Passion iPhone App Rates How Good You Are In Bed

Lovers around the world be warned: just going through the motions in bed may no longer cut it, because your partner may now have a way to find out if you're truly giving it your all.

At least that would seem to be the promise behind a new application launched for the iPhone that rates people's performance in the sack, the Telegraph reports. The app, called "Passion" works as so:

Users simply start the programme, strap the phone to their arm or belt, and press 'stop' when lovemaking is over.

The programme then gives a rating from 'bad' to 'perfect' on three criteria - duration, activity, and orgasm.

Duration is monitored by the phone's timer, activity through the 'accelerometer' motion sensor, and orgasm via the microphone.

The most amusing line in the product description--or, depending on your outlook, the most terrifying--is the suggestion that post-intercourse "you can go online and see how well you did against the rest of the world." To see just how it rates you, check out the screengrab below.

The Passion app is hardly the only iPhone app whose novelty might make you laugh. Here is a slideshow of 10 other 'inappropriate iPhone apps ("The Pick-Up Guide" anyone?) for your amusement.

Comments

[fed U]

01:05 PM on 07/29/2009

hmmmm

good articles http://www.iamned.com

[Sundialsvc4]

09:32 PM on 07/28/2009

:-D

I have an iPhone. But I =do not= take it to bed with me.

:-D

[Perry Clease]

12:24 PM on 07/29/2009

Get one of these http://www.ohmibod.com/ohmibod.html

[desertdweller]

04:36 PM on 07/28/2009

Don't have an iPhone - don't need an iPhone - don't want an iPhone

have lot's of great sex - so I have been told :)

[Wisdems]

03:48 PM on 07/28/2009

Gah, all I can think about is the rush of young people to try this out. Omg if it becomes the new 'thing' to do.

[dmyron]

03:30 PM on 07/28/2009

Glad this was not around when i was young enough to use it.....

[yakmeat]

01:14 PM on 07/28/2009

Ummmm....wow. I'm just trying to imagine the response I might get if I interrupted foreplay and said, "Just a minute - I have to set my iPhone."

If you need a digital device to "rate" your performance, you're obviously focused on the wrong thing. Did your partner enjoy the experience? Did you? Does anything else matter?

[bigsexyshaq]

01:02 PM on 07/28/2009

Turn an iPhone off with that app set up when it gets unlocked, put it in a time capsule, and wait 100 years. When that generation finds the time capsule (it will make loud noises), they will see this app and find that we were very insecure about sexual performance.

[Perry Clease]

12:26 PM on 07/29/2009

People will probably still be insecure about it.

[butofcourse]

12:55 PM on 07/28/2009

If you are strapping on your iPhone to your arm right before sex...you are probably terrible in bed.

[Malkin71]

03:40 PM on 07/28/2009

Sure...but now you can QUANTIFY it.

[rivahcat]

12:39 PM on 07/28/2009

In the ocean of current human intelligence, it seems one would barely get one's feet wet.

Sheesh.

[bigsexyshaq]

01:03 PM on 07/28/2009

The least you can say about it is that it looks like other iPhone apps. At least they tried to make it look professional. That with a mountain of things wrong with it.

[littlepuffycloud]

12:38 PM on 07/28/2009

Don't know which is more pathetic:
1. The app itself
2. The person that wrote it.
3. The people who will actually try it.
4. The people who will try it alone to fake out the program.

[Copeword]

01:15 PM on 07/28/2009

I hope people don't cheat.

[rigveda]

12:06 PM on 07/28/2009

What a f**king world...where's Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?

[billyfromphilly]

12:03 PM on 07/28/2009

Great, the nation full of people that can't locate Iraq on a map, have another useless thing to spend their time on. My God we freaking suck.

[bigsexyshaq]

01:08 PM on 07/28/2009

We do suck but we could suck worse. That should be our motto, if we choose to get some perspective eventually.

[littlepuffycloud]

10:18 PM on 07/28/2009

yep, we could suck much worse. I love your perspective.

[WasteNJ]

11:52 AM on 07/28/2009

What if your girl isn't a screamer? How are you supposed to get a 10 like that?

[aftershock]

12:11 PM on 07/28/2009

That usually means you're doing something wrong lol, jk

[MyNameIsJames]

12:47 PM on 07/28/2009

You are not living up to your full potential. A few tips such as jogging for cardio. Leg crunches for leg power. Put your legs on the wall and push off if need be...

Also you need to strengthen your hip action - focus on shorter more powerful movements - again bring the legs into the full movement that is where the power lies - it will become audible!

Finally shorten the distance between pelvises - make sure that pelvises are touching most of the time.

Good luck

[dnddays]

11:47 AM on 07/28/2009

More Crapps. Crappy Apps. What a fine way to spend the $2,000 or so your iPhone cost you.

[therblig]

11:17 AM on 07/28/2009

Where do you enter the number of participants (1,2)? Uh, not for me, no way, but this friend of mine wants to know...

[Mike Barden]

12:02 PM on 07/29/2009

And what if you have 5 or 6?