How Resilient Is Your Marriage?

nytimes.com:

They're done. Toast. The governor needs his head checked. His wife needs to launch his clothes from the bedroom window. Time for those two to get in line behind that "Jon & Kate Plus 8" couple and call this charade off.

The speculation over the future of the marriage of Mark Sanford, the South Carolina governor, after his recently disclosed affair is likely to die off well before the family's pain. So, too, will the unsolicited lectures -- about his hypocrisy, about her obligations, about the dire state of marriage in general.

Yet if recent research is any guide, the marriage itself has a chance to outlast all of it, the public leer and the private sting, by many years.

Read the whole story: nytimes.com

Comments

[phibma]

I agree with the NY Times article that, "Marriages appear to be stronger from the beginning.­" My wife and I got married just over a year ago and dispite all of the negative press associated with the high divorce rate, high infidelity rate, and high unhappiness rate we are still bold enough to believe we can make it work. It is not only us but many of our friends and aquantances that are starting their marriage stronger than ever. My wife and I recently started a blog and website dedicatd to promoting the existence of fun, fresh, and successful marriages because this is the what many people strive for.

[Pippen]

Just over a year ago ? Thats really not long enough to do combat time. The pressure starts after about 2.5 years. The arguement that just wont die. You know the one. You spent an extra hour after dinner having a cocktail with a client or Exec mgr to help your career and she/he thinks your flirting with people at work. You try to defend yourself but it just makes you sound guilty and the issue simply will not die. Every time you make a gender joke the spouse refers too your poor judgement from THAT night!!

I'm just making an example here but you start accumulating those type issue then have a real emergency like a massive medical bill out of no where and then you're contemplating moving in with family for a few months til your whole again and on and on and on it just keeps getting to be a pile on cluster fk combat zone.

THEN after 3- 5 years comes back to this article and fill in the blog about how your doing.

Good luck, I truly hope you inspire others around you and have great success.

[phibma]

We are truly aware of the obstacles that confront marriages and know that we are just starting to encounter ours. Nevertheless, we are prepared to take on any and all challenges and will be more than happy to inform the blog how things are going in 3-5 years.

[NoSillyName]

I suggest that you avoid jealous, insecure women.

[mollymom]

The common theme I am seeing in all the comments to the Sanford stories is those who support him all seem to want to rationalize their own behavior. "I only cheated once." Do you really want public acclaim for that? Only once? Wow, you're the man. What a catch!

[swan1]

People always blame men for being "dogs". If women are so pure, who are the men cheating with?

[NoSillyName]

False assumptions lead to faulty logic.

[Pippen]

I'm not sure I'm ready to believe "the affair" (plural ?) were unknown by all. My jury is out. Alot of political families are more of a business arrangement and in most cases the other spouse knows full well the other half is "free lancing their sexuality" with others. The agreement is to ensure in discretion. Which he breached. Now she has more power and can wield it to her advantage.

I'm not entirely convinced that monogamy is programmed into the male of human species. Being male myself I can say that after several years of marriage (my first and only of 7 years) that I was moved to accept advances from other women. I only cheated once and I was a devoted husband loyal to my commitment and we had a story book courtship and marriage. It shook my understanding of myself and men.

After years of analyzing and studying my actions and others, I'm leaning heavily towards believing men's mental program contains a "conquer all" line of code that will surface if given enough oxygen.

[BlackYowe]

Pippen, that is like saying you have no self control or ability to make any choices in your life and that you are preprogrammed to serve only your selfish interests. It just don't fly. We are all programmed to love fat and sugar but we don't have to eat that ice-cream cake or pizza do we? What a sad world we live in that we have resigned ourselves to being so week willed and selfish. The only thing that keeps us from cheating in marriage is a tight bond and sadly people are so lazy they just can't be bothered anymore to work at marriage. They have no imagination and cannot see the rewards.

[texhall00]

BlackYowe, Very well put and well said. I agree to.

[Pippen]

Self control over cake isn't on the same scale as a genetic drive. Years can pass and men can overcome this drive with a good family life, emotional connections to their children, wife, etc... but make no mistake. Eventually this drive will overcome their control efforts if you take an average guy and deprive him long enough, then throw a "meal" in front of him he cant resist.

Women can deny this program exists and create society that they want but like in Jurassic Park where Jeff Goldbloom says, "...life finds a way..." and that natural drive will feed itself.

I know this makes me sound like I'm cheating on women and hunting them at the hair salon but thats not it. I had a 10 year relationship after my marriage without infidelity that only ended when she died unexpectedly.

I am in a long term relationship again now years later and we just take it one day at a time with the understanding that given the right circumstance she or I may turn into a werewolf. We're not afraid and we communicate alot.

Lots of women walk around with this fantasy in their head they acquire from society and parents that never really comes true and they become disillusioned at midlife. It's what happens when you realize your mindset is contrary to reality. Children typically adapt quickly to new information but adults are like stone statues. To change their mind is the equivalent of breaking the statue.

[NoSillyName]

I get so tired of hearing that its all due to men's genes and biological need to spread their seed. That may have been valid in the early days of humankind, but now its just a lame excuse..

I believe in BRAINS over genitals. Self control, honor and respect.

Don't get married if you want to act single. Simple solution.

[Pippen]

You believe this trait was "bred" out of men over time ? Okay, lets see if scientists agree. You do some homework on male dna traits and give me a link or a source that supports your theory and I'll commit to reading it with an open mind.

You might start with "arginine vasopressin". It's the newest arguement in male geneology and mate continuity.

[washlib]

wrong, its about love, and respect. I have been married for nearly 20 years, and i have NEVER cheated(not even kissed another woman out of lust). It has been hard,and i definitely have had opportunity, but I respect my wife enough to NOT DO IT.

It is NOT in our genes, that is a friggen copout and you know it. Basically you are saying you don't have the ballz to restrain yourself, or respect/love your wife enough to stay true. If you had and established "open" relationship, then maybe i could see it.

Dont confuse moral cowardice with innate urges, it incriminates you everytime.

[Pippen]

"Moral Cowardice" ?

Innate Urges ?

washlib - good for you, apparently you've met your definition of "moral courage". I hope your wife appreciates your sacrifice to the male drive. Your a rarity. If you don't think so, do some homework reading on fidelity and divorce.

And for the record, my ballz are my business and they're spectacular but thanks for including them in your commentary.

I was in the Navy at the time and had been at sea for 6 months if you want more details.

You see washlib, I served my country for 4 years with distinction. That's where my "moral courage" went. So while your condemning the male species maybe you could check your own ballz and see if your wife nailed them to the fireplace or has then neatly tucked away in her jewelry box.

Let me know how the homework comes out.