Sick and pathetic. I seriously doubt if CBS is laughing over this. More likely they have their lawyers peering over the Feherty contract.

[zakwouldhave]

LizM. We got our facts straight from the story. I agree with the guy on some things and he may be a great supporter of the troops. Threaten elected (this means US citizens elected them) members of congress of any party and it really seems wrong. Most people say I have a sense of humor (twisted even) but joking about shooting people dead sees unfunny. Thats just me....and plenty of other Americans. And you take care too now, ya hear?

[LizM]

Hey zak,

Ouch. Well, I guess I deserved that tone - I’ve been in a bit of a mood, lately. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! :)

I would just make two points...first, from what I have read about this, here and elsewhere, it is clear that most people commenting haven't got the foggiest idea of who David Feherty is. I would suspect that if more of those people commenting on this issue knew a little bit about the man - and I mean just from regularly watching the PGA on TV - then there would be little attention, if any, paid to a column that exudes hyperbole he wrote a couple of months ago!
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people can think they know so much about a person when they actually know so little. I mean, I'm a Biden fan, for God's sake! Feherty has been called a 'conservative talking head' and a whole lot worse - based just on one obviously tongue-fir­mly-plante­d-in-cheek article, steeped in hyperbole, about what it's going to be like to have former President Bush for a neighbor. It is obvious that these people have no clue as to who David Feherty is - not one iota!

I hope you are not among those who are now calling for his removal from CBS. If that happens, then it would just give me yet another reason to call the media inept and incompetent!

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Liz, you seem like such a nice person . . .

Feherty can hold all the charity bike rides on the planet; he can cycle into outer space with all his fan club drafting off him; we can all go to comedy school for a master's degree -- and none of it will change the violence he advocated against the democratically elected official* who is in line for the presidency behind Biden.

* He gets a special "Worst Person Award" for cowardly hiding behind all his alleged heroes in his hilarious little elevator tale.

A real knee-slapper that I seriously doubt CBS is guffawing over.

[Wanda Moore]

Love David's thoughts on Pelosi and the troops. Great to see a commentator who isn't afraid of the pc police.

[dashboard]

Looks like Feherty will be hitting three off the tee away from any cameras.

[ChelseaC]

He's a jerk.

[ECB]

Big Time !

[websmith]

David's biting sarcasm and wit isn't for everyone. He's a much better spoken and written Ann Coulter of the golf world which is exactly why he's so popular. The soldiers that I have spoken to that keep up with politics (very few of them do) have expressed their disdain for Pelosi in a much more blunt manner that falls very short of passing over anyone's head. To put it in printable terms, they feel like, while they are fighting for our country, she is doing her best to give it away and that she has violated her oath of office from the moment she took it. They doubt that she has ever read the Constitution that she swore to uphold.

It is a bit distasteful to refer to David as insane when most people know that he has battled clinical depression and won.

[jukesgrrl]

"Most people" don't even know who he is.

[zakwouldhave]

websmith. Can you tell me why their ire is aimed at Pelosi? I am trying to learn about this. So far not one comment has provided details of potential rage from our military at Pelosi. Thanks for any help.

[Querent]

Well, maybe it's because the Republicans tried to make her the monster of liberalism in the 2006 elections, saying that if the Democrats took the majority in the House, Ms. Pelosi would become Speaker, which, in many incomprehensible ways, they claimed, would lead to the downfall of America. This was a feature of many Republican Congressional campaigns, and the RNC spent a lot of money promoting the idea. Also, a number of frothing at the mouth right-wing columnists and pundits wrote and spoke about the disasters in store for the nation if Congresswoman Pelosi became Speaker that year, as you probably recall she did. The one I particularly remember was Cal Thomas.

[Cynth]

He's nothing like Ann Coulter...in any milieu.

[redsongia]

Who won the 100,000 dollars for obtaining photographic evidence of the existence of the devil?

[ladylove114]

I have a feeling if he had made this joke and used Sarah Palin and George Bush instead of Pelosi and Reid you people would be nominating him for sainthood.

[serialcoma]

I have a feeling you're an id io t.

[ladylove114]

I have a feeling you are precious.

[dgh94104]

But that's just it: we WOULDN'T.

[redsongia]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0853096/

Not sainthood, but the film did win some Toronto film award in 2006.

[ladylove114]

You must not read the same comments I read here.

[Tkevan]

Actually, some of you would.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zja97pocN8U&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwizbangblog%2Ecom%2Fcontent%2F2008%2F07%2F22%2Fwhen%2Dyoure%2Dspitting%2Don%2Dsoldiers%2Dand%2Dsaying%2Dwe%2Dshould%2Dhang%2Dthe%2Dpresident%2Dthen%2Dcan%2Dwe%2D&feature=player_embedded

[nyhfrog]

I think one very important point has been left out of Feherty's stupid attempt at humor:

Although it is probably true that most of the pverseasmilitary personnel he spoke to probably feel a great deal of animosity toward Pelosi and Reid, the reason they do has more to do with what they are allowed to listen to and read when they are over there. May I remind everybody that during the last six years Limbaugh, Hannity and the like is what is allowed on the radio while Air America and the like is blocked.

With that sort of misinformation touted as fact, who can blame them?

[The Ghost]

A majority of the military voted for Obama. Ubiquitous support for conservative principals in the military is an urban myth.

[Tkevan]

That is a bold faced lie. Nothing is blocked by DOD.

