David Feherty, CBS Golf Analyst, Unleashes Insane Nancy Pelosi Death Fantasy

Sweet sassy molassey! A column in the recent issue of D Magazine is freaking everybody out today, and with good reason! It contains the line:

From my own experience visiting the troops in the Middle East, I can tell you this, though: despite how the conflict has been portrayed by our glorious media, if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy Pelosi would get shot twice, and Harry Reid and bin Laden would be strangled to death.

Here's the amazing part! The column was written by David Feherty, who is best known as CBS' golf analyst. Yes. You read that correctly. CBS' GOLF ANALYST. Talk about a good walk spoiled!

"Mr. Feherty's violent comments about Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid are disgusting," said Media Matters president Eric Burns. "Suggesting that our troops would attack the leaders of the very democracy they've sworn to sacrifice their lives for is an insult to their integrity, honor, and professionalism. CBS Sports should demand its golf analyst apologize to our soldiers."

OK, so: context! The line comes in a larger article about President George W. Bush and wife Laura moving to the Dallas suburb of Preston Hollow, and if I could sum up the theme of Feherty's piece in a sentence, it would be: "I, David Feherty, have an intense loathing of everyone who lives in this community and very soon, President Bush shall know of my pain and despair."

And now, a mea culpa! This article by Feherty is part of a larger collection of ruminations on Bush 43's return to Texas that have been available online for a long time, and which I mentioned back in the beginning of April. Somehow, and I don't remember how, Feherty's contribution to this effort escaped my attention. I sort of feel bad about this now, I can tell you!

Anyway, among the great works of Feherty that I haven't read is a book called An Idiot For All Seasons, so maybe he was encouraged to go for broke, throw every last stitch of intense, crazyfaced emotion he had in him at the page, and managed to strike gold with his insane Nancy Pelosi death fantasy. Here's a Brief and Lamentable Collection of Wackery that didn't quite rise to that level:

...I mean, what a nightmare of a time that was to be president of the United States! His two terms must have felt like the rest of the world had inserted the Washington Monument into him and it was his job to heave it out....

...I hate my neighbors because of their very proximity, or at least I hate the ones that want to talk to me who aren't doctors or gun dealers or who don't have their own airplanes....

...If I have to visit someone, he had better either be in jail or the hospital, and to be honest I'd prefer jail. I do golf commentary on CBS and sometimes star in television commercials wherein I jump on a trampoline while wearing a skirt....

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...No, when I make it home, I slam the door behind me and peek out the letterbox to see if I've been spotted by any of the bastards who live nearby....

...Even with their Secret Service entourage, the Bushes are going to be besieged by herds of North Dallas McMansion-dwellers, more brown-nosed and full of BS than any longhorn. Nouveaux riche and face-lifted old-monied fossils alike will descend upon them like ants to the honeypot every time they set foot outside their door....

Feherty also offers us a brief glimpse into his political views:

I believe in the death penalty, especially for pro-lifers, child molesters, those opposed to gay marriage, and for stupid dancing in the end zone. I believe in the abolition of estate taxes and the Pickens Plan. I'd lower the legal drinking age and raise the driving age to 18 nationwide, make Kinky Friedman governor of Texas, and make all schools, public and private, start earlier with one hour of physical exercise.

So there you have it. Now you know what Crash Davis' "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days" monologue would have sounded like if it had been spoken by a thoroughly insane golf analyst, and not Kevin Costner.

UPDATE: CBS' Sports has responded, calling Feherty's column an "unacceptable attempt at humor."

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Comments

[Shavano]

Does this guy look like Faust?

[poco767c]

Mephistopheles
Faust was the man who made a pact with the devil (Mephistopheles)

[BlackYowe]

LOL

[calebrt]

Wow, as a soldier..this just blows my mind. A soldier would never speak this way about members of congress, at least to a media man. It's actually covered by the Uniform Code Of Military Justice. Disrespecting members of congress is a punishable offense. Obviously, most of my buddies lean to the right..but they're not insane. I can't believe that guy...

[bygollymissmolly]

That's what disturbed me most about this statement. The fact that he said a soldier would do something so heinous.

[terris]

We have NRA and military (yes, there are many - read your Vietnam history books if you can) nuts on one side who kill for fun and on the other side, we have comedians who tell off color jokes. I don't see much outrage over the actual killers. That's irony folks.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Feherty the Comedian -- when he's not a CBS sports commentator?

