Few Americans Make End-Of-Life Wishes Known

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Unlike most Americans, Lillian Landry made her end-of-life decisions years ago: no heroic measures to save her and even instructions on the bar where mourners should gather.

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Comments

[texhall00]

I also wanted to add: Health Insurance is for the young and healthy, not the old and the sick,

[texhall00]

I've been asked each time I'm at the Dr's, do you have a living will? And its always no, no and no. Getting older ones thinking isn't the same as when your younger. Everyone response differently to a living will. For me its done. I don't want to be kept alive just to prolong death. This is such a burden on your friends and love ones. I want the decision to be mine and its in writing.

[dora rice]

I came into this world without asking for it, and I die without asking for it. The indians died and didn't have problems with long term care, hospital care, and who knows what other care. Let nature take it's course and nature will do what it has been doing for you all along.

[ctblue]

Great ideology. But who pays while nature takes its course? Nature can be quite painful. Nature can be quite messy. And nature can leave you quite lonely while experiencing "end of life". The Indians had large family/tribe support systems. We live in a society that is mad rushing crazy. People have jobs, etc. Not everyone is available to stay with a loved one 24/7 nor is everyone experienced in caring for them.

[rad21]

All medical care delivered in the hospital in the last two weeks of life should be audited. If the procedure is deemend unnecessary, the payment to the hospital and physicians should be denied.

Often patients and families want "everything done" because they do not have to pay a dime. In addition intensive medical care keeps the patient in the hosptial instead of at home. The families substitutes medical care for TLC. Sad ... very sad!

[weatherwaxx]

This sounds more like an opinion than a fact. It is not supported by the families I've seen dealing with the death of a loved one. And where DO you get the idea that they aren't paying for it? Do you have Congressional healthcare coverage?

[ctblue]

Opinion or not, I agree. My father endured proceedures and tests that were never going to help him. The hospital was milking the situation. In fact, he was given a CT scan less than 12 hours before he passed away and was told to wait until the morning BEFORE they would have a surgeon see him. He never made it to the morning.

[ctblue]

Besides Living Wills, Health Care Directives, or anything else you want to call them, the other thing everyone should address is LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE. My father recently passed away. In the last 6 months of his life he lost his home, care, personal belongings, and dignity. Because he had no long term care insurance, he was forced to spend down his entire assets to a mere $2000 in order for Medicaid to take care of his nursing home expenses. This makes sense: the state should not pay for his care if he has the money to do so himself. But he was not a rich man and lived on Social Security alone. He managed to save some money with the hope of helping to pay for his granddaughter's college. But all that money had to go to paying the nursing home.

The point of this is that no one ever thinks they will have a lingering illness that does not allow them to die at home with dignity. The only way that would have happened for my father was if he had the money to pay for in-home care. That money would only have come from a LTC policy. What fools we were not to have planned.

[ctblue]

OOPS! I meant to say he lost his home, his CAR, his personal belongings, and his dignity,

[sonoffestus]

Unless longterm care insurance is purchased at a young age it is very costly. You will also have to read the fine print of what it does and does not cover. It is just of like medical insurance. Isn't that funny? If people can't afford health insurance , they certainly will not be purchasing an LTC.

Most middle class folks will have their life savings "paid down" as they call it until they're basically broke , then they go on Medicaid, exactly as you noted. I spent 8 years managing my Mother's money after she was no longer able. Even with planning, which I did plenty of there are many unexpected things that come up. We were fortunate that our "plan" worked but only because Mom was a Veteran. The State of RI Dept. of Veteran's Affairs and the VA afforded Mom a very comfortable and caring last four years of her life and our out of pocket was affordable. I will be eternally grateful for that.

Unfortunately, not everyone has such a program available to them. Everybody needs to have a plan and start planning before you need it!

[ctblue]

You are absolutely right. Plan before you need it. LTC insurance is affordable if you buy it while you are young. I believe in the old adage that if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. After experiencing my father's illness, I learned so much. I'm trying to share what I learned with as many people as possible.

[cmhmd]

As an intensive care physician, i can go on for hours on this topic, but I will refer you to some things I've written before and several other useful articles on the topic:

http://cmhmd.blogspot.com/2009/08/forum-before-you-die-speak-up.html

Cheers,

[goodnews7]

Setting Up Advance Medical Directives
An advance medical directive is a legal document that conveys your specific wishes regarding your care in the event that you become unable to make decisions for yourself. This can happen to any of us at any time, so it’s important to make your decisions early. There are many books on this topic and we’ve listed several informative sources on the Useful Links page. You can also buy software that will help you draft a directive. When you think you have it right you should discuss it with your regular physician and have it checked by a lawyer before storing it with your Will, making your family aware of its location and making your healthcare insurer and providers aware of its [...]
http://bit.ly/26IoA1

[weatherwaxx]

Books, software, etc. are nice, but in many states you can get the forms right in the hospital. This is the case in Ohio, anyway.

[coastalcarla]

It's called the Five Wishes form, folks. And after dealing with both grandparents, my father and my husband's father becoming debilitated before they passed and not knowing what they wanted, I suggest anyone that cares about the people that they'll be leaving behind should fill one out. I already have - and I'm only 43. So has my husband. Because we don't want our children going through what we went through at the end of our parents' lives. It's clear cut, and states exactly what we do and don't want done for us, in the event that we cannot speak for ourselves. Do your children (and grandchildren) a favor. Go online and get one, fill it out and make sure people in your life know where that form is kept. It's the best gift you can give to them, during what will be a very difficult time.

[shutterbabe]

Amen to coastalcarla for taking a firm and intelligent stance on the inevitable.

A friend of mine, a highly regarded nurse, proclaims with a smile that " We are all terminal".

My documents have also been in order- and updated every two years- since I was 42. I have lost loved ones who did not address their final wishes while they were in good health. Their endings were not easy ones to watch, with much of their care being invasive to their bodies and being.

Their pain becomes our pain, too. Encourage everyone who is in your heart to speak outloud and not be afraid. It is a gentle way to go into that Goodnight.

[dmac]

There is one group of people who are adamant about the need for Living Wills, DNRs, and clear end-of-life wishes: those who have had to face making decisions for loved ones who are beyond speaking for themselves.

It's never too early; disease and accidents aren't impresed with your youth. And you can always change your mind right up to the point when you can no longer communicate. But after that time, you can't ease the pain your loved ones will go through or the burden they will bear when they assume the responsibility to continue artificial means of life support or to cease them. And that responsibility should be yours alone.

I can guarantee none of those bathering on about "death panels" has ever had to face the situation a Living Will would address. No human being could manipulate that situation had they ever come close to facing it. And their ignorance of the complexity of that time should never have been displayed in public. They are fortunate that no one with such experience was nearby to just slap them.

[coastalcarla]

Well said.

[sonoffestus]

Yes, how true your words are. It is very important to have discusssions with loved ones, before they can no longer rationally discuss such matters. I was fortunate that both my parents and I discussed end of life issues way before the time arose. The responsibility is heavy, but I had clear "marching orders" and fully understood what my responsibilities were to be. It makes it a bit easier , just a little easier.

If I may, for those who are not there yet. When the time comes, try to remember and be clear to what your loved ones wanted. It is your responsibility. Do not shirk you duty.