Marge Simpson graces the cover of the November Playboy, and though she won't be getting completely naked it's worth picking up the magazine for its delightfully coarse interview with Tracy Morgan. He answers 20 questions, from when he had his first sexual experience (age 8) to how he finally got sober (after seeing his son's disgust) to his outlook on eating the 'brown hole' (enthusiastic!) Here are some highlights:
On Lorne Michaels' post-racial powers:
He's been like a dad to me. I remember when I was on Saturday Night Live my first year and I wasn't getting much. I was down; I was ready to quit. It was three o'clock in the morning, man, I'll never forget. Makes me want to cry sometimes when I think about it. I love that man. I love that man. [long pause; starts to cry] I'm sorry, man. Excuse me. [another long pause] Son of a bitch... motherfucker's good. I remember one time Lorne took me to his office, and he said, "Tracy, you are here not because you're black. You're here because you're fucking funny, man." [bursts into tears again; wipes face with shirt] Changed my whole perspective. I wasn't so guarded anymore. I knew white people weren't so fucked-up. I could've fallen into some dark shit, but he wouldn't let me. I left his office, and I was crying for, like, two hours. It made all the difference to me, not just for my career but for my life. They say every Jewish man is supposed to love one black motherfucker in this life. I'm glad Lorne Michaels chose me.
On his midwife skills:
I've got my third-degree black belt and I've gotten several women pregnant, so I've moved on to other things. These days I'm into bike riding and breaking water. I like breaking women's water. If you're pregnant and you need your water broken, you need your labor induced, give me a call and I'll ride my bike over and take care of it.
On his passion for anal:
I like fucking ass! Ain't nothin' like the butthole. The ass is a delicacy, goddamn it. I'd put hot sauce on it. When you eat the brown hole, that's when her toes do this. [sticks legs out and curls toes] You got to be willing to do anything to please your woman, to satisfy her. I didn't invent it. You think I was the first one to think of having anal sex with a girl? Hell, no. I'm quite sure Adam fucked Eve in the ass. In the Garden of Eden he tore her ass up, and she was screaming like a motherfucker.