Drudge Concerned Over Suspicious Mustache (And The Rest Of Your Scritti Politti)
Seems like it was only yesterday that I, along with the rest of the world, were setting our hair on fire in panic at the news on the Drudge Report that NBC News anchor Brian Williams had bowed to President Barack Obama, and then it was paranoia and prayer rugs for everybody! It took hours of aromatherapy and Klonopin smoothies to just get myself back to a calm place, where I could deal with day-to-day life again. But if you went to size up Matt Drudge's scooplets from today, look what was waiting for you:
WHAT? Obama's growing a mustache? No. NO! EVERYBODY PANIC! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Just look at that thing! That mustache, bold as love, laying on his lip! Look at that! Seriously, you have to look very hard. Just, look really closely at it. You know -- no, no! You're not doing it right! Try the original image. Hold your laptop up to the light. Now look at that picture...closer...closer...get up real tight, and if the light hits it, just the right way, you can just make out...NO I'M SORRY YOU CANNOT SEE THIS MUSTACHE AT ALL.
But now this mustache is on Drudge, so, even though you cannot see it, it's still going to WIN THE NEWSCYCLE, and Mark Halperin is going to try to write a book about it. So, we're left to ponder the implications of this mustache. Is Obama "going French?" Will he be appearing in 1970's porn films to please his wife, at the urgings of Rick Santorum? As fans of Star Trek know, the suspiciously sudden appearance of facial hair is a clear indication that a person has, through a transporter room mishap, been swapped with their evil counterpart from a "mirror" universe.
Good Lord! And Barack Obama has been compared to Spock! The prophesy is coming true! And I am OMFGing JUST AS HARD AS I CAN!!
[hat tip to Media Monitor George Furtado]
Iranian Comedy Fail: Cripes. Didn't Albert Brooks build a comedy bridge to the Muslim World or something? Because it's not working! The Iranian press is currently abuzz with worry over Kasper Hauser. They are under the impression that the group is a gang of noted "virtual reality 'terrorists'...cyber hackers" that "have plans to 'circulate President Barack Obama's private text messages.'" Actually, Kasper Hauser is "the comedy group that wrote the supremely funny parody of the SkyMall catalog called SkyMaul: Happy Crap You Can Buy From a Plane, and they have a new book out called Obama's Blackberry, which the Iranian media seems to think is some kind of terrorist hacker document."
Todd Akin, supergenius: Apparently there exists this thing called a "Todd Akin" who actually sits in Congress, opposing any sort of climate change legislation because he believes that climate change is nothing more than the changing of the seasons, from winter to spring, and he doesn't understand why anyone would want to stop that.
Reading is Fundamental: Apparently, President Barack Obama is struggling to keep pace with President George W. Bush's storied bookwormery. Via Daily Intel's Dan Amira:
Yesterday in an interview with the BBC, President Obama revealed that he's still chipping away at Joseph O'Neill's Netherland, the 270-page novel he's been reading since April. That's a fairly slow pace compared to his predecessor, George W. Bush, who, in competition with Karl Rove, would reportedly tear through 100 books a year.
Whether Obama's ability to keep up with Bush is indicative of a greater capacity for reading on Bush's part or simply due to the fact that Obama is actually trying to be President is something that History will have to judge, and bind in a book, which President Bush will almost certainly get around to reading first.
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First Posted: 06- 4-09 05:04 PM | Updated: 06- 4-09 06:27 PM