David Feherty, CBS Golf Analyst, Unleashes Insane Nancy Pelosi Death Fantasy

Sweet sassy molassey! A column in the recent issue of D Magazine is freaking everybody out today, and with good reason! It contains the line:

From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.

Here's the amazing part! The column was written by David Feherty, who is best known as CBS' golf analyst. Yes. You read that correctly. CBS' GOLF ANALYST. Talk about a good walk spoiled!

"Mr. Feherty's violent comments about Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid are disgusting," said Media Matters president Eric Burns. "Suggesting that our troops would attack the leaders of the very democracy they've sworn to sacrifice their lives for is an insult to their integrity, honor, and professionalism. CBS Sports should demand its golf analyst apologize to our soldiers."

OK, so: context! The line comes in a larger article about President George W. Bush and wife Laura moving to the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow, and if I could sum up the theme of Feherty's piece in a sentence, it would be: "I, David Feherty, have an intense loathing of everyone who lives in this community and very soon, President Bush shall know of my pain and despair."

And now, a mea culpa! This article by Feherty is part of a larger collection of ruminations on Bush 43's return to Texas that have been available online for a long time, and which I mentioned back in the beginning of April. Somehow, and I don't remember how, Feherty's contribution to this effort escaped my attention. I sort of feel bad about this now, I can tell you!

Anyway, among the great works of Feherty that I haven't read is a book called An Idiot For All Seasons, so maybe he was encouraged to go for broke, throw every last stitch of intense, crazyfaced emotion he had in him at the page, and managed to strike gold with his insane Nancy Pelosi death fantasy. Here's a Brief and Lamentable Collection of Wackery that didn't quite rise to that level:

...I mean, what a nightmare of a time that was to be president of the United States! His two terms must have felt like the rest of the world had inserted the Washington Monument into him and it was his job to heave it out....

...I hate my neighbors because of their very proximity, or at least I hate the ones that want to talk to me who aren't doctors or gun dealers or who don't have their own airplanes....

...If I have to visit someone, he had better either be in jail or the hospital, and to be honest I'd prefer jail. I do golf commentary on CBS and sometimes star in television commercials wherein I jump on a trampoline while wearing a skirt....

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...No, when I make it home, I slam the door behind me and peek out the letterbox to see if I've been spotted by any of the bastards who live nearby....

...Even with their Secret Service entourage, the Bushes are going to be besieged by herds of North Dallas McMansion-dwellers, more brown-nosed and full of BS than any longhorn. Nouveaux riche and face-lifted old-monied fossils alike will descend upon them like ants to the honeypot every time they set foot outside their door....

Feherty also offers us a brief glimpse into his political views:

I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage, and for stupid dancing in the end zone. I believe in the abolition of estate taxes and the Pickens Plan. I'd lower the legal drinking age and raise the driving age to 18 nationwide, make Kinky Friedman governor of Texas, and make all schools, public and private, start earlier with one hour of physical exercise.

So there you have it. Now you know what Crash Davis' "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days" monologue would have sounded like if it had been spoken by a thoroughly insane golf analyst, and not Kevin Costner.

UPDATE: CBS' Sports has responded, calling Feherty's column an "unacceptable attempt at humor."

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Comments

[SoldDowntheRiver]

The bullets for Pelosi would be for NOT TRYING TO STOP AN ELECTIVE WAR!!!! Over 4000 servicemembers have been killed since Bush started this DEBACLE! Other than that, this guy is certifiably insane....

[SouthernBlueBelle]

I think there is mental illness involved.

[bygollymissmolly]

The thing that disturbs me the most is that this guy still has a job.

[zizyphus]

Bad beard.

[dsmyre]

Bad eyebrows. He looks like Satan.

[coastalcarla]

That's what I was thinking. His manscaping makes him look like the devil. If there actually was one, of course.

[hf2008]

Another dork goatee.

[MyThought]

Freedom of speech bedamned. Freedom of speech is used as an excuse to be hateful - and this guy should be "fired"! Now!

