Military EATR: Contractor Working On Horrifying Corpse-Eating Robots [UPDATE]

UPDATE: Good news, via FastCompany. Fox, who was the source of this terrifying story, now says, "contrary to reports, including one that appeared on FOXNews.com, the EATR will not eat animal or human remains." FastCompany notes that this "makes Fox News seem like a passive victim of commonly circulated facts." But...

But Fox News actually originated the meme by surmising that dead bodies would be a logical source of food, since they'd be numerous on the battlefield. Sadly, they've completely taken down the offending story rather than correcting it at the bottom (as less fair, less balanced news sources do).

Cyclone Engine, who manufactures the EATR power source, issues a press release that insisted the device would be herbivorous: "EATR runs of fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips ... desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone, or Robot Technology."

But at some point, don't all robots eventually turn on their masters and start devouring human flesh? Guess we'll find out!

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It's not everyday that a person gets to blog about how military contractors are developing terrifying, ironically named robots, which will roam around, feasting on dead flesh until the day comes that they will rise up and kill us all, but guess what? Today is one of those days:

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find -- grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

You know, my editors frown on me for swearing, for good reason, but in this case: SERIOUSLY, PENTAGON, WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I am having a really hard time trying to figure out what the military purpose of a robot that eats dead bodies is. Maybe the idea is these robots will make it difficult for independent observers to quantify casualties? Maybe President Sarah Palin will nominate one to the Supreme Court? The article states that EATR is a "platform" that things could be "built upon" -- like an "ambulance" or a "mobile gunship." But it seems to me that the ambulances and gunships we have now are perfectly okay, and, at any rate, DON'T MAKE MY SOUL HURT.

Speaking of:

The advantages to the military are that the robot would be extremely flexible in fuel sources and could roam on its own for months, even years, without having to be refueled or serviced.

So then: some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. But it looks like it's going to end in a hail of white-hot terror at the hands of marauding, corpse-eating Roombas.

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Comments

[dls8649]

Maybe we could find the room in the Pentagon where they think this stuff up and put some of these robots in there. Then lock the door until the screaming stops.

[HanSolomente]

I'm pretty sure I saw Steve Austin fight this thing back on the Six Million Dollar Man. Remember this?

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/bionic/images/1/19/2nd_probe.jpg

[Lilith33]

And what exactally are they expecting?

[rich misty]

Armageddon from the sounds of it.

[Lilith33]

Noshit!

[SouPro]

That no one will want to deal with an obese nation will killer eating robots. Instead of smoking terrorist out of caves our robot slaves will be eating them out of those caves. Osama bin Laden: Dead or Eviscerated!

[edwoodjr]

So, where how does it "poop"? It must have someway of "expelling" the "nondigest­ibles"....­..........­..
Who wants to start a "Robot Diaper" business?

[bobbyperu]

How bout a Robot Port-O-Potty business?

[Eraser]

That is seriously ****ed up.

The technology to have something run off of such a flexible array of things for fuel is amazing in technological achievment. But the thinking of making a battlefield robot eating corpses is just derranged.

[Lilith33]

The advantages to the military are that the robot would be extremely flexible in fuel sources and could roam on its own for months, even years, without having to be refueled or serviced.


O.K. and we cant get over 60 miles per gallon?HELLO?

[smithnya]

Jeez, these guys developing those gizmos must play Command and Conquer 24/7.

[Lilith33]

If only they did we would all be better off.

[ReesieKitty]

Obviously we need to put more money and time into THIS technology- then we can all have cars powered by roadkill!!!

[Fudgefase]

Yes - when can we get the technology under the bonnet of the car......

or has Stephen King done that one already?

[JohnJames]

I'm absolutely certain we can rest assured that this robot would at least, somehow, be able to distinguish dead people from wounded people.

[ewoman]

You have that much faith in contractors under the Pentagon?

[jaxpagan]

Sure. Dead people are fuel. Wounded people are going to be fuel.

[ATSJer]

Or sleeping ones.

[bobsee]

How could you be "absolutely certain we can rest assured" about anything with regard to this. Do you work for this contractor and know the details intimately.

[Indedave]

LOL. Good 'un.

[tsicby]

It used to be that men in uniform would honor those who had fallen in battle, including their opponents. Now we just grind them up for fuel? These people in the Pentagon are not soldiers, they're Wallstreet with guns. Makes me sick.

[raven119]

And Brownback And Landrieu are worried about mermen and wereowls? It sounds like the Republicans are playing a shell game here. Look, look, mermen! Ignore the flesh-eating robots. Look, look wereowls.

[ReesieKitty]

LOL, raven911

[bobsee]

They are both things to worry about. And no, its not "mermen and wereowls", these are simply distractions. Its the genetic alterations they are doing to our food supply such as adding fish DNA to strawberrys (so they won't freeze) and many other things that we are not even aware of (which they don't have to mention anywhere on the packaging).

[LMPE]

Is Michael Bay going to turn this into a really bad movie?

[raven119]

Does he make any other kind?

[burndtdan]

"biomass" does not mean dead bodies. this is nothing but a steam powered robot that will shove pieces of wood/coal/whatever into it's own furnace.

[ReesieKitty]

'biomass' is anything inherently organic in a given space. ANYTHING- plants, minerals, animals...­.

[Fudgefase]

Now we know what's meant by the quick and the dead....

[Tundrapat]

Alright everyone, calm down now. Since being squeezed out in a dark alley some 36 years ago, I've been living largely on a diet of vermin and corpses.

If a diet of dead bodies is good enough to fuel this proud, patriotic US citizen, then it's good enough for our man-eating Army robots!

[HisPetGoat]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9H_cI_WCnE

[DavidL88]

The far right loves this. Unmanned killing machines are the future, baby.

War profiteers + Their Lobbyists + Palin/Cheny type politicians + Media manipulation by Murdoch, etc. = boom... 100 million or so 3rd World nobodies die and companies like Haliburton, Blackwater, and other war profiteers get FILTHY rich.

Throw in a 911 type of attack on US soil and Americans won't even debate it.

As long as our 401k's go up, and not very many Americans get killed like in Vietnam and Iraq, there is NO downside.

Oh, but don't even think about aborting a 2 inch American fetus. That's anti-christian.

[Heavy]

According to its creators, it will have military AND civil applications. Yikes. Hope it doesn't decide we are expendable competition for its fuel sources. This deserves to be a horror movie. Think I'll write it.