POLITICS
08/16/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Sarah Palin Now Just Twittering About Bears

Ever since Sarah Palin decided to quit her job as governor of Alaska, so that she could experience the difference-making me-time that would restore America to greatness, people have wondered what she will do next, career-wise. Become the Red State Oprah? Run for President? Flip flop on Cap and Trade? She's just so inscrutable! The one thing that she made clear, however, was that she was going to continue to use Twitter to send random thoughts out into the ether. Lately, she's been burning a hole in Wikiquote, but yesterday, she abruptly started tweeting about bears. And if you look past the surface, a whole world of subtext is revealed, which we have happily translated.

Great day w/bear management wildlife biologists; much to see in wild territory incl amazing creatures w/mama bears' gutteral raw instinct to

"The animal kingdom! Whose denizens know that if they so much as even dream about slapping me with an ethics violation I will turn them into a throw rug."

protect & provide for her young; She sees danger?She brazenly rises up on strong hind legs, growls Don't Touch My Cubs & the species survives

"Suck it, media! That will teach Shannyn Moore to blog about bears! Also: I am responsible for the survival of the human race, now."

& mama bear doesn't look 2 anyone else 2 hand her anything; biologists say she works harder than males, is provider/protector for the future

"Yeppers! Me and these ladybears are goin' Galt!"

Yes it was another outstanding day in AK seeing things the rest of America should see; applicable life lessons we're blessed to see firsthand

"I believe that the best of America is in these bears, which we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of bear-dung, what I call the real America, the pro-America areas of this great nation. Sigh. Maybe we will just secede from the Union! You don't know!"

Anyway, in response to all of the attention they have received, all the bears quit their jobs today.

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