Soldier Returning From Iraq Not Allowed To See Her Daughter

New York Times:

During the 10 months she was deployed in Iraq, Leydi Mendoza, a 22-year-old specialist in the New Jersey National Guard, did everything she could think of to ease her longing for the year-old daughter she had left back home.

Read the whole story: New York Times

Comments

[dadw5boys]

Listen to all of you OUTRAGED over how this woman is being treated !!!!!!!!!

But if you hear the name Ayers you are ready to call him a traitor !

All he was Ayers was doing was trying to make Americans realize the TRUTH !

The USA was the invador in Vietnam and we men who were there fighting had been lies too !!!

The USA created the name South Vietnam it never existed till then !!!

How crazy Americans are makes me ill at times they do not know History but they excite so easy over small things a good lawyer and newpapers storys can turn arounf really fast.

[WonderfulLife]

Sorry, but there's some huge pieces of information missing about this story that would have fleshed this story out more and helped us readers understand the situation more fully. It's just not passing the smell test. So I think anyone trying to come down with an opinion about this story is going to have to interject a lot of their own beliefs about "what might have happened" on the dad's and mom's sides because it just doesn't make sense, from a legal or moral standpoint.
Which, in my humble opinion, is a waste of your time and mine to try and 'guess' what really happened.

[frogluv73]

Screw these wars!!! Just leave Blackwater over there (without the America flag) and bring our troops home!!! They want to kill, let them attempt to survive without our military backup. If this country, this "fine" Christian nation cared so damn much about family, they'd do more for people like this. But they don't, probably because she's a single, unwed mother. Damn this patriarchal society!

[Golden Ticket]

What a horrible woman. Not only should she not be able to see this kid ever again, she should be sterilized as she is clearly unfit to parent a child.

[dessertsfirst]

Now THEREs a compassionate conservative response for you!

[OrganOfThought]

she tried to get the father fired from his job

[dadw5boys]

you need a tour in Afganistan !!!!!

[demfriend]

The one thing people forget is once you sing on the line to enter the military the military owns your ass and your time/future until you are no longer a part of it. This means fathers and mothers both deploy and they stay deployed until the military brings them home. Some have some time to re-intergrate back into society and their family some do not have much before they are off to train on something else and often not too close to home to go home at night. There are grim and harsh reality issues all of these parent who are active in their kids lives have to deal with and seperation from any child any age brings about so many emotional issues and the longer deployments cost a lot more emotionally. I have seen huge grown men cry at the thought of having to spend any more time away than they have too and stop loss has left many marriages shakey as well as the kids learning who the person is who came back. Those with PTSD are not the parent that left too. Sad for the mom here as the military held the cards she was given and the father should not hold the kid hostage from his anger either.

[Realitylost]

To the several posters on this thread who are saying this poor woman made a career choice to leave her child and this her own fault.

SHE JOINED THE NATIONAL GUARD!

She didn't enlist in the regular army. She joined the one weekend a month, two weeks in the summer plan. It is not her fault she was activated and sent to Iraq.

She was basically drafted, but I guess most of you maybe don't understand the difference.

[xansam]

no, when you join the Guard you understand that at any moment you may be activated to full military duty. But if the attitude is to bad you are on your own, women (and men) should have the right to opt out (and repay) what they have been trained for. Serving your country does not negate your right to being a parent.

[SouthernYankeeBelle]

Anyone who signs understands what happens. If the recruiter screwed her over than she may have a chance to get out. I had a nephew that happened to and he was able to get out.

[research]

These sounds horrible.

[sunnyjane]

Boo, hiss! How DARE such a thing happen to this woman? The courts should FORCE the couple (with counselling, perhaps) to share custody. This is not fair to a mother (OR FATHER) who went off to serve our country.

[momcat4obama]

This kind of case is why I stopped doing Family Law - not military aspect of it, but the fact that one parent or the other will decide that what is "best for the child" is to not have contact with the other parent. Absolutely insane. There are so few cases where that allegation is true. Children deserve both parents in their lives. My ex & I divorced when our daughter was 3. We shared parenting duties and visitation with her - both going to parent-teacher conferences, school programs, high school graduation, college graduation (which meant the 2 of us drove from Western Washington to Pullman, Washington - almost Idaho - together), and her wedding. She never felt that she lost either one of us. I truly believe that joint custody/parenting should be the norm, and anything less should be reserved for situations where one parent is proven to be so abusive - emotionally or physically - as to be a harm to the child.

[Icantbelieveher]

You are one of the lucky ones -- my husband now does not see his children at all after a custody battle that cost us $30,000. We had so much proof, but the child advocate wanted to prolong the case in order to get more $$$$ and we just ran out of money. The courts wouldn't enforce his visitation time. The one who suffers the most is the daughter, because Mommy refuses to allow her a relationship with her father. She's not passing in school and no one does anything about it!

Not all parents love their children more than they hate their ex! It is sad!

[CommonSenseMom]

This is tragic. Terrible. I feel horrible for this mother and especially the child.

