Brownback And Landrieu Introduce Bill To Ban Mermaids

Great news, everyone! At some point last week, Senators Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) and Mary Landrieu (D-La.) must have finished fighting all the terrorists and repaired the economy and reversed all the bad unemployment trends, because how else could you explain the two of them introducing a law that would prohibit scientists from making mermaids and centaurs and Jersey devils and whatnot? Other than to conclude: these two senators are straight-up idiots, I mean? Who can say? Anyway, having just posted on Bigfoot, stand back as I try to WIN THE AFTERNOON with cryptozoology!

Glenn Thrush has all the news on the Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009:

Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) -- an ardent anti-abortion activist -- is worried that the Obama administration's loosening of restrictions on stem cell research will result in the creation of a new race of bio-engineered "human-animal" hybrid freaks.

Or beautiful mermaids.

The bill -- modeled on an inexplicably overlooked effort by Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal -- would ban the creation of "part-human, part-animal creatures, which are created in laboratories, and blur the line between species."

OKAY NOBODY FREAK OUT: "The legislation, Brownback said, 'is limited in scope' and wouldn't limit the use of some animal parts for human use, including porcine pig valves." OKAY? Everyone is still allowed to get freaky with some "porcine pig valves." (Aren't all "pig valves" porcine?)

Anyway, Brownback called the measure "philosophical and practical." His worries seem to have stemmed from his "background in agriculture," where folks have been working to genetically modify soybeans. Naturally, Brownback concluded that if we weren't careful, this could lead to the rise of the Minotaurs, or a similar Dr. Caligari-type moment where we'd be "setting a time-bomb that might detonate many generations down the line," which would force the CIA to have to waterboard a human genome until it confessed to the whereabouts of the were-people.

Brownback and Landrieu have twenty co-sponsors for the bill, all of whom should be paraded down Pennsylvania Avenue while citizens mock them and throw pig valves.

[Would you like to follow me on Twitter? Because why not? Also, please send tips to [e-mail] -- learn more about our media monitoring project here.]

Get HuffPost Politics On Facebook and Twitter!

Comments

[Gillian Madill]

08:15 AM on 07/15/2009

As mentioned below, Human-Animal Hybrid Bans have passed in Canada, Europe and Australia. This is actually an important issue that shouldn't be questioned, since outlawing the creation of human-animal hybrids follows simple human and animal bioethics. The US is one of the few countries in the world that does not have laws in place that prohibit the creation of human-animal hybrids or reproductive human cloning. These technologies are no longer science fiction -- the science exists to make these former fantasies a reality, and relying upon good actors in the scientific community is not enough. The people that want to pursue these dangerous technologies are not mainstream, typical scientists who are bound by existing NIH guidelines but outliers who want to push the ethical envelope and redefine what it means to be human.

There are many pressing issues that need legislative action, including important climate and health care policies which require much debate. This bill, however, should not distract from those issues but rather move quickly since it only aims to protect human health and animal rights, which are values that most everyone can agree are important, regardless of political affiliation. It will not restrict or stop any existing promising medical research. Instead of poking fun at Brownback and Landrieu, we should be seriously questioning the other legislators why they are not supporting this important bill.

[disintaGreatNation]

10:16 AM on 07/15/2009

Excellent points, Gillian. Thank you.

[metricfan]

10:51 PM on 07/15/2009

exactly my thoughts! It can't hurt to just put it on the books that we will not tolerate people crossing humans with any other species, and if the law is stupid fifty years from now we can change it. In the mean time, we should establish our cultural standards in bioethics.

[magicat]

09:23 PM on 07/14/2009

You know just when I had thought I had heard everything these moronic, forever watching our morals repubs come up with. Here is this gem. I just don't believe it.
Personally I think there has already been some animal/human DNA interaction amongst repubs over the years. The ole fashioned way.

[disintaGreatNation]

10:17 AM on 07/15/2009

No, it's good to vilify, scoff, and embrace conspiracy theories. I'm totally with you on that.

[RZoroaster]

07:22 PM on 07/14/2009

Look, I'm no conservative, but I guess I'm not seeing why this bill is worthy of mockery. I mean, obviously he wasn't referring to mermaids and centaurs. As I understand it splicing animal gene sequences in with human DNA would be very possible during the cloning process. As someone getting a graduate degree in medical sciences I have heard this issue discussed several times. Unless this isn't already illegal, I would support the effort to make it so. Not that I think mainstream scientists are on the verge of traveling down that road, but its certainly not outside the realm of possibility that someone could do it.

Am I missing something?

[disintaGreatNation]

12:21 AM on 07/15/2009

No worry. If there were ethical issues and international standards regarding the use of human genetic material in recombinant DNA technology, Jason Linkins would have mentioned it. In a similar vein, if there had been valid questions about the legality of the U.S. invasion of Iraq, the U.S. mass media would have brought them to our attention.

