Dickipedia: Perez Hilton

07/01/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
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Mario Armando Lavandeira (born March 23, 1978), better known by the dick pseudonym--or "dickonym"--Perez Hilton, is a bitchy, narcissistic, star-f**king leech with an active blogspot account and, incredibly, his own TV show on VH-1 (although to be fair, VH-1 gives shows to everyone, even Bret Michaels of Poison... even the girls who get dumped by Bret Michaels of Poison on his VH-1 show). Oh, lest we forget, Perez Hilton is a dick.

His celebrity gossip site, Perezhilton.com, is little more than a collection of illegally re-posted tabloid photos with stupid captions and doodles scrawled all over them. Oh, and sometimes he posts links to homemade sex tapes featuring famous people, many of whom are famous primarily for their appearance in said homemade sex tapes. He also outs various famous people, many of whom, again, are famous primarily for Perez Hilton outing them. Still, the site enjoys incredible popularity, ranking as the 491st most-trafficked website on the Internet (143rd within the U.S.). Of course, he's still getting his ass handed to him by LOLcats, that porno YouTube site, and MILFhunter.com.

It is hard to imagine someone who has done less than Perez Hilton to gain a similar level of notoriety; even Jared Fogle lost several hundred pounds. Maybe the "Can You Hear Me Now?" guy... or Bristol Palin. But that'd be about it.

Also, Perez Hilton nurtures a taste for dying his hair outlandish colors that would only be considered cool by gay men and fourteen-year-old girls, two groups whose tastes, oddly enough, mimic each other's quite closely.

Think of Perez Hilton as a younger, thinner Bruce Villanch, only without any writing talent.

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