Good news, America! President Barack Obama has seen all of your hysterical news reports and grisly British PSAs on texting while driving and has done something about it. Effective immediately and by executive order, federal workers are banned "from texting while driving on official business or while operating a government vehicle." From now on, federal employees will have to wait to find out that Joe Biden has been appointed the Czar of Vice Presidenting until they have parked.
Of course, exceptions to this rule have been made, and naturally, said exceptions shall apply to the same people to whom they always apply:
The ban will also include sending e-mails, using instant messaging programs, and obtaining navigational information while driving. The order will impact nearly three million civilian employees, but some law enforcement and national security workers will be exempt.
So remember: the next time you are involved in a head-on collision with an NSA employee engaged in some vital counter-terrorism sexting, that's on you.