[JaydeeHanson]

06:50 PM on 07/14/2009

The Canadian Assisted Reproduction Act contains provisions almost identical to those in the Brownback legislation. Canada extensively reviewed the legislation; held hearings around the country and had two readings of the bill in Parliament before it was passed. Very similar bills have passed in Europe and Australia. Let's not let our dislike of someone's region (i.e. Kansas or Louisiana) keep us from carefully reviewing what they are actually proposing.

Canada prohibits making chimeras in a variety of ways:

4. This Act is binding on Her Majesty in right of Canada or a province.

Prohibited procedures

5. (1) No person shall knowingly

(g) transplant a sperm, ovum, embryo or foetus of a non-human life form into a human being;

(h) for the purpose of creating a human being, make use of any human reproductive material or an in vitro embryo that is or was transplanted into a non-human life form;

(i) create a chimera, or transplant a chimera into either a human being or a non-human life form; or

(j) create a hybrid for the purpose of reproduction, or transplant a hybrid into either a human being or a non-human life form.

[LeaderofMen]

05:06 PM on 07/14/2009

Brownback wouldn't know philosophical if Jesus himself presented a philosophical case to him.

[j-racqoon70]

05:01 PM on 07/14/2009

Lunacy!

[Mike Barden]

04:12 PM on 07/14/2009

but he gotta have someone to marry.

[labman]

03:44 PM on 07/14/2009

These are the elected officials that we trust to make laws for the good of the people.
We have turned the country over to the psychotics that play on fear and anger. It's only a matter of time before we bring back the Which trials, and burn people at the stake.

[IndelibleVoice]

03:43 PM on 07/14/2009

LMAO... oh, I can't believe I almost missed this!

[IbeHappy]

03:29 PM on 07/14/2009

Of the last 52 years in Kansas, the governor has been a democrat 32 of those years and a republican only 20 years of that time. Even though Kansas is conservative and right wing as are most midwest and plains farm states, and tends to put Republicans into national office, the state does seem to think that Democrats make good governors, even when the candidate is lashed for being pro choice.

Kansas has had some strange stuff put through in the past few years, but the quality and level of education there is far better than a number of other states.

As the saying goes, though, it's a nice place to be from.

[disintaGreatNation]

03:07 PM on 07/14/2009

The opening passage of the UDHR provides: "Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, . . ."

Unless proven otherwise, chimera that carry human genetic material should be considered "members of the human family."

[Mike Barden]

04:17 PM on 07/14/2009

Chim Cimmany Chim Chim Chary

[clemenj98]

03:07 PM on 07/14/2009

I had to double-check to make sure this wasn't a comedy piece. What a joke!

[poster1122]

02:57 PM on 07/14/2009

Actually, this is a much more serious issue than what people here think it is. There's actually work going on in parts of the world on human-animal hybrid embryos. This area is called chimera research, where human genetic material is placed into animal eggs.

Those of you who remember dolly the sheep remember that one sheep's DNA was injected into another sheep's evacuated egg. That's basically the same process involved in chimera research, except that the egg is not another human's egg.

The big concern here is that the sheep cloning research produced lots of failed embryos before Dolly. Moreover, Dolly itself was found to have genetic anomalies because part of its genes were "old" which is suspected in a number of health problems.

One of the big worries is that unethical scientists could use this research to produce infants with all sorts of genetic problems. The Raelins, for instance, think it's a great idea; fortunately they appear short of scientists with the required skills. But they have deep pockets...

[IbeHappy]

03:06 PM on 07/14/2009

Seems to me there's a lot of sheepish people in the Republican party. Follow follow bleat bleat.

Could it be?

[PeterGSW]

02:48 PM on 07/14/2009

This is a waste of committee time. The sponsors of this bill should have their pay diminished by the equivalent hours spent on this fluff. They can discuss and vote on this stuff, but we don't have to pay them for it. "Philosphical bills" area pointless, onanistic exercise that will bury the public good in worthless paper.

Is there no other crisis in agriculture or the economy that deserves to be addressed in a timely way?

[VirginiaDreaming]

02:46 PM on 07/14/2009

Almost every human is carrying genes that have been transferred to us by a virus. Does that mean that every person is illegal (a human-viral mixture)? This is what happens when ignorant people try to write laws about things they don't understand.
As a high school biology teacher, I can explain to him why this is a silly, irrelevant idea. There is something shameful about a US Senator who knows less about science than a high school teacher, and is apparently unwilling to consult (or listen to) anyone who understands genetic engineering.

[disintaGreatNation]

03:09 PM on 07/14/2009

You used the term, human. As a high school biology teacher, how do you define "human."

[southernsenior]

12:31 AM on 08/09/2009

It is more 'shameful' that such intelligent people: teachers, etc. cannot spend as much time getting smarter ekected to the US Senate. Haven't we old people taught you nothin' ???