Military EATR: Contractor Working On Horrifying Corpse-Eating Robots [UPDATE]

UPDATE: Good news, via FastCompany. Fox, who was the source of this terrifying story, now says, "contrary to reports, including one that appeared on FOXNews.com, the EATR will not eat animal or human remains." FastCompany notes that this "makes Fox News seem like a passive victim of commonly circulated facts." But...

But Fox News actually originated the meme by surmising that dead bodies would be a logical source of food, since they'd be numerous on the battlefield. Sadly, they've completely taken down the offending story rather than correcting it at the bottom (as less fair, less balanced news sources do).

Cyclone Engine, who manufactures the EATR power source, issues a press release that insisted the device would be herbivorous: "EATR runs of fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips ... desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone, or Robot Technology."

But at some point, don't all robots eventually turn on their masters and start devouring human flesh? Guess we'll find out!

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It's not everyday that a person gets to blog about how military contractors are developing terrifying, ironically named robots, which will roam around, feasting on dead flesh until the day comes that they will rise up and kill us all, but guess what? Today is one of those days:

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find -- grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

You know, my editors frown on me for swearing, for good reason, but in this case: SERIOUSLY, PENTAGON, WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I am having a really hard time trying to figure out what the military purpose of a robot that eats dead bodies is. Maybe the idea is these robots will make it difficult for independent observers to quantify casualties? Maybe President Sarah Palin will nominate one to the Supreme Court? The article states that EATR is a "platform" that things could be "built upon" -- like an "ambulance" or a "mobile gunship." But it seems to me that the ambulances and gunships we have now are perfectly okay, and, at any rate, DON'T MAKE MY SOUL HURT.

Speaking of:

The advantages to the military are that the robot would be extremely flexible in fuel sources and could roam on its own for months, even years, without having to be refueled or serviced.

So then: some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. But it looks like it's going to end in a hail of white-hot terror at the hands of marauding, corpse-eating Roombas.

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Comments

[ConfuciusSay-]

The bodies do not have to be dead to be used as a fuel source.

Just so the full horror can be appreciated.

[donaldinks]

"The system obtains its energy by foraging " engaging in biological­ly-inspire­d, organism-like, energy-harvesting behavior which is the equivalent of eating. It can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources)..."

Hey...can they get a car made that will do the same?
....just asking...

[dream9]

Yeah, like if your Hummer could just snatch a pedestrian at a crosswalk once or twice a week to power itself. .

[Telemachus]

I ride a bike. No wonder they always eye me suspiciously.

[Gib]

Excellent! It would target the obese, of course.

[Kremfresch]

You libs are at it again!! God, Guns, and Flesh Eating Killer Robots made America GREAT, let's keep all three!

[CptKendrick]

Hey that would actually make a great bumper sticker to slap on the rear of these things!

[Ira7]

I think this is the coolest idea ever. Where can I buy one?

We need a few hundred here in Florida just to clean up ROAD KILL.

And Tallahassee.

[ramal]

Why bother? We are only a couple of decades away from eating the bodies ourselves. "Soylent Green" is closer than you think.

[ROFLMAO]

I for one welcome our flesh-eating robot overlords...

[Propagandhi]

I love you Kent Brockman.

[Greg Mount]

I wouldn't worry too much about the cannibal androids conquering the universe. From what I hear they will only eat the elderly, the disabled, and the "illegals".

[elaygee]

I think they'll develope a taste for Creepublicans real fast.

[in4success]

my understanding is they'll have an appetite for the elderly, the disabled and the moronic... pretty much the GOP base.

[hypathia]

I don't see why we're wasting so much time developing flesh-eating robots when we *should* be channeling that creative energy into DNA and stem cell research programs to figure out how to make a zombie uprising a reality. Flesh-eating robots are cool, sure, but flesh-eating undead are way *way* cooler, especially if they're someone you knew personally, like the local priest, an ex-boyfriend who always wears a letterman jacket, the girl who recently went to check out the attic all by herself, etc. We need some rational priorities in our science programs, for god's sake!

[in4success]

you're marked as a FAV!!!!! ---hey, you didn't get into my screenplay folder, did you?

[Greg Mount]

Excuse me, but SOME people still have enough moral fiber to be appalled by your suggestion that we murder all those precious stem cells, when we have the technology to create legions of flesh devouring automatons without harming a single stem cell. I for one say we retool all those vacant GM plants and let Hummer, Pontiac, and Buick compete for cannibal android market dominance.

[neocon666]

So that's how it's going to end: flesh eating robots with artificial intelligence will see the entire human race as it's fuel supply.

[Dynamohum]

The Matrix.

[benji85]

The day that we all feared has come, robot zombies are here.

[rextrek]

...and what is the purpose of this? Besides to waste Taxpayers money $$$$$ ..huh???

[amdezurik]

only one possible reason:terror

[SouPro]

Do biomass eating robots need an purpose beyond the obvious?

[TFlint]

They will be sold at gun shows.

[onnyang]

(snicker)...

[A Concerned Citizen]

Coming from a military prespective this could be a very good idea. Remember the concept of this thing eating bodies is not the main expressed intent. The expressed intent is to use biomass. The author of the article expresses the idea that this thing could use the dead for fule. Also anything that can do the job of some 19 year old kid and prevent him from getting shot up is a good thing in my book. And do me a favor friends, if you would. There are pleanty of problems in the Pentagon, but it is the House, Senate, and the President who declare war. Those in the Pentagon have influence, but they are not the ones who cut the orders.

[Lilith33]

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

Arent there laws about the bodies?you cant just eat them....

[StansDad]

*nom nom nom nom* what?

[Pavane]

He he

[Octoberluna]

so freaking funny folks thanks for the wit - this thread is hilarious

They set 'em up - we provide the punchline

EATr - seriously you people and your acroyms...if ain't got a cute moniker the it ain't American!