[Dameocrat]

The military blocks youtube because it didn't like criticism of the war. It created a replacement called trooptube but the troops were too lefty so they started blocking it too.

http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2009/03/trooptube-block/

[zakwouldhave]

I used to play in an adult kickball league. The hard core right wingers on my team were pretty fun to hang out with but half the time would try to bunt and then would argue with the other team over nothing.......the rules did not apply to them or they just were trying to compensate for not being able to kick the damn ball. I would just drink beer, watch them yell at each other and hang out with the sane ones on the team or even with opponents who couldn't believe what we were seeing. Its amusing except when people are stockpiling ammo like they are these days.

[ByersL]

Though I think he was meaning to be sarcastic, in this day and age, a public figure just can't joke about shooting other public people. Really. You just can't anymore. He should have known better.

[Bompa]

Whe I first heard about this.... out of context... I was all for throwing him to the wolves.
Context is everything... and this TAKEN IN CONTEXT is obviously just a bad attempt at humor, which David is all about.
A formal appology and a clear statement about how stupid the joke was... with a few weeks to think about the conquences seems about right to me.

He is one of the most ireverant and entertaining guys on the golf scene.......

"bad dog david".... now go to your room!

[Cynth]

I agree. It wasn't until I read the entire piece and thought about it, that my head cooled. It's nice to hear a voice of reason from someone who actually knows Feherty's work. I'm not a golf fan, but I've been a fan of Feherty's wit, satire on a number of topics, and self-deprecating humor for a long time. I don't always agree with him, but he's a terrific writer and entertainer. Here, I think his is misinformed, over-simplistic, and wrong about the how soldiers feel (relying only on limited, anecdotal evidence); he missed his mark in the point he was trying to make re: the Pelosi, Reid, Bin Laden passage; and he simply expressed himself very poorly. But I also think many commenters here have missed the mark, too: it seems many hadn't read his entire piece and simply took the passage as a call to arms. Let's chill a bit and lower the pitchfork & torches. I'd like to think that people here are better than this. I like HuffPo because it tends to have a more reasonable and informed audience than many other sites -- and we don't tend to fall into the knee-j*rk (or just j*rky) reactions on conservative sites.

[STG 44]

I say shoot Pelosi and Reid once each and then butt-stroke Osama to death!

[Bompa]

Now you sparky are the one that is scary and nuts......you take it seriously...... you know you have over 71/2 years to go... keep it up and your head will explode.

[armadillo]

Seek counseling soon. Your anger is consuming you.

[Prog96]

You have to admit - the world would be a little saner.

[zakwouldhave]

STG44. Relax. You can't always get your way. Your way is probably wanting a president you can sit down and have a beer with at the country club or at halliburton headquarters. Some of us like a smart President who knows things.

[Tkevan]

Like how to read a teleprompter? Or, how about how to claim 150K new jobs, while losing 600K in the same month? Or how to give the UAW controlling intrest in Chrysler, while bending the american people over to the tune of $4Billon? Or how to weaken the capability of the Intel community to track attacks while a "test run" happens right under his nose in southern California? (which almost noone reported on. Try to google on the coordinated attack on San Jose and San Carlos.)

[dashboard]

Time for your fourth scotch and a dip into that bag of weed.

[Nofsdad]

Is it really that had to get over losing?

[mitsie]

This was totally out of line. He has the right to say anything he wanted however in this day and age, there is a fear of something terrible happening, especially with the GOP in turmoil. My concern is that he may give some lunatic an idea, and then something could happen. It's disgusting.

[ydrittmann]

Lunatics already have this idea. They can't reach Pelosi, so they walk into churches an start firing.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

CBS News reports the basic building blocks of Feherty's Fable: Pelosi gets two. Reid and bin Laden get none.

Feherty-the-Soldier (geez, look who he's hiding behind!) in this sick scenario would logically use one bullet each on the larger opponents. Two bullets. Close range. Two main targets. Simple arithmetic.

Yet, all available bullets go to the smallest physical threat.

(1) Why the rage against Pelosi?

(2) Why impugn the entire U.S. military (his newly adopted comrades?), using a soldier-as­-perpetrat­or in a murder scene?

(3) Why isn't the very first bullet for bin Laden, who allegedly placed our country in this political, geographical, and financial morass?

Oh, wait -- he's courageously employing a magazine column to sidle up to W.

Oh. OK!

Fictional scenarios aside, this is strangest golf game yet. Play along, if you like, sympathizers, but I hope his salary gets cut WAY back. To zero.

Or, at least to where he won't be able to afford his true fantasy -- a bike ride around the Nay-borhood with his newest and best-est BFF ever, Georgie-Poo.

[HelloooCanada]

is this a photo david feherty or the little devil over his shoulder that made him say such things?

[lmvd3]

Oh geez. Go get a real job.
Is it me, or does the guy look like Satan? He must know this.

[BlueKansas]

Being married to a golfer, I tend to watch a fair bit of golf coverage. Believe me -- David Feherty is a terrific guy, and he has a hilarious and off kilter sense of humor that is almost never in this sort of terrible taste. Sure, I am disappointed that he wrote such a thing in an article, disappointed that his editor didn't strike it -- but I love David Feherty and won't judge him on this one stupid comment.

Seriously, he's a great guy (and has a wonderful thick Irish accent to boot). I''ll cut him some slack.

[Zengeist]

"Great guy... cut him some slack"? God Lord knows what will it take for certain people to regain a sane perspective. People, for instance, who felt Mel Gibson isn't really anti-Semitic, he just drank too much. And as we all know, lots of good folks who may drink too much sometimes blame all wars on the Jews. Hey that just happens.
People ARE what they DO.