Mitt Romney Announces Essay Contest, Which Will Be A "Game Changer" (VIDEO)

07/12/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

What's this thing, on the YouTubes? From Wonkette comes Mitt Romney, who, while he "doesn't need to tell us that our nation faces a new generation of challenges," is SO TOTALLY going to tell us that anyway! His solution? Straight from the ovens at the GOP headquarters at Pie-Tanza: ESSAY CONTEST. What a frabjous idea that is, spun right from his robot mind!

Here's the dilly. Radical jihadists want to destroy you. All of you! Especially you. And up until now, what have YOU been able to do about it? Well now, you can finally get all pro-active up in this piece by straight up writin' some essays full of bromides!

ROMNEY: Here's what I'm asking you to do. Try answering this question: What does a free and strong America mean to me? And do it in two hundred and fifty words or less.

The person with the best answer will apparently win an "all expenses paid trip for two to Boston," to sit in his fancy-pants elite seats for a Boston Red Sox game, and then maybe you'll get to do yard work on one of Mitt's "sanctuary mansions" or something. No promises! Oh, and there's a fifty dollar entry fee, which will help Mitt Romney run for President.

Anyway, if you want to win this thing for sure, just make sure your 250-word essay contains the words, "Tax cuts!" written 125 times, and that the essay is titled Microtrends.

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