Let this story be proof that military and children do not mix. If you are going into the military DONT have kids...wait until you are out. 22 years old is very young to have a baby and be splitting up from the father. The whole thing sounds like a hot mess. It will be the child who pays the price.

[Realitylost]

Except that she only went in the National Guard. She was certainly sold the same bill of goods I was sold in high school. One weekend a month, two weeks in the summer. I am sure spending a year in Iraq was not part of her plan.

[layman]

This is the legacy of fighting a war for the war profiteers, a war for no good reason. This is Collateral damage created by the Bush Administration.

[SouthernYankeeBelle]

Yeah, it sure is. They should bring the draft back.

[RACVC]

So this guy's attorney is an expert on parenting and child development? How dare he declare that the child would be harmed by contact with her mother - based on what? What's up with the court?
This story is outrageous. Our returning Vets deserve so much better.
How can we help this mother and child?

[fiorastar]

We don't know the details from this article, but it didn't sound as if the father were saying she would be harmed by CONTACT with her mother...it sounded like they were saying the child might be harmed by being placed in her mother's home in an equally shared custody situation. This mom is essentially a stranger to her baby girl. Mom made a choice when she had the baby, and made a different choice when she entered the military. It is sad and sick that our nation's military is now promoting this and even forcing it on women who have children, but we ALL must make choices when we become mothers. I gave up several lucrative opportunities that would have been perfect were I a single woman with no family obligations, but once I became a mother, my primary job was to my baby. And if I had left for a year of that baby's life, I would not expect others who cared for that baby to suddenly hand her over--that would be hard on the girl.

[kbkw54]

How many more American parents and children are out there that have had their lives wrecked because of these wars?? This is outrageous !!!

[SouthernYankeeBelle]

You act like these people don't know what is going on. I have told many young people who want to join. I tell them to be sure that is what you want because you will be going to war. Sooner or later you will go.

[OkieIntellectual]

Someone needs to tell this 22-yr-old kid that he lacks both the intelligence and experience to make this kind of decision. than someone needs to take him out and curb-stomp him until he gets the message that you simply do not screw with our troops. Same thing for all of you who are saying that she is a bad mother and is getting what she deserves, etc. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.

[fiorastar]

A mother's PRIMARY job is to her child, especially when that child is a baby in the most formative months of her life. There is a REASON women are biologically connected through hormonal response mechanisms, breastfeeding, etc, to their babies--because that is what the BABY needs! If there is a case where separation is unavoidable, that is one thing, but even then, the little girl, who is still a baby, by the way, will not know her mother or see her as a person she has a bond with. That bond needs to be carefully reformed. It is not the baby's fault that mama decided military service was more important than the bond with her baby in her baby's first year of life.

[SouthernYankeeBelle]

To be honest with you I have know female soldiers that do get out because they realize it is hard to be a good parent and a good soldier. It doesn't make a difference if they are single or married. I have know both to get out for that reason alone.

[OkieIntellectual]

So because the mother chose to be an honorable American citizen and live up to the obligation and oath she took to serve her country, she sohuld be demonized? Wow, I guess we don't all have the same values. Some of us actually care about things like integrity, character, and sacrifice for the greater good. Some of us understand that "fair" is not an applicable concept outside of business and organized sports. Some of us still believe in the ideals that made this nation so great to begin with, such as service and giving a damn about something greater than one's self.

Your faulty and quite selfish logic makes me weep for the future.

[noneIn2008]

More of the destruction of the wars that we continue. Add this type of destruction to the lost resources to our nation. Get us out of the wars, now.

[Jaywalkker]

At least once a day I can come across a HuffPo headline that is misleading. This one fits that bill perfectly. This is about a custody dispute, even the NYT headline says that, but the HuffPo paraphrasing makes it sound like upon return from service, the govt or military is keeping her from her daughter for unknown reasons.

[loki]

And why do they have a photo of a male solder when its about a female solder?

[juhar]

The HuffPo headline is spot on. Abandonment which the husband claims for the child not to know who her mother is results from mandatory military service.

The US military through backdoor policies takes one or both parents from child without regards to the interest of the child or parent - now parents may face losing custody and their children over military service.

This is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard.

Something must be done immediately in this case and all others.

[NavyMom44]

This soldier sent funds for her daughter needs the entire time, they essentially used her as she aid all their bills she talked to her (she was not in combat zone) so she recognized her voice. Yes I understand her daughter cried the when she returned but he NEVER gave her chance to bond once again with her.

Same thing happened to my nephew, he was the primary care giver for his kids, when he returned home from Iraq after 18mths his wife refused to let him see the kids. Since my brother signed his home to me under our family trust she had no where to live after the trustees of the trust had her removed from the house. Some called it cruel but during the ENTIRE time my brother was gone they stayed with me because she did not take care of them.

My brother was lucky too many others are not so the essentially lose their children after surviving combat zone then coming home to fight once again to be a part of their child's life.