Wishing someone dead is twisted and that person should be watched by the police.

[poco767c]

"I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage, and for stupid dancing in the end zone" he is all over the place.
I think he is just trying to be funny by being angry.
It works for Dr. Cox, not so much here.

[GwenElle]

I learned in school that the Neanderthal went extinct some 300,000 years ago. Having read Feherty's comments and glimpsed into what is supposed to be his mind, I see that is not true. Neanderthal man is still among us. Someone should contact the Smithsonian.

[Dameocrat]

Sounds like neocon schizophrenia. I want the death penalty but only for people who oppose gay marriage?

reactionary liberalism and all that.

[Lucky123]

The comment was stupid, but it's freedom of speech. The same freedoms that were attacked by the Right when the Dixie Chicks, Michael Moore and Bill Maher spoke out. Granted, none of their words were violent, but as long as he's not actually inciting violence, who cares? I bet you could have heard close to the same thing walking into any comedy club over the past few years. Should that be banned?
If CBS wants to take action against him because he said this while an employee, then that's their prerogative, I suppose. But the rest of us need to listen to what we're saying when we hear offensive speech ~ We're beginning to sound like post-911 Republicans. People who say stupid things eventually dig their own graves. Don't supply them the tools to help pull themselves out.

[groucho]

Try making the same statement as an unknown to try out your theory. Michael Moore, Bill Maher and the Dixie Chicks were exercising free speech as a way to express their opposition to a war that was cooked up for monetary goals. And they were proven accurate, the war was a sham and we have lost our status as a country with morals.
There is now a 16 year old boy who is in jail because he allegedly made threats on his computer. But there is no evidence so far that the comments actually came from him. 16, no evidence..­.in jail. Grown man, documented on TV talking about the assassination of senators, still working with impunity. There's a little bit of a double standard there. But Glen and Rush and Bill are stoking the fires and it's just PC now to advocate violence.
Along with having to pay for stadiums for overpaid sports figures and their owners and backers, now I have something new to dislike about paid sports. Maybe baseball players arent' the only ones in sports using steroids.

[Lucky123]

I never heard that story about the 16 year old, but it still doesn't change the fact that it's all free speech. Frankly, I'm surprised Keith, Rachel and the ACLU aren't screaming about this case. It sounds like it would be a benchmark for free speech advocates.

[nichtviel]

With the low approval ratings of Pelosi and Reid, around 35%, these kind of comments should not be unexpected. Approximately 60% of American's disapprove of Pelosi's job performance while 40% strongly disapprove of it. In fact, numerous comments were directed towards President Bush to the effect that he should be hung, run over, etc. when he was hitting record lows in his popularity. Don't get your knickers in a knot.

[cungar]

Post a single example of a prominent media figure employed by a major media outlet making such a comment about Bush.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Good thing President Cheney created the NSA wiretapping program in March 2001. Who knows what's been bugged via Big Telecom since then?

You are so right: Death threats shouldn't be "unexpecte­d." Wonder what Bush did regarding his.

Boggles the mind to think about it.

[nichtviel]

Probably didn't understand what they were saying.

[Bobzmcishl]

What is it with middle age white guys like Feherty - they seem to have a repressed hostility toward those who have positions different than them. There view of America and American's seems to based on some sort of fantasy land made up of people who are rich and iive near country clubs, and have private aircraft. This guy has an elitist attitude beyond belief. He is giving the game of golf a bad name because many who don't follow the game closely will think many other golfers share his distorted views. CBS should get him off the air quick!

[nichtviel]

Spoken like a true big.o.t and rac.is.t

[poco767c]

WOW!!!!

[plan9]

Hey, Danny Banaducci that's one mean goatee.

[robertsandimas]

If Feherty had said this about any Republican, Hannity et. al. would be calling for his immediate arrest and deportation. It wasn't funny at all. AT ALL.

[bygollymissmolly]

If he had said it about a Republican during the Bush years, he would have been arrested within the hour.

[midbikecrisis]

Maybe someone should stick a hot pitching wedge up his...