[terris]

Yep, Pelosi and Reid are both part of the problem. No doubt they both poured their blessings on water boarding too. And Franking Feinstein too, of course. All Bush leaguers.

[ac86]

He looks like Barnaby from the old old movie, Babes in Toyland

[jazzybo]

It seems certain people with fame want to make outrageous statements these days.It is nothing more than to get their names in the spotlight.Ignore these fools and they will go away.People that make such slurs are nothing more than irrelevant.

[GolfingDevil05]

David Feherty is a great golf commentator, and might even be one of the best commentators in all of sport. He's one of my favorite people in sport, and the sad thing is that this will overshadow a lot of the good work he has done to raise money for wounded returning soldiers.

That being said, there's no excuse for this comment. It's one thing to say he can't stand Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid. That's perfectly fine. It's an entirely different thing to say that an American serviceman would kill them if given a fair chance. I can't stand Dick Cheney, for example, but I wouldn't advocate the same fate for him that Feherty has advocated for Pelosi and Reid. It's reprehensible, and Feherty needs to apologize for it.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

The magazine also needs to explain why it printed what he wrote.

[terris]

We have NRA and military nuts (yes, there are many - read your Vietnam history books if you can) on one side who kill for fun and on the other side, we have comedians who tell off color jokes. I don't see much outrage over the actual killers. That's irony folks.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Headline for this story, IF written by an objective journalist:

CBS Golf Analyst Writes About Violent Murder of Pelosi, Reid.




(Writing the hed any other way is the fantasy.)

[Simon Templer]

Sure. Of course. Whatever you say. I believe you!

[adamsmith3]

That would only be written by a mor.onic journalist who can't tell the difference between a b.ad joke and a serious thr.eat. But since you have already made the final verdict that a different headline is fantasy, I'll just stop right there.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Labeling this an "insane Nancy Pelosi death fantasy" is subjective opinion.

With those five words in the hed -- which draws eyeballs to the story -- Jason or a copy editor altered, filtered, colored (choose your verb) the intent and impact of Feherty's original comments.

The most effective commentary provides the facts and lets the readers form their own opinions.

I don't call what Feherty wrote a "fantasy."

And, I wouldn't give cover to what Feherty wrote.

[Totto]

WESTINGHOUSE/CBS INC.: part of the Nuclear Utilities Business Group of British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL). Number one on the Board of Directors: Frank Carlucci (of the Carlyle Group). It's not your father's CBS, anymore. (from http://la.indymedia.org)

[kwinter]

What does what Feherty wrote have to do with CBS?

[Totto]

He is employed by them, i.e. paid his salary.

[BlackYowe]

Does this guy , David Feherty, look like Satan or what with that beard and eyebrows? He looks kinda like a 1960s velvet painting Satan.

[laocoon]

sounds like he is mostly just going for zany and off the wall. bad taste sometimes results but lets not insist on political correctness. i think it is foolish to take this foolishness at face value.

[jimfl]

Tell him at [e-mail]

[The Ghost]

Screw Golf.

It's elitist and a total waste of real estate.

Saint Carlin Speaks on the subject:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C7c-nZIyfc

[nichtviel]

Yeah put some housing projects up on the land and let the taxpayers use their green fees to feed the residents.

[Simon Templer]

Get a life.

[Koreboomer]

I golf.....I watch golf religiously, and I've always liked the humor and wit of David Feherty. He also makes good observations about the game. He did go over the top with some of these comments, but I'm sure he was just trying to be as wacky as possible. I give him credit for being in recovery (if indeed he still is). I don't know what prompted this rant of his, but overall, I think he's a pretty good guy.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Jason, sounds like you're laughing this off.

The way I read his words: Either Feherty is exposing a locker-room fear/hatred of powerful women on the part of some punk male members of the military, or he's exposing his own.

Either way, it's not funny.

[kwinter]

No, it's not funny.

But if you go to the original article, and read it, it had nothing to do with a "locker-room fear/hatred of powerful women".
http://www.dmagazine.com/2009/03/23/Welcome_Home_No_43.aspx
It lumped her & Reid together. Does he fear & hate Reid too, because he's a powerful man?

Call it hateful, but don't try to make it sexist! There's enough real sexism around. You don't have to insert it in places where it just isn't there.

[Project4NuBostonTeaParty]

Two bullets for Pelosi tells me she's the most valuable target to Feherty.

Reid and bin Laden = NO BULLETS.

What does that say to you?